A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had broke up for a while. He lied and hid a lot from me in the past. After he realized what he had lost he came back to me promised no more of that and because I love him I decided to get back with him. A part of me believes him but I can't help but have some doubts in the back of my mind just because I've been hurt. I love him and want us to be together and so does he, bu my main concern is does the lying ever stop? Will a guy go back to his old ways? What do I avoid doing so he doesn't feel the need to lie?
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (13 October 2011):
He might have the best intentions, but often this behaviour has its roots in the emotional patterns that a person has which are hard to control, often unknown to the person who experiences them, and as such often can't be changed on their own.
What this means is, he might not be aware of the reasons that he lies, what it is that causes him to think it is a good idea, or that he needs to do it.
The question is, what is he going to do to change his behaviour? He probably hasn't thought that far. It is a good idea for you to be able to talk to him about your fears, and for you to come up with some solutions which sound like a good idea to both of you.
One idea would be for him to get used to telling you some of his secrets, things that he keeps hidden. Ask him to think up something every now and again that people don't know about him, and to tell him. See what he thinks.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (12 October 2011):
 if you go back to him you need to be careful, and watch him . if you don't see any changes in him then you need to make a choice. you don't need to do anything for him to avoid lying, you don't cause someone else to lie . lying is in the heart of a person that does the lying. if you catch him in a lie it would be safe to say he has not changed, and that he has gone back to his old ways. if you have doubts there is a reason for them. but don't blame yourself for his actions, and charter.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (12 October 2011):
They say people can change but they seldom do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 October 2011):
I know just from this post that he will go back to his old ways. Do you know why? It's that final line in your post.
"What do I avoid doing so he doesn't feel the need to lie"
You've basically just accepted that his lying is your fault. You actually think that his lying is connected to what you do? No it's not, it's connected to him. I think very sadly he knew before that you'd take the lying (which you did for some time), and now you've taken him back and you've taken the blame, he'll almost certainly slip back into his old ways.
This is why I never really think getting back with an ex who's hurt you is a good idea. It means that you appear willing to accept that treatment, and it shows them that they can get away with it again.
I think this guy will hurt you again.
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