A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what is wrong with me . I totally lost my sexual self. I don't know ,if it is because I'm no longer attracted to my wife,or is this something else.She is very mad at me, because I can't keep an erection,and I rarely ever desire sex .I would say never actually. She is not even asking me anymore. I don't blame her... I used to be a very sexual guy before, and a few years ago, I just lost it. Went to doctor, he says ,I'm in good health, and it is probably psychological.Is it possible ,that is only me and my wife,and I would get it back with an other woman? I never thinking about leaving ,but I'm on a dead end. I do love my wife, I just don't understand myself.Thanks
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erection, no longer attracted, not interested in sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Dear anonymous!
Wow, were you a therapist? I would love to hear more about your experience about man like me.
I truly don't know what goes on, and for what ever reason, psychologist couldn't figure it out so far. Because we did go to therapist, but they said ,they dont know. Maybe ,I can't say what is my own problem, but it is not because I'm lying. When I say ,I don't understand myself, I'm very truthful. I wish ,I would know a place a clinic or someone , who are really specialized for rare cases like mine. Because I know, I don't fit into any of the categories. I dont have a medical reason. And when it comes to psychology, it is very difficult to get to the truth, if there is one. So if there is any other good idea from anybody ,I would appreciate to see it. Thanks
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): I don't have your problem, but I've treated people with your problem.This is a serious issue, assuming you are healthy and well and nothing was missed by the doctor, then you need to see a marital counselor and begin exploring why this is happening.Now, it may not be your marriage, it may only be you, but the question is "why" and only a good hard effort at figuring that out will do it.Otherwise it is very destructive to marriages, leads to affairs (and frequently it is the partner who is not interested in sex that has the affair not the one who is), and can destroy the self esteem of the partner who desires sex (because they feel undesirable).If you love your wife, got to counseling with her. Be honest, open, and willing to talk about everything and anything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): I M THE OP. Thanks so much for the answers. Here is a few more facts.
-I never think about sex, not with with any woman.
-I do love my wife, I don't want to leave.
-I don't really know how did it start, but it was now 6 years ago
-yes doctor says it is probably psychological, but I never got a diagnosis.
-They checked me out extensively and everything works, including morning erection.
-hormones are good too.
I feel very frustrated , because I dont understand my own problem. I hope to find someone in the same situation.
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A
female
reader, vip66  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 it sounds to me like your wife is just sexually frustrated. i am in exactly the same position due to my husband. he rarely makes love to me and doesnt seem to want it either.
anyway try to ask your wife if there is another way for you to satisfy her while you have your erection problems. being all stressed out wont help.
you both need support so tell her your concerns , hopfully she will listen and then hear her side.
everyone loves being hugged. such a simple thing it wont cure the problems but i am certian it will calm the situation.
love to know if ive been of help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): Consider watching soft porn but not crazy sluts that like crazy shit. your wife is not that and she may not like that kind of thing. watch it alone and surprise her dont cheat if you know what I mean. find out what she would like to be done to her or watch one with her. if it works you can please her. Try candels, good lubricant for couples you know his and hers.bath with nice sented body wash. Good luck:)
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (27 May 2011):
 have you had blood tests? diabetes test, testosterone level blood test or thyroid test? studies have been conducted..
Among HYPOTHYROID men...
Low sex drive, delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction was a complaint in 64.3% of men
Premature ejaculation was a complaint in 7.1% of men
or if your doctor thinks it might be psychological is he referring you to a psycho-sexual counsellor? i think that your wife being angry is really not helping matters. you state though 'I don't know ,if it is because I'm no longer attracted to my wife'. so does that mean that you know you are no longer attracted to her? if so it may just be as simple as that. do you have other problems within the marriage that may be putting you off having sex? are you depressed at all? money worries? work stress? do you smoke? drink? are you overweight? what is your diet like? do you get regular exercise? (personal question: can you keep an erection if you masturbate or do you not even bother to do this?) how was your sex life previously? did your wife help to make you feel confident about your performance or not? can you think of something in the past that may have started this problem or has it just tailed off gradually with no recognisable cause?
so there are lots of things to think about here, if you do still love your wife you need to consider all of the above , rather than thinking of going out and finding another woman to test your equipment with
x
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (26 May 2011):
 I think it's great that you're looking for solutions to the problem and are considerate of your wife needs. Usually, people who are no longer attracted to their partner but still have a high sex drive look elsewhere, and as you're not I think it's not to do with how attracted you are to your wife. You say you have no thoughts of leaving which is an even better sign. Maybe things have got too comfortable, or because of exterior stress you are simply less interested in sex. Maybe part of the problem is that you are self-aware regarding the amount of sex you want which is putting you off completely. Often if someone feels pressured sexually they lose interest in having any. The first step is definately to stop being so hard on yourself. Perhaps the key here is relaxing a bit, if you only feel like sex every so often then accept it and enjoy the times you do feel like it. There's loads of different things you can try be it sex therapy or finding a way to lessen the pressure. Often performance issues are because of anxiety and clearly you feel anxious. Have an honest open talk with your wife, say maybe that you need a few months to just let everything be and so it can happen when you're ready. In an ideal world we'd always be relaxed and happy and in a perfect climate for sex, but this is rarely the case. Talk to her and see if you can't find a way to make you feel more comfortable, or talk to a professional and see what they say. Don't panic though, it sounds like a hiccup. You love your wife and have had lots of great sex in the past there's nothing unhealthy or unusual about the way you are feeling.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 You said you have been to a Doctor. Have you seen a SPECIALIST like a UROLOGIST that has better training in male sexual reproductive health?I would request a test for your testosterone levels.You implied you are able to GET but not sustain an erection.Have you had a prostrate check? The most common reasons for this is a drop in testosterone, a lack of circulation (blood flow to the penis can not flow properly in and out to sustain the erection).Are you taking any medications that kill your sex drive? (Antidepressants are a common culprit)Are you under a lot of stress? Have you had any huge loss recently (1 year or less) that has impacted your life in a big way?You DO love your wife, or else you would not be asking this question. Sex is a very important and healthy part of a loving relationship. Most women feel that if their husband doesnt want to have sex with them, they must be unattractive or they are being cheated on. She is worried she is not ENOUGH for you. You may be worried YOU are not enough for her.You are way too young to give up on sex. She needs it too!Consult another doctor and examine other things that COULD be holding you back. If you are not able to sustain an erection, are you showing affection and sexuality in other ways? Kiss her, hold her, touch her, pleasure her even if there is not anything IN it for YOU. Let her know that HER well being matters too while you are sorting yourself out. Let her know that YOU feel pressured to perform and may not be able to participate in ALL ways, but you certainly want to give her some joy:) (Speaking from experience having a boyfreind with impotence issues, it was wonderful he cared about pleasing me regardless! We worked around it!)You might be suprised once you get HER engine running, you might be interested yourself!
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