A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My marriage was in shambles because i was drinking excessively. I have been in the military for 3 years and married for 2 1/2 years. She had a miscarriage about a year and a half ago and thats when the major problems started and things havent been the same. I got in trouble for my drinking and they sent me to rehab for 60 days. Just before that my wife said she wanted to be separated so she could find herself. While i was away she began a full on relationship with another man. She told me about it the day i was to return home. I took it surprisingly well. When i got home we talked about it and she told me she cut it off the day before i got home because she had feelings for him but felt like she was being used. I love her with all my heart and am willing to work through this. but fear that she would go back to him if he called ( she tells me that would not happen). So i have changed. I dealt with all my problems while in rehab and no longer have the desire to drink. I am fully involved in my recovery so i am accepting the fact that we are separated and not having resentments. She now says she needs to get over him and wants to work on our relationship. I feel lost any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 It is good that this relationship seems to be getting better. Continue to be more understanding of her. You must ensure that both of you have completely dealt with the pain you have suffered. A miscarriage is not something one may easily overcome so, I do see why she did have this affair. Do not misunderstand, I am not saying she is completely absolved of any wrongdoing because of such a tragedy, it was a poor choice but, entirely understandable. She knew however that it was wrong for her and it ceased offering the comfort she thought it would provide.
Forgiveness, complete trust and faith in each other is something you need to focus on especially. But just so there is a sense of stability and progress, I do recommend that you seek couple's therapy.
I hope that helps.
A
male
reader, SoltanGris +, writes (7 April 2013):
 I don't think there is any question of your love for your wife. The question is if she still has the same love for you. That's what you should center your attention on. Tell her you need her to be honest and if she doesn't feel the love for you she had before, then maybe it's time for a divorce. On the other hand, if her affair with another man was more physical than mental/spiritual, and if that's something you can forgive, try to work things out.
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A
female
reader, tomie13  +, writes (7 April 2013):
Your wife has been unfaithful and have breached the marital vows weather you accept it or not. And there's this adage that says once a cheat, always a cheat....though not in all cases as people grow up and mature. I will suggest you both go for counselling nd from there you will assess the marriage if you should continue or not. Fear cannot run a marriage and trust is very important.
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