A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This might sound very crazy but I desperately need some wider opinions on this. I dated my boyfriend for two years and despite being together for so long, we never had sex. It wasn't that I didnt want to sleep with him or that I had specific religious/cultural views, it just never happened; much to my dismay.So after having so many arguments about our relationship and lack of a sex life, I decided to end things. He wasn't a virgin before we met and he had had a few sexual relationships. I don't really know why nothing happened but its over now so I am not going to spend time worrying about it.My issue is, I am nearly 20 years old and still haven't been in a sexual relationship. I feel ready and would really like to share myself with someone who loves and respects me. The trouble is that most of the guys who approach me are in their mid-late twenties, and very sexually experienced and I find it hard to find nice guys that I would feel comfortable discussing my virginity with, and trust enough to begin a relationship. Its hard to admit I spent so long with someone and never slept with them to potential love interests and I'm quite embarrassed about it. I am an attractive girl - hence why I attract the kind of guys I do - but I feel that being a virgin prevents me from moving forward with my dating life. How realistic are my feelings? Are guys going to judge me and be hugely disappointed by my lack of sexual experience? Any help would be appreciated!
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Yes, better men are out there. Maybe two-in-ten, depending on age range and nation. I may be wrong, but I think that young men in England are probably fairly equivalent to Americans, and there are, at least, still respectful young ones in Texas.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I guess I worry because there seems to be such a high value placed on sexual experience. My confidence was knocked mostly because I told my (now ex) boyfriend I was still a virgin and yet he chose to invest more time in girls with experience, while pushing me and my sexuality further back to do so. It wasnt the cheating that hurt as such; it was more the fact that I felt my virginity made me inferior in his eyes, and - contrary to what you all say - worthy of *less* respect.
I took that loss of self esteem with me when the relationship ended and the fear that guys would just say whatever they thought I wanted to hear. Its a horrible feeling and I just really really hope that there are some of the nice people you describe out there. Thanks again!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (4 April 2010):
You do not have to explain anything to anyone, and should consider your virginity a virtue. Most any man worth your interest would cherish that you are a virgin willing to give it up to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): Men are not women. They don't desire all the same things in a partner than women tend to think are sexy in a man, like being sexually experienced with other women.
Being a virgin will be an ASSET in the eyes of LOTS of men. Seriously.
The men who will be bothered by your virginity are the ones who want to get into your pants without any emotional attachments and just get great sex from you as soon as possible without working at it. Do you really want that kind of guy?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): Don't be ashamed! I really think the first time should be with someone special, and it sounds like you're still looking. I don't know how other guys will judge you, but I think a guy who really cares about you won't judge you poorly for it -- he might even see you as even better for it. I know I would. I would really respect a girl who told me she was waiting for the right guy, even if that guy didn't end up being me. It shows a high level of confidence and judgment, and that's really attractive.
You might overestimate the sexual experience of the guys you encounter. Just keep your eyes open and don't be afraid to explore new relationships. I think when you meet the right guy, you'll be able to talk about it and go from there.
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A
male
reader, pipsta  +, writes (3 April 2010):
As a guy speaking from a guy's point of view, what you are doing is fantastic! Firstly it is very brave and noble of you to hold on to virginity (I'm not religious, but view it highly).
Any guy who is worth your time is not going to judge your lack of experience, but embrace it. If you find someone understanding and trustworthy enough, he WILL NOT judge your lack of experience as a bad thing, and help you to be comfortable. Its always nerve-racking to lose your cherry, bt once that hurdle has been passed, sex becomes a great thing and very enjoyable.
Just be very careful, some guys see taking viginity as a bragging right, so as a suggestion, do not let on you are a virgin until you are comfortable with the guy you are with.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, togtog +, writes (3 April 2010):
The thing about sex is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.If you do meet someone that you like, then just take things one step at a time, at your own pace. Most people don't leap into bed on a first date or talk about their past sexual experience the first time that they meet - these are things which can unfold as you get to know one another.There are plenty of men who would think of it as a real honour to be your first sexual partner. What sort of man are you looking for? If you want someone who loves and respects you for who you really are, then any man who has a problem with your virginity simply isn't the right man for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): I am not a guy but I am in the same boat as you. My bf of three years still has not had sex with me and like you, I am a virgin but he is not. We have had countless arguments and discussions but even after all this time he still has not made the move. I have asked him plenty of times, I have let him know I am ready and nothing. I think however there is a silver lining to all this. Virgins are hard to come by, and it shows that you are saving yourself for someone, that you won't just jump into bed with who even you meet. If you just explain to people and guys that you meet that you have not yet met the right person to share yourself with (which is true, your bf certainly was not the right guy) then it shows that you have great character.
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