A
male
age
41-50,
*warley
writes:Im a 28 yearold man married for 4years and to put it nicely, my sex life has not been what u would call active. i recently found out that my attraction for her has not been returned as much as i would want. i guess im not all that attractive a little overweight. she saw an old friend and i could tell there was something there, so i asked and she admitted there was something there. then out came the truth about the attraction with me. i said she could fantasize bout him if she wanted and we had the best sex of our marriage. what shoud i do or feel here?
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male
reader, t-wett +, writes (22 April 2009):
If you feel jealous or upset about how excited she was about it then I suggest you don't bring this guy up again in the bedroom. Repeatedly roleplaying yourself as another guy that your wife actually has the hots for is a dangerous situation. If it excites you and you know for a fact that your wife wouldn't act on her impulses I would say keep on doing it. But if that's not the case I suggest you drop it and move onto something else to spice up your sex life.
A
male
reader, imtaylor78 +, writes (21 April 2009):
 i would just be careful about how often you do this role play.....it could be awsome and last a long time or it could back fire and she might want the real deal....careful on the tightrope.......unless you have ever had thoughts of a 3some..but personaly id lose my mind
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): Theres really nothing wrong with fantasising about someone as long as it remains a fantasy. I also believe that you should not tell your partner your fantasy as it might cause problems in your relationship. Try and get hold of a book called "My secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. Raunchy reading but it might help you to understand fantasies!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): Well, I can't tell you how to feel about it. You did sort of give her the go ahead to fantasize about this guy.I'm guessing it may have turned you on too? To see her so excited? I think basically you just need to spice up stuff. Letting her think about other dudes is one way, I guess. But there are other ways to spice up your sex life. Chocolate Sauce/whipped cream, handcuffs, roleplay [which is essentially what she did in a way], more interesting locations than your bed every time..like an elevator, movie theater..and so on, dirty talk perhaps, fantasy fulfillment and ect ect ectI think her having such great sex with you wasn't necessarily just because she was thinking of another dude, but because you switched up the routine a little bit. Added variety and newness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): There's not much you can do - it's impossible to control someone else's thoughts and if she's fantasising about someone you can't know what she's thinking unless she tells you at the time. She may have been thinking about this other guy giving her a seeing-to but she was actually having sex with you and not having an affair with him.
Sometimes we need a diversion to spice up our sex lives and this fantasy of hers was how she went about it. She's remained faithful to you even if her mind wandered elswhere. The time to worry about it is when she actually lives out the fantasy.
If being overweight is what you feel is making you unattractive why not get yourself on a healthy diet and get some exercise, like jogging or swimming for instance? Maybe go and join your local gym and do something positive about it.
Meanwhile there's nothing to stop you fantasising about having sex with Sarah Palin or whoever else takes your fancy when the bedroom lights are off!
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