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anonymous
writes:
Hello
I am hoping you can help.
About 6 months ago, my wife met a neighbour at the bus stop. He is about 35,
my wife is 50 but still very attractive. They started chatting and met most
mornings. My wife mentioned their meeting and over the next few weeks seemed
to mention him a lot, about what a fun guy he is, how they always have lots
to talk about.
She then suggested that we invite him over for dinner - he is a single guy
living on his own. I had met him briefly and he seemed ok, and had no
objection to the invite. It was a pleasant evening, but i sensed that my
wife was dressing to impress, wearing a rather sexy black top and it is
clear that there is some chemistry between them. It came out in conversation
that he is spending christmas with friends but my wife i am sure was on the
point of asking him to join us. She wants to invite him over for a drink on
the Monday or Tuesday after Christmas.
I am not normally a jealous person, but i wonder what the reaction would be
if I had met an attractive female neighbour and was talking about her
constantly and wanting to invite her over for dinner and then drinks.
She certainly seems on a high when she is in his company, and I cant seem to
get the two of them together out of my thoughts. I am not an insecure person
and do not want to mention anything to my wife as i know that many wives
have male friends.
Your advice would be appreciated.
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christmas, insecure, jealous, neighbour Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DrJohnca  +, writes (26 March 2010):
In my book you are one LUCKY man!! For years I have been trying to get my wife to take a lover to spice up our marriage. Yes, we love each other VERY much, but the thought of her being with another man is a REAL turn on. So what does that have to do with you??
Talk with her about that. You might be surprised how turned on you would be with the thought of her enjoying this younger man and how much this may REALLY spice up your marriage. Just talk with her in detail if she would like to have this younger man as a lover and see where it goes. It could open a new whole world for you!!
A
male
reader, tmadd1 +, writes (7 January 2010):
I have had a wife with whom i was deeply in love cheat on me and it happened so easily to us that i really don't know that a real marriage is actually possible.. at least for me.
If it were me in your shoes i would speak to my wife about how this man is single and he seems alright.. wouldn't it be great if we could set him up with someone we know.
If she doesn't go for it you'll know where you stand.. but the best thing to do would be to go ahead and set up a blind date for him with someone you know who would go on a date with him (despite your wife not going along.) really at this point he is not the problem.. it's your wife. so setting him up with someone you know is harmless.
at the very least it would create an atmosphere too uncomfortable for your wife to pursue him.. and certainly would give him the message from your perspective.
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female
reader, 127508 +, writes (21 December 2009):
 omg, first off, if you can get, and keep it up in bed... theres nothing to worry about, believe me! second, so what i have a boyfriend, and i have like a million guy friends, and i kiss them and flirt with them, but its not like im cheating on my boyfriend logan
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Unless he is gay he is interested in sleeping with your wife. I would suggest to her that you are not comfortable with this friendship and if she refuses to stop then start initiating friendships with younger attractive women....
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female
reader, bitch +, writes (19 November 2009):
Ok, this sounds like she has a crush. And I can totally understand your concern about that. You have the right to find a younger "friend" and invite her over for dinner as well, so why don't you try that and see what your wife thinks.... She deserves it!!! You really should tell her that this type of friendship makes you VERY uncomfortable and you would prefer he doesn't come over anymore.
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male
reader, DAVE MATTEWS +, writes (14 November 2008):
My wife just turned 40 years old and has this 27 year old male friend she met at work - she works at a gym. My wife recently told me she doesn't love me any more but was talking to this friend long before that. She says he's attractive but they're not attracted to each other!?? They talk and text each other just about every day. This bugs me a lot! She seems to be investing way more into this "friendship" than our marriage but she says she doesn't want a divorce or separation and this isn't about being with someone else. Any feedback???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): Your wife is 50 and presumably around menopause. Beginning to experience the effects of a shifting hormone balance and becoming a bit randy.
He's 35 and clearly a loser or he'd be married.
Your wife is desperate to convince herself she's still attractive as a woman. If it's not him, it'll be someone else.
Do some research. Find out where he works. Raise some questions with the Human Resources Manager there. You may or may not choose to warn the guy off, but if you do, make it ever so polite so that you don't end up on the wrong side of the law.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): I am a 38 year old woman and I have a male friend who is 21 and very attractive - yes he has met my husband a few times. It is a real ego boost to have a younger man pay attention to me. I love my husband of 10 years and would never cheat on him no matter what. If my male friend ever made a move on me, or if my husband said that this friendship makes him uncomfortable then I would definately cool down the friendship, stop having the occasional lunch or drink with him etc. It is possible that your wife finds her friend attractive, but would happily end her friendship with him if you were to tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. - best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): Way bad!! I have been married for 10 years me and my wife are both 33, we have a friend, well she is more his friend, they took a vacation together, now he is moving and my wife just happens to be going to that part of the country next month. I found a digital picture of them with him standing behind her with his arms around her waist and she grabbing his hands, they look so in love!! He is about 7 years younger than us. Every time I try to mention my feelings I get the same thing, stop being controlling or you're being ridiculous. I showed them both the picture at different times and they both had the same reaction, he turned white and couldn't speak and my wife wouldn't even look at it after she saw how much they looked in love.I can't stop thinking about it either and it is driving me crazy. I wish she could understand how i feel, I would never put another woman in front of my wife and kids.I don't know what to do either.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2006): It seems almost everyones given you the right answers,except about the invite ,get him drunk, and have a threesome,cause if you did and things went that way,then you might have a new male friend of 35 and well it just dont seem fight for you to get throwed off and all. Start the romance senerial,flowers nice comments and dinner and a show make her feel apprechiated swoon her like you did years back and apprechiate her goodlooks at age 50, I have a beautiful 42 year old and she still looks 15 years younger. if you love her as i do mine, you will do what is the right thing and keep your marriage strong and she can still have a younger male friend who is just that. Have confidence in yourself and your wife, if shes 50 well your no spring rooster and you probley been nested for along time SAVE YOUR MARRIGE but be diplomatic! Goodluck to you Sir.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): man do i ever know how you feel , im in the same situation and defintly feel emotionally cheated on. Thats the perfect way to describe it. This guy and situation is runeing our marrage and is churning inside of me 24/7. When i try and share my feelings with her she thinks im trying to controll her n all ( seems like a defenceve act , witch should not be nessary if there was no intrest huh ). everyone elses awncers here seem to be good advice, I just hope this all ends soon , i cant handle it anymore. I know our marrage is way saveable but i guess its up to her now, I dont know what else to do other than bottle it all up and wish for everthing to work out okay.
Jasko420
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005): Dear SirI have read your case and often when I read cases like this I get heart broken at what is happening in the world today specialy in european countries. With all the films and music which encourage explict relationships and freedom of free relationships. It is easy to see how the society can be corrupt.I live in the Uk and I am British pure for all those people thinkin I am a paki or terrosist no this is not the case.But I have been to many of those countries, of which many are poor and people live a simple life.my minded has been opened by these people.But enough about meYour problem is simple to meYour wife definantly likes this lad and vice versa.your wife is becoming attached to him. As the one of the guys mentioned before MALES do not have FEMALE friends unless they like them in some way or another.Your wife needs to be told on how you feel, no doubt she will deny whatever happens, but do not do the same as what she is doing by creating this false competition.I understand you would like to invite a young female to dinner but this will not reslove anything except making things difficult.Tell her the truth, that you do not like her being too close to this neighbor, she needs to back away and make it clear to her that she is hurting your feelings regardless of how seroius things may be.becasue if your wife truly loved you she would and I gurantee this she would respect your wishes and want to make you happy not unhappy.Let me know what happens my if you can
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2005): Your wife is cheating on you emotionally. Your goal now is to find out why. That means talking to her. Find out why she needs him. Find out what you are doing wrong. Get the book 'Emotional Infidelity' by Gary Neuman. Read it... then see if your wife will.
Act now to save your marriage
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): The best advice is to have him over for dinner again and serve lots of drinks...after dinner suggest that the three of you go to the bedroom for some fun...if they both agree then it is time to leave..there are plenty of fish in the sea...some people in life are loyal and some are unaware takers...all the best...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): Tell her how you feel. Ask her if she would be ok with you having a atractive younger female "friend". if you dont get it out now, it will build up. by the way, guys dont have female friends that they dont want to sleep with. so he would lay your wife if he had the chance. Also, why dont you get a subscription to a sicko porn magazine in this guys name, but have it sent to your house. they your wife will think he is a freak andwant nothing to do with him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2005): She likes him.I'm going threw the same thing sorta. I'm dumping mine beause I confronted her about it and things didn't stop.So my advice is if you can live wih it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2004): Do you know any women younger and attractive? If so invite her to meet this young beau. Maybe they will hit it off and then your wife will not dress to impress him anymore. Also sit down with your wife and let her know your feelings about Mr. 35. Tell your wife that you aren't saying she can't have friends but their are friends and there are more than friends and the way it seems to me is if you don't take action now then you will be left out in the cold. take my advice. My mom is 53 and is married to a 35 year old man who is a con artist. She met him while working at our local jail. Set him up with a woman his age, and while you are at it after you talk to your wife, maybe it would be a good idea that you talked to him also. This is your wife so stand your ground and don't let him move in on your woman!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2004): I have one word for you: BEWARE. I get a REALLY bad feeling about this. You need to find the proper time to talk to you wife, but don't wait too long. I've been cheated on, and it really sucks.
A few bits of advice … romance your wife. Bring her flowers, take her to dinner, serve her breakfast in bed, buy her some jewelry. Make her feel special. Let her know that you love her and tell her how sexy she is. I'm sure you're a wonderful person and a loving husband, but having a stranger (especially a younger stranger) pay attention to us can be very tempting. It's new and unusual and very dangerous.
Nip this in the bud.
Best of luck to you!
Anne
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