A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 39 years old and my hair is really starting to recede and thin. It stresses me out. My younger brother's hair was even worse than mine, but he went out and got surgery to try to fix it. I am not sure I really want to go through the pain and the expense (not to mention uncertain results long-term) that he did. My dad still has all of his hair, but my mom's dad had male pattern baldness such that he lost all of the hair on the top of his head. I am not sure if I want to start taking a drug like Propecia or what I want to do at present. Right now, my hair still looks okay. I have a receding hairline, but I can live with it like this. Today I was helping my wife color her (black) hair (she is graying at the temples) and I told her (the truth): "I don't really care if your hair has some gray in it or not. It doesn't matter to me. If you do this, then do it for yourself." She said: "Yeah, but your hair is blonde and it's hard to notice your gray hairs and it matters less for men anyway." I told her: "Well, some day it will eventually become all gray and then it won't matter if I am blonde or not. I'll be in the same boat. At least you are not losing your hair like me." She said: "Yeah, I am vain. At least I am not losing my hair." Then she told me about two guys she knew (she described them as "poor guys") who are losing (or have lost) their hair. She said that it was not attractive on them. I was kinda of hoping she would say the same sort of thing I told her, which is that it didn't matter to her and she would love me anyway when/if it happened to me. However, she never did. It really hurt my feelings that she talked about how unattractive she found it without offering any support for me. This situation sucks hard enough as it is. Now I am worried that she finds me (or will find me) unattractive, too. Should I tell her how she made me feel? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): What are you worrying about i find that the sexiest guys are bald and so do a lot of other women
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): You know, maybe she just doesn't mind that you are loosing your hair. I love watching my husbands hair turn grey, the fact that he needs glasses now, when I married him I wanted us to grow old together and that is what we are doing.
If it really does bother you that much tell her, she's not a mind reader. Thing is as the years go by each of you are going to change, that doesn't mean you don't fancy or love each other any the less.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 We aren't always as sensitive as our partners want us to be. Sometimes because we just don't get what they are so sensitive about.
But we also often don't listen when our sensitive areas are being criticized.
Listen to what she said. "it matters less for men anyway."
Could she be saying that she doesn't care about your hair? That was about grey but basically she is saying that looking old is not an issue for her regarding you. Might the hairline be the same?
It might also be that in some relationships the woman is judged for her beauty, the man is judged for stability. Did she simply not think of comforting you about your concerns about your looks because she doesn't judge you on it?
That doesn't make her not insentive. Just as because you don't care about her weight still should not say "yes you look fat in those pants". And you didn't say "I love your gray hairs", you said about her HAIR, "I don't give a shit".
Oops!
Maybe you two should talk about being sensitive about each others hangups on getting old. But maybe you should accept from the start that neither of you are all that sensitive to the others worries.
What is funny that a dutch newpaper for fatherdays did a "what women don't get about men", what do you think one of them was? Yes, how obsessed men are about their hairline. You are not alone...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Yes tell her how the conversation made you feel but without blaming her as such. She might not know how much this issue is REALLY bothering you. And she might not really notice your hair loss at this stage, so fails to understand that you have a serious concern about it. So explain how you feel and it will give her an opportunity to reassure you.
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