A
male
age
41-50,
*leeplessNSeattle
writes:Wife works Part-time...Full time problemMy wife only works ~25 hours a week and I work 10 hour days all week. Whenever we get into an argument I can't help but bring this up. I pay for basically everything including Health Insurance, Food and Rent, car insurance, gas for the cars etc etc. The problem begins when we argue about who is responsible for doing housework,errands etc. I work very hard and lots of the time I just don't have the energy to cook and clean and that sort of thing. I do cook and clean the kitchen and do a bit of laundry on the weekends...my days off.... I usually refuse to during the week. Regardless of how much I show her that I love her and plead with her she still gets very angry when I won't do some dishes or cook dinner or something like that.I'm just curious if I have taken the wrong stance in the situation and what I can do to make her more supportive of me it seems like she's just really lazy but I think there is something else. Our romance is perfect and in my eyes everything is just fine. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Offer to awap roles...see where the land lies then or is it double standards?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): The "real" definition of marriage: There is no 50/50, there is only 100/100%!
I, for years, worked the same amount of hours as my bloke. Yet, I did all the cooking and 95% of the cleaning. I did not complain. But, maybe that's because I am 45 and things are different with my generation.
He used to throw it in my face that I didn't make as much money as him. I paid for daycare out of my check and after taxes and daycare, was netting about a dollar an hour.
Once I got to the point where my salary was way above his, I divorced the bloke and found a real man.
But, while I was there, it was 100% or nothing!
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A
female
reader, SnowyWater  +, writes (7 November 2008):
I think you are right to expect to have to do less house work than your wife. I presume you work a 5 day week which would mean that you work twice the amount she does. you do 75% of the work, she does 25% of the household income.I am in a similar situation: I was working for a long time full-time and was supporting my BF who was looking for work. I was very upset when he only did some of he chores when I came back tired from work.I would have liked him to be responsible for the food/cooking/shopping side, whilst I could do half of the cleaning (we lived in a flatshare) in reality he did very little cleaning and never ever did joined laundry such as beddings etc.(we each did our own stuff separately). He did pay for somethings, but what bugged me was the amount of pure physical work that each of us put in the relationship. I felt like I worked harder than him.I would think that in your case, since your wife is working you divide your chores in reverse order to what amount of work each one does, in this case you do 25% of the total. So you would be responsible for one day of work for every three she does.Such issues are always tricky, you could easily be accused of trying to put her back into a feminine role. I felt that my bf didn't want to be responsible for the chores I described above, because that would make him appear to be like a "wife" which was not true! So be careful that your position doesn't come across as trying to be patronizing...btw. do you have to work such long hours? do you have children? If you don't have children then maybe you could cut your hours and expect her to contribute more financially. I know it feels hard to have very little time to yourself and be expected to spend it doing more work.sorry with not coming up with more solutions.good luck
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A
female
reader, Gio  +, writes (7 November 2008):
Hi,
I don't think you are wrong in expecting her to do the housework, laundry, etc. She needs to understand that you work long hours and don't necessarily feel energetic when you get home as to have to start cooking and doing other house chores. Now, don't bring this up in arguments, or at least try not to. Instead, try a different tactic, i.e. don't bother with complicated meals, get one of those ready made salads (sold in the cold area in supermarkets), some pasta and pasta sauce. Salad goes straight on the bowls, add a bit of salads dressing (get one from supermarket too). Pasta just needs to be boiled, the sauce is done already and you can get grated cheese. Not a lot of work, and you could do this together, while talking about your day and hers. House cleaning: she could easily this. You could both clean the kitchen after dinner. Shopping: make of it an outing :) shop together as if you were going for a walk. Things don't have to be 'a chore'.
Hope this helps a bit
Best wishes
Gio
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