A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf almost 6years now and he breaks up with me every week. We always get back together cos i love him. When ever he doesnt like when i do something he leaves me. I dont know what to do this time? I love him as he is my first serious relationship but is the relationship goin anywhere and if not how do i get myself to stop running back to him at his beck and call?
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female
reader, Jay25  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 This cycle will never end and he is emotionally manipulating you by breaking up when you do something wrong it isnt how a loving relationship should work, next time he does it try not to give in, even if you eventually do after a while maybe let him know that is the last time it will maybe shock him enough to realise if he keeps doing it one day you wont come back.
Plus you 18 - 21 you have loads of time to be in a relationship if you end up single fully enjoy it (even make a positive list of all the things you can do as a single girl that you couldnt in a relationship) Just be strong and have a ball ;O)
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Of course you find it hard to imagine your life without him - he has been there for the last 6 years of your life, from when you were 12-15 (depending on how old you are now). Not many of us have vivid memories before the age of 12, so of course all you can remember from a young age is being around this guy - so it just wont be possible for you to see your life without him in it.
But think about it this way - do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling this way? Do you want to stay with someone who does not love or respect you enough to work on your problems in the relationship, and instead bails and runs off at every given chance?
Or do you want to be happy? Do you want an adult relationship where you work on your issues and never break up when times get hard? Do you want someone that loves you? Do you want someone that respects you? Do you want to feel safe and secure in your relationship?
I bet the answer is YES to all of those, so the only way you are going to get to be happy again is to leave him once and for all.
You will wonder if he wants you back, and the chances are YES he will be trying to call. But not because he loves you, but because he knows you are a doormat that he can walk all over, he can pick you up and put you down any time he wants and he knows this.
Love is not enough in a relationship - love does not make a relationship work, nor does love make you happy all the time. So stop using the excuse "because I love him" because it is rubbish. You deserve someone who makes you happy and this guy clearly is not that man - he is not the right guy for you. Please dont waste any more time on this immature little boy who is just using you.
So what you do now is see him one final time and be very clear that it is over for good, you are fed up with him breaking up with you every week and you want nothing more to do with him. Make sure you remain strong even if it hurts inside, you have to look like you are truly fed up and this really is the end. If you start crying or give in to any of his pleas or whines then he will know he can treat you like crap for as long as he wants.
Whereas if you are strong and firm, end it once and for all and tell him he must never contact you again because you are done wasting time on him - he should get the point. Block his mobile number, delete the number from your phone, delete him from Facebook, delete his email address - every way to contact him needs to be gone! Because you are going to want to speak to him, when you are feeling at your worst you will be aching to see him or speak to him again.
But those points, where you are feeling so low and just want him - that is when you start to get over him. Those feelings are critical in the process of getting over someone, you need to hit "rock bottom" so to speak before you will start to feel better. It has been 6 years so it is going to take a long time to get over him, so be ready to feel rubbish for a while. But it wont be as horrible as the feeling when he breaks up with you each week, and as time goes on you will realise you have done the right thing.
There will be so many opportunities open to you in life that you could never imagine if you end it with him, your life will be ten times better if you get rid of him once and for all. It wont feel great right away, but give it 6 months and you will be a new person!
Relationships should not be like this, they should not be this hard especially at your age. They should be fun, happy and loving - not breaking up once a week. You will never be happy if you stay with him, so please, be brave and end it once and for all. You deserve better, so put yourself first and get him out of your life.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Pazush  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Hi,
I dont know what about love between you two.
i can tell that love has other interpretations after 6 years, and even more- bcause those are youre first experimential years.
i would suggest you to refuse the next time he wants to get back to you, so he wont consider you as obvious.
by doing this change, you can take back control on your relationship. do it only if you fully understand what i mean, good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Hi, Thanks for the advice. The thing is i find it hard to block his number as i always think what if he is trying to call me and get back with me. I find it hard to see my life without him.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 He'll keep breaking up with you as long as he knows you'll keep running back to him. You have to break that cycle. He's obviously getting something from breaking up with you... maybe you run back and apologize endlessly, give him more attention, change temporarily or whatever.
Next time he breaks up with you, do what he doesn't think you'll do and actually walk away. Don't contact him, don't see him... nothing. If he wants you, he'll contact you.
I hope things work out, but whether you guys break up for good or not, you really need to grow a backbone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 He sounds manipulative and controlling - honey? THAT ISN'T LOVE.
How do you stop yourself? You block his number/facebook/e-mail and take some time to evaluate your life and your goals. IS this really how you want a guy ( or even a friend) to treat you? DO you not think you deserve better?
Understand that EVERY time you take him back you are basically telling him you ACCEPT the way he treats you. That it is OK for him to manipulate and control you.
Accept him for who he is and know that you can not CHANGE him or any other guy. No amount of LOVE & UNDERSTANDING can change a guy. If you are getting sick of this (and really you should be) dump him and focus on you.
TELL yourself you deserve so much better.
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Your relationship might of been serious at one point but its clearly not serious now. He obviously doesnt respect you enymore. He is using you. Leave him for good and find someone who treats you better.
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A
female
reader, little.lady +, writes (20 August 2010):
I think you need to sit and have a good talk about things and figure out weather the realtionship is going to work, you both need to be happy in this relationship and it will not work you are both unhappy.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Hun, this guy is using emotional abuse to keep you under control....because as long as you do what HE WANTS then things are great but as soon as you do something he dislikes he breaks up with you???? This is not healthy in a relationship.
I know you love him dearly and cannot imagine life without him, but you are young and there are lots of great guys out there.
This emotional abuse will not get better, in fact he will probably get more controlling the longer you are in a relationship with him.
Time to reassess what you want out of a relationship, and being emotionally blackmailed should not be on that list.
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