A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Been married for 35 years. My wife is still very hot. She mentioned to me that she and a friend went to a sex toy store and they laughed a lot. She did not say she bought anything. I did not ask. In the past 10 years sex was really for me. Usually 4 times a month. I found a big dildo in bathroom closet. What do I say of do? I was shocked at the size of it. 8 inches. I am 6. I know she has used it.
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male
reader, chilly-pepper  +, writes (3 April 2022):
 l don't think a lot of these replies get what the guy is asking. It is not about her asking him for permission or him watching porn. give advice, not criticism. She bought a dildo bigger than his penis so he worries he might be unable to please her or if she might be getting bored of getting intimate with him. These factors can lead to a lot of things and even cheating, l know because it happened with my parents. But l recommend you bring it up in a soft startup approach in a conversation and find out her feelings and then understand one another instead of being bothered too much with it. It's never worth it most of the time.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (4 March 2022):
 I don't think this is that big a deal really, you found it in the bathroom cabinet, a place where where people are bound to frequent so she obviously was not trying to conceal it.
She has also only just recently been to a sex store with her mate and they laughed a lot, maybe she just felt obliged to buy something because her friend did.
Personally if it was me i would not be concerned by this at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): I have nothing but compassion for how you’re feeling right now. You can’t help but have at least a touch of anxiety at the thought of your wife being pleased by something bigger in size than yourself. What you’re feeling right now is normal. I’d say this is comparable to a small-breasted woman thinking her husband is satisfied with her body, only to discover he’s viewing women online who are much more well-endowed than her. Whether it’s a man or woman in this situation, it’s natural for that to sting or even provoke thoughts of, “am I not enough?” Or “would he/she secretly prefer to have sex with someone with bigger boobs/a bigger penis?”
Now, as for how to handle this. If you decide to say anything to her about it, don’t come at her with anger, or an accusatory tone. The size of the toy may not be the reason she didn’t tell you. It could just be she was embarrassed to say she bought something. Some people are naturally more reserved when it comes to this sort of thing. Is your wife normally open about her sexual needs? Or does she tend to shy away from talking about it? Are you more upset that she bought a toy that was bigger than you, or is it more that you felt she willfully hid it from you?
You mention she is still very hot, maybe you can include that when you tell her you found it. Instead of having an uncomfortable conversation about the toy or asking if she bought it because she wasn’t satisfied, you could tell her how hot she is and offer to use the toy on her. She probably would not be expecting this response from you, but she might like it. This way, you still get to tell her you found it without letting her know it made you insecure. Also, instead of leading to an argument, it may lead to a night of passion. I admit it’s a risky move, but if I were in your shoes that’s how I’d handle it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): Do you pleasure yourself to porn? I bet you do. So, what's the problem with her pleasuring herself?
Women explain how men looking at other women and getting turned by them makes them feel not good enough. I guess this is the male equivalent of the same feeling.
I bet you wouldn't stop looking at porn if it made her feel insecure. Get over it, the way we have to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): The novelty wears off on all toys. Nothing substitutes for, or beats, the warmth of human touch! The feel of skin, the sweet scent of clean human flesh, hugs, caresses, kisses, and the love from a human heart. The moans of pleasure, and the utterance of the words " I love you!"
She and the girls are having some fun. Don't take it personally, sir. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't put there to be found and to get you riled up! You knew they went to the adult toy store. Why are you so surprised she bought a toy???
If you feel you're in competition with a silicone phallus, I suggest you reboot your love-making technique to be the best it's ever been. It ain't the size necessarily, it's the quality.
If she has used it, I'm sorry to say, unless you find yourself a time machine, it can't be undone. I don't think you would have found it if she really didn't want you to.
Is your marriage in peril over a rubber ding-a-ling? I'm taken-aback that you took time to measure it!
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female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (3 March 2022):
 It’s a sex toy, not another man. You didn’t ask her if she bought anything, and she didn’t tell you. Doesn’t mean she’s hiding anything, maybe she just doesn’t see it as a big deal. Maybe she just wants to use something when you’re not around. She might not have been even paying attention to the size of it.
Have you guys ever discussed sex toys in the past? What were your thoughts on them?
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A
female
reader, MysticalStella +, writes (3 March 2022):
 I can imagine your shock. I'm going to be honest here, I'm kind of shocked that you've gone through 35 years of marriage and yet describe your wife as 'hot' and also the fact that the dildo being two inches longer than your dick is an issue. So please, level with me here, are you telling me that throughout these 35 years of marriage you have never ever masturbated? Are you really so insecure about your relationship with your wife that you're jealous of an inanimate object? It's a dildo, an inanimate object. Seems to me your wife went with a friend to a sex store, had a bit of fun and a laugh looking at all the dildos, anal beads, blow up dolls and chocolate penises, and purely for the fun of it, one of them bought a dildo. Maybe your wife bought it because she was curious. She might have used it, but if so, so what? It's still an inanimate object. Do you not use inanimate objects on your body? Have you never jacked off into something like a sock?Not everything has to be about you in your marriage. Let it go. You see you know that she's used it, but you don't know why. Instead of jumping to conclusions and trying to think up something which doesn't exist, consider she might have used it out of sheer curiosity to find out something about her body which could, at some point, enhance your sex life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): And I bet you don't jerk off. Masturbation is healthy and normal. Who buys small dildos? Do they even make them? My husband bought me an even bigger one. We play with it in foreplay. I love the contrast, play acting a naughty ménage à trois that you don't have to confess,,, this time.:-() Give it a try.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2022):
 OK, and?
Does she need your permission to own a sex-toy?
Does she need you to approve of her sex-toys?
She said she didn't buy anything, which might be true. Her friend might have bought it for your wife as a gag-gift.
You two are still having sex, so I don't see the big deal what she DOES by her elf on occasion if it doesn't interfere with YOUR (yours and hers) sexlife together.
You don't own her OR her sexuality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): Talk to her. Could this sex toy become a part of your sex life as a couple?
Maybe she was ashamed to tell you.
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it when I talk to her. If you make it a big deal, it will lead to an argument and you will guilt-trip her. She did nothing wrong! Even in a couple, partners need to have some privacy. Some need more than just "some".
Btw, it makes sense that she bought a bigger dildo if sh wanted to experiment.
Be open mined, don't take this personally (because it has nothing to do with you!) and talk to her. Do not make her feel guilty. Ask her what she would like to do in bed and tell her what you would like to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): So ? What is the issue exactly if your wife has a sex toy ?
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