A
male
age
51-59,
*ovemywife10
writes:My wife and I were sharing fantasies. I thought mine were fairly normal and things we could do together. However, My wife's number 1 fantasy is sex with another woman. I was shocked! I am actually not part of any of her fantasies she listed. I think this is a very bad sign. Very bad! Am I overreacting?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 June 2011):
 is she saying she wants a threesome or just to be with another woman? is she having a fantasy or is it more?
if its' just a fantasy I do think you may be over-reacting a bit...
have you told her how upset you are by this and why?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Is she having sex with you? Are you enjoying a mutually satisfying and enjoyable sex life together? If you are, then I think you are over-reacting.
Is she not having sex with you? Do you find your sex to be one-sided and unsatisfying emotionally and physically? If yes, well, maybe you have a starting point for discussion with her.
Look, fantasies are just that, fantasies. She has stuff in her head that is private and personal and she chose to share that with you. Telling you fantasies about doing things with you would probably defeat the point, as they aren't really fantasies, as they could or have already come true.
What you may have failed to do is to tell her that the fantasy-sharing discussion was meant to elicit new and interesting things you two could do together. She thought you were asking for the deep-down, darkest secrets of her psyche. She wasn't asking for you to edit them for her. She was honest with you. Don't punish honesty, especially if you asked for it.
You might tell her that you were disappointed you didn't feature in the fantasies but then let it go. Maybe next time, let her know upfront that you are insecure about not being in the fantasy and that you'd like to hear about the ones that involve you. That will save you worry and will let her know you didn't really want to know the deepest darkest naughtiest stuff she might have going on in her head. Some people have a bisexual side that they have no intention of ever exploring outside their skull; you wife may have some of those feelings and a curiousity that she would never ever explore. Let her have them without judgment or rancor.
This isn't worth a whole lot of worry, to me. You've just had a disappointment and your ego is hurt. Find a way to let her know that your ego would appreciate some sexual fantasizing on her part and give her some time to come up with one or two that she can share with you later. But whatever you do, don't punish her for being honest and open with her. That will simply close her off and you'll have trained her that you can't handle her sexual fantasies.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Yes I think so, though I don't like to tell people they are overreacting since you can't really help how you feel. That's actually a very common fantasy for both men and women to have, the woman with another person (I'm not sure why it's so much more popular to imagine the woman with another person). I wouldn't view this as a negative thing unless there are other serious problems in your marriage or an indication that she's not satisfied with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011):
I think it is completely normal that you are not part of any of her fantasies. When my wife and I were dating I asked her what her fantasies were and none of them included me. That's what makes them fantasies, I guess. One of her fantasies was to be with another woman, too. We never acted on it and neither of us even mentioned it again.
I suggest that you talk to your spouse and ask her what her favorite fantasies are that you guys can try out together, fantasies that don't involve other people. Those sorts of fantasies are best left as fantasy.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Your fantasies clashed. You might have been fishing for some suggestions from your wife to spice things up? (I commend you for being open on that discussion!)
Are you overacting..um, yep a tad. If you are suprised she wants to experiment with a woman. Since you mentioned you are not part of the fantasy, I assume she was not suggestion a threesome. Soooo, did you talk about how serious this fantasy was or is she only dreaming?
Have you and your wife discussed if she is bicurious?
If your relationship is otherwise stable, loving and faithful/exclusive of others, let her know you arent comfortable/open to "ordering out" and ask her AGAIN about all the things that are on the menu for the two of YOU.
Instead of asking AROUND what you really wanted to ask..be more direct. Maybe what you really wanted to ask was..
"Honey, I am wondering about exploring some new things with you..how do you feel about _______?" Is there anything you would like to TRY WITH ME?
Or, smile devilishly and whisper in her ear.."You know what Id like to do with you? Describe it.." then walk away innocently. Let her think about it for awhile!
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, Mickkiee  +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Hi. To be honest your not overreacting im sure any first reaction to this answer would be "well whats wrong with me?" However a lot of women fantasise about what another woman would be like for different reasons some becuase they are curious others are attracted to females moreso than males or others just want to know what their boyfriend/husband feels when they are the ones with the tools so to speak. I have had many a conversation about fantasices with my boyfriend and friends and none shock me and vice versa because we realise that we are intrigued by different things. This fantasy has nothing to do with you being inadaquate or anything of the sort but rather your wife looking at a quest for knowledge. I hope this helps :)
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Yes you're overreacting. It's 'Fantasy'. What she wants in reality is probably very different.
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