A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years, and we have what I think is a mostly healthy relationship. Lately however, she is constantly sending or reading text messages. When we go out to eat, even with our friends, throughout the entire meal she is looking at her cell phone, reading texts, and/or sending texts. This constantly goes on no matter what she is doing. I have mentioned to her how rude I feel that it is, but she immediately gets defensive and ultimately we end up in an argument. Do you have any suggestions?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): I have asked her who she is sending or receiving texts from and she has always showed or told me. Most times it's stupid updates from Twitter (eg. who was being drafted in the NFL this weekend, various news or weather updates, etc..) Other than that she is texting with her mother or her 13yr. old son. So I really trust her enough not to worry about who she is texting, it's just the shear volume of texts 24hrs. a day and it seams like they are more important than anything else going on around her; and that includes me.
A
female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 I am going to admit to my error of past. I did this. ...when I was interested in another man! Sorry, even as a agony aunt I am not perfect.perhaps I speak or cloud your judgement wth my guilt and remorse of past, however, she is being excepionally rude and the next time she does that demand to read some of the communciation. If she is defensive and says no, then she is hiding an affair of sort.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 April 2010):
 First, a defensive reaction, I generally see as admitting guilt to something she know as to being rude or inappropriate. I cannot believe that you didn't question who is more important than those physically there, that she believed it's okay to ignore everyone around her while keeping her electronic conversation going. Then you said "healthy relationship. Lately however..." says this behavior wasn't there previously, not it's there, WHY?
To me, this behavior leads me to believe the answer is in who she's talking to rather than her texting during times you feel as being rude.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 April 2010):
 Yeah! Hide her phone! LOL
Seriously, I may sound callous for suggesting this, but try talking to her about it again, and if she still acts childish about it, stop taking her to dinner. Go out yourself with some friends. When she asks why you don't take her on dates anymore, just tell her that her texting people while you're out to dinner made you feel like you were irrelevant and unimportant to her.
I'm in your corner. Constant texting is rude.
...............................
A
female
reader, selena547  +, writes (24 April 2010):
well first i have to ask if you know who she is sending these text messages to ? Freinds, family? or is she hiding it from you ?
yes text messeging can be very addictive once started. But somehow you have to try to break that cycle with her, you need to stand your ground even through you end up in an arugment you need to let her know exactly how you feel.
telling her she is being rude may offend her yes so try a differnt approach it obvioulsy is hurting you, try to use the words "I" rather than " you" . using "you" automatically is a defense for both women and men. be kind but firm and tell her from your heart what you are feeling, and how its affecting your marriage. and how you feel frustrated and not important, that she goes on without aknologing you. if she starts up an argument leave it alone let her spill whatever it is she has to , but you REMAIN calm. the fact that you remained calm might give her a reality check and she may feel bad she was the ONLY one lashing out on you . she may come to her senses.
...............................
|
