A
female
age
36-40,
*osycheeks
writes:Hi there,I've been in a relationship for 6+ months, and all is going well. We are happy. We never talk about past relationships, we are both quite guarded people and are slowly opening up more over time.He has a lot of female friends. Which has been fine and has caused no problems. But I haven't really asked him anything like, can he be trusted with them? or if there is anything I should know? to see his reaction or anything. I was wondering if its a conversation worth having or not.I'm scared I might open a can of unnecessary worms. I have met most of his female friends, and they have warmed to me and treated me nicely. But I guess its just me wondering if I can trust him with them, or if i'm being to nice in letting do his thing without question. (but I haven't had the need to ask as of yet)I myself have had little history with one or two of my male friends, long time ago. But is no threat and don't harbour any feelings. If he asked, I wouldnt even bother to tell him about those one or two moments that might have happened over 5 years ago.I think its just re-assurance. But don't know whether I should just go with it as its been fine, or to approach the subject. I'm just worried I might hear something that might make me worry or act jealous in future.
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female
reader, bama_mobile  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 We are all different I know. In this case I believe it`s likely he has nothing to hide. He is being too open. If you was in a situation where you had a male friend and you had a soft spot for him or vice versa, or there were any signs of sexual tension, would you actually introduce them? I don`t think you would. I don`t think most of us would. Also, people who get up to mischief behind their partners back are often mistrusting of their own partners (in my experience anyhow). He seems to trust you, so it tells me he`s worth trusting too. Personally I think he`s just a friendly guy. I hope I`m right. Good luck and keep it real!!
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (23 February 2012):
 HI
try not to over think here, because if you do you may never have that lasting relationship. I agree dont completely let your guard down, not just yet, but dont stop yourself from continuing your happy so far relationship either. untill you have concrete evidence that he would/is doing anything behind your back, or you will drive yourself crazy. Just enjoy it for what it is right now. If we all live by the rules of what if's and's and but's we would get nowhere in life. enjoy yourself :)
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (23 February 2012):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPoint taken, and its right its double standards. - I think this it is a case of Mandy hitting it on the head. As I grow to like him, I'm just questioning reasons to keep my guard up. Not so much as dictating to him. If I don't like it I have options. I just wonder if its good to know now, and if I don't like I can walk away. (me putting up my guard - RUN! dont fall in love)
I'd hate to find out 2 years down the line the flirting he's been doing for 2 years under my nose and kick myself for being 'too relaxed' (Again I've not been uncomfortable with anything yet)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): i dont know about worms,but its already opened a can of double standards. you need to get a grip before you become his ex.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (22 February 2012):
Hi, I have read through. I don`t think you may like my answer. Honesty is important at all times. It may seem minor to you, but if you are unsettled about his friends and fail to mention things that "you" believe are not important (others may not agree), then think of it this way. He has been questioned, later finds out you were not entirely honest yourself, then what is minor to you, will become major to the both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): He has friends and so do you. Their statuses make no difference. If you continue to dictate circumstances that suit you without balance, then accept what may follow. He is your partner, not your extension. This is jealousy, accept it or not.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 February 2012):
HI
the love you both share is obviously getting stronger, so now thoughts of him and his past relatonshions are eating up at you, this is natural, and yes I can see how you may wonder about it, if his often going out with his single girl/friends.....but if you start to let jealousy overtake ( you may not think your jealous just curious) it will start to put in all sorts, doubts, dis-trust, its like an evil cycle. your both doing great now, so unless there truely is a reason for you to know about his past, why open up that can of worms? if you have concrete proof of him wandering, or being flirtatious, or cheating then fine. but you haven't. YES there are many men/ women friend realationships that can stay JUST FREINDS. in fact I have many male friends, some married, some engaged, some single, and there has never been a time where any of us have over stepped that mark. let this go hun before you start something you wish you never.
Mandy xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): If you know about his female friends and he has introduced them thats fine but if he hides them and dont want you to meet them then theres your answer
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): It is not the recipe for a long loving relationship when you want to know about your partner but dismiss what he asks as not important. You may not actualy get what i am talking about or dismiss this too. I get the feeling it will all blow up in your face and you will see it all as his fault.
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A
female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (21 February 2012):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess because my male friends all have girlfriends mostly, and some even live with their girlfriends, I see them once a month if we are lucky to make time. his female friends are mostly single and they meet up very regularly. That's the difference. So not hiding my past, but just so not worth mentioning, I kissed so and so when I was 18 on a night out. Its just that its so minor. And that so and so lives with gf. Thats why I say I wouldn't mention it. It's miniscule. If I was out partying with so and so every other weekend, I'd understand if my boyfriend was to ask if it's all good to trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Why do I get the impression that you are one step ahead of yourself? You see no harm in keeping little secrets from him, but you wonder if you can trust him. Time will tell, but it does not look like he should be trusting you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): If u dont feel any need to mention anything about ur encounters, then why do u have to know if he had any or not?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 February 2012):
 Trust him until he gives you a reason not to be trusted. Simple as that.
At the moment you have a great relationship and no reason not to trust him, so dont bring up a conversation like this otherwise it will plant the seed in his mind that a) you dont trust him and b) you are the jealous, insecure type (not what a man wants!).
If it seems clear they are just friends and all his female friends have been nice towards you then there is no reason to worry if anything has gone on in the past, even if it had it is obviously not affecting the present so who cares.
If one of these women was cold towards you, or a couple of them were openly flirting with him in front of you - then you would be right to bring it up. But at the moment you have no reason at all, apart from your mind playing tricks on you and making you worry about nothing.
If you bring it this up you will sound needy, jealous, insecure and un-trusting - all of which will make your boyfriend question if he really wants to be with a woman that doesnt trust him despite him doing nothing wrong.
Dont mention it and forget all about this - dont worry about anything until he gives you a good reason to.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Do not go into a relationship believing you have a right to know about his past, whilst at the same time, hiding your own. It will all turn to shit, believe me.
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A
female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (21 February 2012):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat answers, thankyou both for the advice!
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (21 February 2012):
If you don`t think it`s necessary that he knows your history, then don`t insist that you know his. If you get found out (which you probably will), that after asking questions, you yourself kept secrets from him, the question of trust will be pointing at you, not him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Why rock the boat, if you feel you can trust him and have had no reason to doubt his fidelity , then just carry on enjoying this relationship.
What he did in the past,if anything, doesn't really matter now, he's with you and your both happy,thats what matters
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Just because you have things to hide, does not mean he does.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (21 February 2012):
 If you are prepared to lie by omission about your own past, then dont ask him about his.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): You want to know his past, but would hide your own should he ask? But you want to know if HE can be trusted? Well, just what does that say?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (21 February 2012):
HI
I would just continue the way you are, if its not broke dont fix it!!!! if he had anything to hide he would not introduce you to them, and they warmed to you, which suggests there is nothing going on. maybe he dont want the same old same old.........why would you want to know about any ex's? his with you , your both very happy so just leave it as that. UNLESS you have any real reason to ask about his past. every relationship is different, and your probably the first woman his been with who has not badgered on him to tell all about his past, so because of this you are the love of his life, no pressure just experiencing great times building a great future.
hope this helps
Mandy xx
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