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anonymous
writes:
I'm hoping you can give me some advice.
I met a really nice guy on an Internet dating site 4 months ago.
We get on really well and speak every day and spend a lot of time together.
My problem is that I told a friend of mine about him and where and how I met
him and as she is single, she created a profile on the same online dating
site with the hope of meeting someone as well.
Imagine my horror when she told me that she had received an email in
response to her profile, from my now boyfriend. He obviously didn't know it
was my friends as the profile doesn't contain her actual name. I was so
shocked I told her to continue corresponding with him to see how far he
would take it. She asked him if he was single and he said he was.
He also replied saying that her profile sounded interesting and that he was
sure they would get on. He included an email address and mobile phone
number, neither of which were familiar to me.
This went on for about a week and in that time I found it very hard to
behave normally towards him. It came to a head when in response to his
asking to see me, I told him to p*** off and go and see (my friends profile
name) he was really shocked that I knew.
I refused to answer his persistent calls for about a week and when I finally
did speak to him he said that he was just kidding around and that he likes
meeting new people online and chatting with new people and making friends
(funny how it was other females)
He said that it was purely innocent and that he really cares about me. Over
a few more weeks I forgave him and things got back to normal.
All this while I didn't tell him my friend's name so as to keep her out of
it.
Problem now is she recently created a different profile on the same web site
and he contacted her under this new name as well, not knowing that it is the
same person.
This time she told me but didn't reply to his contact
Recently I found the second mobile phone in his work bag, this is the number
that he gives out to the people he contacts on this dating site.
I really dont know what to do. I do still really like him but I'm not sure
if I can trust him. When I'm with him, he's always loving and considerate
and caring.
Should I ditch him? should I confront him again? As I spend alot of time
with him, I dont think he is meeting the people he corresponds with on the
internet.
What should I do, please help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): You girls are over-reacting. First of all, when you met this guy on the Internet, he was probably already talking to other women before you. So think like a man but with a feminine touch. I went through the same thing, met a hot guy on the Internet, after weeks of dating he professes his undying love for me etc., but he still logs into his profile regularly, obviously still communicating with women. First thing I did was tell him that when I went on the dating site to delete my profile, I saw that he is still regularly visiting his.. I told him (without any anger; in fact half smiling) that I was disappointed but its his choice. Then I never raised the subject again with him. But I reactivated my profile, updated my photo and profile, started chatting with other men also. I also started ignoring 80% of his calls and emails, mostly stating that my work was keeping me so busy (as men do). When he saw my profile back on line and saw my reduced availability, he panicked. Now he was the paranoid one, hunting and searching for me. I basically used the old fashioned method of jealousy. If at this point he decides to pursue you, then you know he was genuinely interested. If he doesnt bat an eye then you know you were just in a long line of prospects and you can move on. The important thing is to NEVER lose your cool, scream, cry or any desperate type behaviours. You have to give him the impression that "I like you, but I have options"! To cut a long story short, my boyfriend flew across continents with a diamond ring to propose and we will be married soon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): LOL! I had my boyfriend's pictures on my Classmates page and a girl I went to school with saw it and wrote me and asked why I was calling him 'my guy', because he had a profile on singlesnet.com! I searched that site and sure enough I found his profile, saying that he was single and looking for a relationship with no games. My trust flew out the window and I dropped him and his games like a hot potato, no questions asked! He keeps calling saying it was all a mistake and when I refuse to take him back he tries to make me out to be wrong for searching for his profile. The nerve of some people!
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A
female
reader, Yeah whatever  +, writes (11 June 2008):
I'm dealing with the same exact thing now. Even had a friend whose profile he responded to, except in my case it was two different friends, on two different sites! And both times I got the "I was just having fun, I wasn't going to actually meet them" routine. But one of them copied the chat she had with him and sent it to me. Yep, he lied about it ... said he told her that he was seeing someone, but the actual transcript of the chat said "I'm not with any 1 rite now" ... misspellings and all. He sent his phone numbers and email address to both of them, and tried to tell me that someone else had answered and sent the info for him ... ha! Well, he insisted that he would stop, he deleted one of the profiles because it ran out ... he still has the other, and I've discovered several others that he has ... and he's still responding to women on the internet. I'm not even going to ask him about them because I know I'll get lies in return. I love this man, and he loves me (at least he's said so). Yes, we met on the internet. He knows how much what he's doing hurts me and how it makes me feel, how disrespectful it is to me. This man has been dogged by women in the past, but I've done nothing wrong or disrespectful to him. But none of that seems to matter. I'm thinking that it's time to move on to someone who can respect me and appreciate the good woman that he has. I love him and don't want to do that, but ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): This is an ongoing struggle I have had..seems most guy want "to keep there options open"..."They date you and then get home and go to the date site...like wtf?? To me, if they are into you, then delete the date site profile..if it doesnt work, another can be made.
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A
female
reader, Zoekedi  +, writes (24 March 2008):
I am in the same situation myself now execpt we havent even met yet. Lots of calls 3 times a day, plans to meet soon, but hes been sending messages to other girls on online dating sites. Im walking away as obvioulsy hes not serious about me.
Likewise if your man really cared about you he wouldnt be doing this. I think if they can cheat so early on the foundations of trust will never be able to be rebuilt.
It is wrong, 100% wrong what hes doing, despite how he wants to 'flower it up' its just chatting'. Its not just chatting, its a DATE site. Even if he deleted his profile now how would you know how many other sim cards he has?
I think if you stay with this guy your setting yourself up for more hurt in the long run.
Until you meet someone who thinks your enough for them, close the door on this and keep searching hun.
He's a liar and you deserve more. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I totally agree with the other responses. I met a man from a dating site 2 yrs ago. Within the first 12 months he had cheated with 2 women I know of definitely, and I suspect lots more. Even a girl 21 yrs younger than him in her teens. I also thought I loved him, and have recently packed him on his way. It is hard but life goes on, and I know I will never forgive and forget. Don't get trapped again, it is too easy to go back to what you know, lots more men out there!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): best let him go. I met a guy online he was really into a 'relationship' with me. Met his family/daughter.. then I found out he was having fun on his facebook account with other girlies.. he used the word 'it's just a bit of fun' too.. He also said he 'liked to be friends with lots of people' again like you it was only girls!! I confronted him about it though and hey.. two days later he said he was confused about what he wants. He is still on the dating site... i'm better off without him.. and so are you
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A
female
reader, Kazanne101 +, writes (10 January 2006):
Forget him and try again! I'm uncertain about internet dating as I've just started trying it myself and after meeting a few men I've realised it's so easy for men (and women) to cheat this way.If he was committed to making it work with you he would have removed his profile by now - enough said I think.Best of luck for the future.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (22 April 2005):
 Yep ditch him! Hes keeping his options open until someone he really wants comes along! Hes probably with you as you will do for now.. have some respect for you.. you know hes out there looking for others.. hes getting off on all the attention... go find someone who will want you for you... hes really not worth it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2005): dump him, he's a cheat, no two ways about it, sorry!
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