A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have a very loving relationship. We care for each other greatly, and I respect her so much. We have done some minor BDSM and slave things but she recently told me that she wants more. She wants me to be really rough on her, leaving bruises, pulling hair, calling her a slut or a whore, degrading her in every way possible. She said she wants to cry during and afterwards and when the whole thing is done she doesnt want me to comfort her at all. I really want to play along and do this, in fact it excites me too, I'm just worried that it will change how she feels about me. I dont want this to ruin the great relationship that we already have. Also, i'm worried that it might mean that our relationship is in danger or that I might not be enough for her. Any advice?
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (16 January 2010):
 It is possible. You never know. Don't assume that that is the case, but statistically speaking, it is the case. Her wanting to do that and people that do that in general, want someone that they love and trust to do it. The goal is to turn a negative traumatic experience into a positive experience in an attempt to associate it with something positive. IE- rape fantasies are, lots of the time, had by rape victims.
Take it slow as ashley said. Your gf (statistically speaking) is reaching out to you, subconciously I think. Do not just go in guns blazing and miss the clues.
Be slow and easy and do what i initially said. Then as you gain more confidence in yourself and you see she enjoys it, give her what for. This is assuming you talk about it. I am thinking this shit came way out of left field and she brought this up randomly.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): @ihatewomanbeaters
Is it possible that there wasnt a traumatic experience that caused her to want this? We have been extremely open with each other and she would never hide something that big from me.
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A
female
reader, ashley101805 +, writes (16 January 2010):
Well.... Jst to say I have tried rough sex with my boyfriend and it hasn't really changed our relationship in a negative way at all. You can alway start off slow. Let's see start by holding her down by her neck in missionary position slightly adding pressure. Then take it 2 the next leave the next time.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (16 January 2010):
Hey Anon,
I have been heavily involved in BDSM for 4 years.
Talk to her about her desires. Why does she want to do them?
The most important thing is getting an idea of what she wants to accomplish with this.
There is a past fueling her wanting to do this.
I say talk to her and ask the questions you want to ask. Communicate to her as if it were anything else.
Explore it. Try it out. As long as she likes it and you like it have fun with it.
The key is to communicate with your partner if you have any worries.
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A
male
reader, CoolAndCoolest  +, writes (16 January 2010):
playing is ok. but the crying and not to console part is weird. thats what my opinion is.
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