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anonymous
writes:
I am 48 and my wife of 19 years is 42.
I think slowly our marraige is going down hill and it is upsetting me greatly.
In the not too distant past my wife and I enjoyed a happy and varied relationship and sex life. I am not stupid enough to know that things do not stay the same forever. Nowadays our sex life is once or twice a month. My wife insists that women got like sex as much when they get into their forties. The most importent thing to me though is her total lack of affection towards me. She says that she has never changed and that she has always been the same but I promise you that is totally untrue. I do not expect her to come rushing up to me and give me hugs and kisses as soon as i walk in the door, or to be the "whore" in the bedroom every night. I have tried the romancing side (odd flowers and chocs) the last time it was met with disdain and was told not to waste my money. The real problem is that I Love her as much if not than when we first met and she still beautiful and sexy in my eyes. Can you suggest anything
regards
J
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, F, writes (3 January 2005): J-
We're kind of peers - my wife and I are 43 and married 17 years. You don't mention kids, but we have three daughters. Although the frequency of our sex life has certainly diminished due to jobs and kids, etc, I don't think lack of affection is the reason for us. By the way, my wife is somewhat overweight, which causes problems for both of us, but I do enjoy sex with her and would not turn her down. I believe at 43 she still very much enjoys and craves it.
Have you looked inside of yourself regarding your situation with your wife? You sound about as "romantic" as I am, and I know I fall short quite often. Do you listen when she speaks and shares with you, or has she closed up because she gets no response? I know from experience that relationships have lulls, or periods of animosity (like when I fixate on my wife's weight as a turn-off). What has caused this decline in her enthusiasm or love for you and the relationship?
Has your apppearance or the way you present yourself changed? Ironically, many of the wives in our peer group joke that they want more sex than their husbands give them; she claims nothing has changed, but surely something has and you need to press her to discover what is causing her to be down about her marriage. Perhaps she will open up to you and share it, if you continue to try to dialogue with her. You might offer her a card, assuring her of your feelings, and requesting some ideas on what you can do to rekindle her love and interest.
Be patient with her - your persistance may lead her to tell you something that you do not wish to hear or accept about yourself, but may lead to greater itimacy and sharing in your relationship.
Hang in there, cause you do love her very much...
F
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):
Perhaps she perfers to take things slow now in life. But if you say you
wanted a more activeness in the marriage as to back then. Perhaps you need a
new strategy as to doing things you haven't done before to her. Romantic
beach walk which doesn't involve any money what so ever since flower and
chocolate is a waste she claimed. Get her more active and motivated like
jogging in the morning with the two of you or cuddle while looking at the
stars at night. Ultimately you will need to explore and improvise what there
is to be done but if all else fails tone things down to her level.
I hope my advice proves useful to you and may you find the guiding light to
the answer you seek~
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