A
male
age
41-50,
*emiguy
writes:Ok where to begin! I was in a relationship of 8 years and that ended 1year ago, for the past 5 months I've been dating and living with a woman who 24 years old! She has 2 children and I love her and them! The problem is she has done soooo much sexual acts from a 3some to a 4some just weeks before I met her. I can't stop thinking about it and it hurts me so much! So I thought maybe if I experianced a 3some with her it might make me feel better about everything? Not only that 2 nights ago I found out she has done web shows for people! Makes me sad to think of her that way! I've read lots of comments others have left on this site now I'm hoping someone can help me???? Any feedback would be greatfully appreciated! She's 24 I'm 28Anyone help?
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male
reader, hemiguy +, writes (24 February 2011):
hemiguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo now its almost our first year aniversary and things r great! She gives me so much respect and loves me so much. Now she wants me to experiance the threesome the only problem is to find a female who is willing she suggested a call girl but that not how I would want to do it, I'd like to have a fun evening and enjoy it slowly n see what happens! Any help would be most appreciated
Thanks
Hemi in Toronto
A
male
reader, hemiguy +, writes (23 February 2011):
hemiguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo now she wants me to experiance the threesome the only problem is to find a female who is willing she suggested a call girl but that not how I would want to do it, I'd like to have a fun evening and enjoy it slowly n see what happens! Any help would be most appreciated
Thanks
Hemi in Toronto
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Dude, drop that girl, sounds like a sex maniac... Webshows?? What the hell?? Have some self respect.>
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Her wild past is a problem for you. Having a threesome and making your own past into an equally wild problem will not fix things. There is no amount of things you can do to ease your feelings about what she has already done. If you had wanted that kind of lifestyle then you probably would have led it already. But you didn't want it enough to go through with it. That says a lot about you. This is a sign of how different you and she really are. Big differences in your sexual choices in the past usually make for bad matches. You might be able to put the sexual things behind you, but these things usually run deeper. It takes big personality differences to produce those different histories.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Hello. If her past behaviour hurts you and makes you feel sad, then im not sure asking her to repeat it is going to make you feel any better. She didnt know you when she did those things. And she probably wasnt in a relationship at the time. If she was, it wasnt a good one.
She hasnt cheated on you, so try not to judge her too harshly. People do things sometime that they dont want to be doomed to repeat with every new partner they meet. So if you really love her, bare this in mind. She could meet a lot of men who are jealous that she got to do things they havent done. Those men might try to pressure her into repeating her past for their sexual gratification/ease their insecurities/jealousy...call it what they will.
But it is highly likely she will only be happy and settle with the bloke that comes along and doesnt have a problem with her past. And who wants a stable, exclusive relationship with her. Thats what we all want really. To be accepted and cherished.
If you dont think thats you, then it might be better to move on and find someone with a less colourful past. Your relationship is quite new and already shakey. I dont think asking her for 3somes will send out the right message or improve things.
You need to seek a better way to build respect for her and move forward...if you are really serious about the relationship. All the best x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): It seems you wish you were included in at least one of the threesomes, and feel left out. If you were just jealous, you wouldn't want her to be apart of any of that again, but you only wish to partake alongside her to feel she included you in the mix.. If you feel so strongly about wanting to experience what she has, I wouldn't do it without her, but include her as well. It won't bring you closer, and you might even resent her more after it's over, but it will certainly make you feel you were a participant. As long as it's not for revenge, and only to feel she is somehow by your side while having threesomes, go ahead. Just remember that if you feel jealous about anything she does during your threesome, it's time to leave her, for sure, because it means you'll never let go of your resentment towards her. The big thing to remember is not to judge her for anything she's done, and if that means leaving her, sobeit. The reason I say not to judge her is because if you can contemplate doing the same thing as her, then you're no different in mindset about it. You may have a different reason for wanting to do it, but actually doing it would mean you cannot place her in a different category because of her sexual past. For this reason, it might be a good idea to experience that with her. You might like it, which would actually help you accept how she was in the past, or you might not like it, which would mean you'll always feel that resentment you feel now, and that would answer your frustrations, as well. Ask yourself this, though.. if you feel you have to do what she's done in order to accept her and not resent her and her past, is it really worth continuing and doing something you otherwise might not have done, as well? Also, if you're looking towards a monogamous relationship with her because you feel she should be in that type of relationship with you, she certainly won't take you serious on that if you show her it's better to have one more threesome while you're with her. I feel this will keep your relationship from heading toward anything past the type of sexual lifestyle and freedoms she's already had. It depends if you wish to have other people be a part of your sexual life on a regular basis, being it's hard to stop once you've started, or if you really want her to be only with you. One of you might have too hard a time trying to stop the threesome road once you start down it. If you already have a problem accepting her past decisions, will you regret showing her it's okay to continue, even if it's for one more time?.. since she or you may not be able to end the threesomes or having sex with others after having a taste of that life. This might not be the answer you're looking for, but it's a hard reality that often occurs when someone wishes to go from a free, open sexual lifestyle to a serious monogamous relationship. The train has to slow to a stop sometime, when choosing that path, so it's most likely easier trying to convince her to stop now, than to go one more round or more, just to try to get back again. By including yourself, you may also be making it alot harder afterward, to focus on being able to have sex with just her. Temptation is like that, just like having a spoonful of soup and trying not to eat the whole bowl of it.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 There shouldn't be retro-active jealousy for something she's done before she met you if you're now in a happy, loving relatinonship.
That said, a 3some can be a wonderful experience if both partners are up for it. Don't forget to try it as MFF and MMF both. I'm not sure if it would help with your retro thingie though. Why do you think it would? I'm going to join the OP here and wait for the answer. If I ever get into a long-term relationship, I'd want to know how the guy would want to deal with my past.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (16 July 2010):
Is she making money by doing it on the enternet? or is she trying to get herself known? i don't mean to burst your bubble but i think? that you are heading down the wrong road. and if you just met her and already know that about her! what else is out there? i myself would rather get out now and meet a decent person then one w/ a past like that but then again thats just not my thing. i hope that you considered any form of std, aids, ect. and shes a mom! and if she does'nt care how it could effect her children why should she care how it effects you. run for the hills!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): NO, this will not help. Think about it, you see her sexual freedom as demeaning, and something that makes you sad. Do you really think witnessing this will make you realize that she's an adult and able to make her own decisions and that she can have her sexual partnerships and let it NOT be a reflection on her worth?
You need to either move on, or learn to accept her (and others) as sexual beings, who sometimes step out into the wild side of life.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (16 July 2010):
 You have to determine what kind of relationship you are having with the 24 year old. It seems like it's serious. She has explored enough and she's content to live life with you. She was sexually free, she wasn't trapped by that "if I sleep with 2 guys then I'm a slut" mentality. I think a threesome with help ease your retroactive jealousy because you will find out you can express yourself with sex without love, but at the same time you can also bond with a woman through sex. It's a freeing sensation. You have to ask her if she wants to do a threesome. You also have to be free spirited enough to share her with a guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): no it will not help your jealousy, in fact it will make it worse. to go from what you imagine to what you actually see visually, will do nothing to help your feelings. what she did, she did before she met you. you have to let go of her past, or let her go. otherwise you will end up destroying this relationship.
I am not saying that you arent justified feeling jealous, only that it IS a part of her past. so you have no other choice, other than forgive and forget, or find someone else. because her innocence isnt coming back. can you give her a fresh start? does she even want one. but you cant keep dragging it up even in your mind. hugs, mal
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