A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Wife and I have been married for years. For years we (or I) tried to impregnate my wife. After many Dr. Visits to see if it was me, wife claimed it was her. We went on with life.Few months ago I was going through papers I found on a closet. Dr. bills and hospital bills.insurance did not cover. Was paid in cash. After reading these bills I discovered my wife had a Elective hysterectomy. Stated on invoice. Listing dates. Looking back these were dates I was working out of town. 1st and last time out of town.These papers confirm why we never had children. Now I’m wonder why did she lie to me, was she cheating? I’ve not confronted her yet.Should I ask why? Our sex life was wonderful but also thinking back she lost interest in sex and it was a chore to get her to reply to my advances.She worked a regular 40 hour week and we were both home at night so I wondering if she cheated when?How do I cope with knowing what I’ve found out? Do I confront her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2022): there is also keyhole surgery, come out hours after the operation is performed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2022): Never once did she tell you she did not want kids - I come from a large family! Obviously the reason she did not tell you that she did not want kids is because you wanted them and it was your dream. She wanted to keep you and not lose you by telling you the truth. It would have been nice and fair to tell you she did not want kids and then let you decide if you wanted to be with her, but she took that choice away from you as she was scared you would decide not to be with her.
Now ask yourself why she is with you? Is it love or money or both? Then you will know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2022): I’m sorry you people think this is a troll weighting. I was away or 6 weeks. When I came home there was a lot of attention to me but no sex and as far as seeing scars I never saw my wife nude. Even to this day I’ve never seen my wife muse as the lights are always off. When intimate I do feel something strange. My wife is over weight and always has been.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (6 March 2022):
 Seriously, dude? You would have needed to have been away from your wife for weeks not to notice something wrong.
I suspect one of two things is going on here:
- EITHER you had the thought - or someone else planted the thought in your head - that the reason your wife was not falling pregnant was because she had chosen to deceive you and have a "secret" hysterectomy. Now you are testing the water, so to speak, to determine whether this would be possible.
- OR you are a fiction writer and are, again, testing the water to see if this is believable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2022): I have no idea if this is a troll post or not, but for the sake of those who might be reading this in the future:There's a vaginal hysterectomy, which leaves NO scars, because there's no abdominal incision. Both recovery time and costs are considerably different than the abdominal hysterectomy (shorter and lower). Not all women qualify though. It depends on many factors, including the size of the uterus. Sometimes it is called "elective", because the diagnosis or stage do not call for it (yet), but the doctor might advise it anyhow. For example, women with endometriosis that is not severe from a medical point of view, might decide to take this option in order to stop living a life of unbearable pain. There's also a chronic pelvic pain. Btw, both conditions are known to cause infertility. Many women chose NOT to disclose their hysterectomies, sometimes even to their partners, because uterus is not only important in the reproductive life of a woman, but sexual as well. They do not want to be looked at differently, especially by their partners. There are efficient surgical ways of contraception that are less traumatic - tubal litigation. No woman would cut herself open as means of contraception.Hysterectomy is not a sign of cheating.Maybe she didn't feel comfortable taking about her symptoms...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2022): Oh dear. If you go to a doctor for a private hysterectomy or you are having an abortion or some other similar operation the doctor will offer that if you pay them extra they will also perform a hysterectomy, and they will not care what your circumstances are, whether you have kids etc is none of their concern. All they are looking at is selling the operation more and getting a bigger income. It is offered on a take it or leave it basis and you are left to decide yes or no, if you want it and can afford it. I know because I had an abortion and this happened to me. A lot of abortions do not even involve a gyno, it is just done as an operation without you seeing one. I am talking about proper clinics, not hole in the whole cheapo places.
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reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (4 March 2022):
 Not sure how she could’ve hidden that from you, but okay. Doesn’t mean she was cheating, maybe she had some medical issues that you didn’t know about. Maybe she just doesn’t want any kids. If your posts are genuine, then just ask her about it
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2022): I’m sorry you people think I’m a troll. This really is true. Yes I was away for a little over 6 weeks. As far as sex when I returned as I said sex was hard to get her to submit to my advances. After about 6 months after said hysterectomy she seemed to ease up on reluctance on sex but after about a year sex just was not in it for her. I’ve found no evidence of hormone pills nor have there been any tampons, or feminine products as when we just married. She never complained about monthly cramps or problems but I did know when her cycle would start and I also knew when her most fertile time was as sex was always cut off.Never once did she ever tell me she wanted no children. I come from a large Family. So children was my dream.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2022):
 Yeah, I think it's a troll post too.
It used to be near impossible to get a hysterectomy when you didn't have kids already. Plus the recovery is easily 2 months. I know, because I had one 4 years ago for medical reasons.
Then there are the scars. No way she could hide those HUGE scars and still have an active sex life with you.
Plus she would have been on hormones - which is not something you can hide.
"After many Dr. Visits to see if it was me, the wife claimed it was her. "
Yeah nah, this is bullshit. No doctor would examine the man only over and over and never the woman. It makes no sense.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (4 March 2022):
This is a troll post.
Your out-of-town trip must have been a few months long. You never noticed your wife in discomfort or any surgical scars? A hysterectomy is a major operation and your wife would have taken several months before she was back to normal.
Which leads me to my next point. A hysterectomy is a major operation and is only performed if the procedure is necessary. It's never done as a method of contraception. So your wife must have had genuine medical problems.
Finally, sue the idiot of a doctor who was giving you and your wife. There's absolutely no way any proficient doctor could miss the fact that his patient didn't have a uterus - let alone a fertility doctor who should have done various scans and physical examinations. (And should have repeated these examinations at various stages when your wife failed to conceive.) And, if you're suggesting that your fertility doctor was complicit in your wife's deception, then sue his ass for fraud because he continued to take money from you knowing that any treatment he gave would be be fruitless.
Try something more believable next time.
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