A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This isn't a problem as such, but its something i've been pondering on for a really long time and I wondered if maybe anyone here could give their own opinion on it. I live in a very small town, there isn't too much to do here and there never has been. But when I was 15, I met a group of people who I honestly thought were so cool and awesome, but when i began to look deeper and spend more time with these people I realized there was nothing good or cool about them. This group of people are renowned for hanging out in my towns local library, but they don't go there to read, they just go there to talk, mess around and thats about it. The group ages from teens who are about 14 all the way up to grown men who are 23-24 years old. This whole group spends its time taking drugs, sleeping with eachother, getting into arguements, gossiping and lying about some of the most disgusting of things such as miss-cariages, cancer and rape. They obviously do it for attention which is just disgusting, but hey ho thats the way the world rolls. However, one bit in all of this intrigues me, all of these people are so happy to throw all the good opportunities in there lives away without even thinking about it, they drop out of college, push away good people, give up every good thing which comes there way, and why? So they have more time to hang out in a library for gods sake. They have no morals, and no cares for the future, they are happy making the same mistakes over and over again, and they are happy to risk there families and education for basically nothing. This is something I have never encountered before, and I just wondered, why on earth would someone do this? Throughout my whole life I have never given up, sometimes i've fallen down but i've always got back up, I have had to fight for everything I have, even things like education and meeting criteria and what not I have fought for and I wouldn't risk it for anything. So why do these people just throw it away?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): That used to be me. It took me until I was 27 before I did anything people like you would consider "meaningful", i.e. become a working drone who worries about their future prospects and never truly gets to enjoy the moment because they're always looking ahead.
I went to college when I was 18 for the first time and dropped out. Why? Because I realised I wanted to have my fun before I was too old to enjoy life.
Society tells us that ambition is the only virtue in life and without it you're nothing. Well I disagree. While most people are happy to be automated robots going from school to college to work to a house, family, car and then retire, I decided to retire in my 20's and have my fun then. Sleep around, travel the world, meet awesome people, do fun things, take drugs, go to festivals, play music, see and do the most incredible things and be completely free to go do what I like, where I like.
Life to me is for living now, not preparing to live in the future. I've never had debts or worried about money, I worked everywhere and anywhere I could to fun my lifestyle and I enjoyed 99% of it, with some very tough times thrown in too which I can look back on being the basis for who I am.
My point is, OP. The joy of life is choosing how you want to live it, if you have a goal you want to achieve and are determined to get there then that can be enriching, but that doesn't mean those of us who don't, have any less of an enriching life because we don't buy into the "you must be a good little contributor to society and succeed" crap.
People looked down on me with their bitter eyes as I kicked back into a life of fun and wonder while they slogged it out for shit money, in an office full of pricks struggling to pay off debts they accrued simply because they have some insane need to fit into societies mould of 'good citizen'.
OP not everyone's life takes the same route. I know people who did the rat race, school/college/career thing with no time out, that are still working those jobs and trying to manage debt.
Yet here I am working as a teacher in a subject that I love, a self-made millionaire who only decided to really start playing the game when I was 27 until then all I did was hang around and have fun, find new ways to have a fun and work any job that could fund that fun without a care in the world and yeah I have spent years "scrounging" on the dole too. Funnily enough though for a scrounger I paid more tax last year than most people do in their lifetime.
They're not throwing away their future, they're taking a different path in life. You have no idea what may happen in anyone's, and even your future. If having ambition brings you joy, makes you happy, gives you purpose then by all means keep going the way you are going but don't think for one second people who may join the game late and take a few years off because they don't know what they want to do yet have any less of a future than you because frankly OP. I have a better present than most of the people I know who thought like you. I did things in life they can only dream about and can only attempt to replicate the two to three weeks in a year that they have holidays from work. I can retire from work tomorrow and do it all again if I like, they have to wait until they're in their 60's, if they can even manage to get their debts paid off by that time.
There's more than one way to live. Yours may be best for you but try not to judge people harshly that don't have the same aspirations. Don't be fooled into thinking life is about ambition and success. There is value in kicking back and taking time to just float around and take in the beauty of life too. You may work hard to get where you want to be and find it's not really what you wanted because you're young and it's possible when you mature your ideas will be different. One of those people you talk about may spend years doing nothing and end up in a better place in life.
In other words you can't really throw your future away by not playing by the rules of the rat race, you can choose to do that at any time.
I went to college with people in their 50's who had married young, raised a family and finally decided they wanted to go have a career and do something else. They can change their life any time they want.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 OK, it's clear to me. One has to know each of us is inhabited by two drives (pulsions) called the Eros and the Thanatos.As everybody knows it here, Eros is the God of Love in the ancient greek tradition. He was a very important god in fact, not just the little Cupidon who shoots his arrows to make people fall in love, but in the deep and mysterious tradition, he is even held as the more ancient god of all, the one who is at the origin of the creation.Thanatos, as for him, is the God of Death.Each time you do something good, it "tickles" your Eros, it's the will to live, to be happy, to grow, to progress, to have babies too.Each time you do something you know to be wrong for you, your "tickles" your Thanatos, the will to hurt yourself, to trash yourself, to put an end to your miserable life.It has been said that the "Thanatos" was excited by the ART NOUVEAU with its curves, its subjects inspired by nature (bugs, strange plants, spores etc.) up to the entropy (natural and inescapable movement of destruction of things as to allow their reorganization). The rumor says that some rich people who could afford this sort of full decoration of their mansion/flat (apartment) did feel bad after a while, some even feeling depressed, leading them to ask for the destruction of such beauties. And indeed, there are not so many ART NOUVEAU decorations still left.Besides, the Thanatos drive is clearly excited by some musics full of strange chords, bestial screams and dissonances (a large part of rock as uncovered by the famous satanist who had a HUGE influence on musicians and Hollywood artists: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1EXeurb4lI ). Yet, some nice musics like the symphonies of Schubert for instance are said to convey a degree of melancholy too that excites the Thanatos drive (Schubert was chronical sick).Back to your question: yes, a lot of people yield to their inner Thanatos, and this is even more frequent when there is "no future" written everywhere in their town. A lot of prostitutes and porn stars come from little town where there is nothing to do but to get bored, to drink, to brawl and to fuck all day long.If your heart feels revolted by that waste, very good. That's that your Eros drive is stronger than their Thanatos drive. It's quite a miracle considering you're living in a "lost spot". Then try your best to go out of this town, and don't lose your time to do it, otherwise you could be contaminated by the surrounding depression.Do something of your life and never your inner Thanatos pull you down the hole.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet +, writes (7 February 2014):
OK, it's clear to me. One has to know each of us is inhabited by two drives (pulsions) called the Eros and the Thanatos.
As everybody knows it here, Eros is the God of Love in the ancient greek tradition. He was a very important god in fact, not just the little Cupidon who shoots his arrows to make people fall in love, but in the deep and mysterious tradition, he is even held as the more ancient god of all, the one who is at the origin of the creation.
Thanatos, as for him, is the God of Death.
Each time you do something good, it "tickles" your Eros, it's the will to live, to be happy, to grow, to progress, to have babies too.
Each time you do something you know to be wrong for you, your "tickles" your Thanatos, the will to hurt yourself, to trash yourself, to put an end to your miserable life.
It has been said that the "Thanatos" was excited by the ART NOUVEAU with its curves, its subjects inspired by nature (bugs, strange plants, spores etc.) up to the entropy (natural and inescapable movement of destruction of things as to allow their reorganization). The rumor says that some rich people who could afford this sort of full decoration of their mansion/flat (apartment) did feel bad after a while, some even feeling depressed, leading them to ask for the destruction of such beauties. And indeed, there are not so many ART NOUVEAU decorations still left.
Besides, the Thanatos drive is clearly excited by some musics full of strange chords, bestial screams and dissonances (a large part of rock as uncovered by the famous satanist who had a HUGE influence on musicians and Hollywood artists: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1EXeurb4lI ). Yet, some nice musics like the symphonies of Schubert for instance are said to convey a degree of melancholy too that excites the Thanatos drive (Schubert was chronical sick).
Back to your question: yes, a lot of people yield to their inner Thanatos, and this is even more frequent when there is "no future" written everywhere in their town. A lot of prostitutes and porn stars come from little town where there is nothing to do but to get bored, to drink, to brawl and to fuck all day long.
If your heart feels revolted by that waste, very good. That's that your Eros drive is stronger than their Thanatos drive. It's quite a miracle considering you're living in a "lost spot". Then try your best to go out of this town, and don't lose your time to do it, otherwise you could be contaminated by the surrounding depression.
Do something of your life and never your inner Thanatos pull you down the hole.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 There's absolutely NOTHING about these cretins you've described that has ANYTHING to do with you. Soooooooo....
.... WHAT is your question??????
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 February 2014):
Dear OP,
I can't answer your question completely, but I believe it has to do with believing in yourself and your strength.
You may have had to fight for everything, yet you also got results for fighting. You didn't lose hope and courage. I don't think these people purposefully throw away all their opportunities, I think they don't realize they can get out of where they are. They are probably not looking forward to anything in particular, so they hang out with friends who are as desperate. That's what gives them comfort.
Nobody does anything for no reason. For you, it might seem like they throw away a lot for basically nothing. Yet, maybe to them, it may seem as though they are hanging on to the only good things that have happened or that will happen to them. Drugs, sex and gossip are ways to distract oneself from sadness, hopelessness or challenges that seem too hard.
Well, I don't know if this was any help. Hang on to the good things you are doing and stay away from that group. It takes strength to separate oneself from so-called friends and choose an individual path. Continue like that, OP.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 February 2014):
I come from a small town as well. Like you, I've fallen on many occasions, have bounced back every time. I have often said that the only thing that will stop me is death.
The trouble is,there are a lot of people,often from small towns or bad backgrounds, who simply don't have the strength or will to move forward. It's easy to get stuck in your life when you think there is no way forward, or you just can't find the will to make something of yourself.
I think you'll find that's what has happened with these people. They come from a small town, perhaps with a lack of jobs, perhaps from a poor/bad background. Maybe they just have nothing else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): Maybe these people feel worthless and haven't acquired the confidence to go for things because they feel like failures already and have put themselves down before letting themselves have any hope that they can achieve something. Often these kinds of people have had issues and I guess you could say that there's no excuse because many people have faced difficulties, however some don't have the strength to pick themselves back up again.
Saying that, they may all be going through a phase and may grow out of it as they realise the implications of what they're doing. You sound like you stand as a good example of how they can be, maybe they'll look up to you and try and achieve something for themselves. At least you have your head screwed on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): It sounds very much as if you are talking about people who are generally considered to belong to 'the working class' - even if they are unemployed, they would still be considered to probably fall into this category.Theorists have written a lot about what causes class divisions in society and why some people remain working class whilst others aspire and gain entry into middle class life-styles.There are various factors involved. But two things are maybe worth mentioning. The people that you speak of probably are descended from families with a long, long history of working class attitudes. That's not to say that everyone in that bracket has the same attitudes, just that poverty, or being just above the bread line, for generation after generation can often lead to very, very low expectations and ambitions in younger people - this isn't always the case, probably just as often you will get younger people with extreme ambition and a very committed work ethic. Often young people in working class backgrounds have been on the receiving end of very mixed and confusing messages - parents can place high expectations on them but literally not equip them with the right support - ill-educated parents, or parents who didn't have their own practical support often can't help their kids but, worse, don't even sense that there is any obligation to do provide these 'extras' that kids from wealthier families often take completely for granted.Another factor is that, in some cases, individuals will actually contribute to their own degradation within society. They not only find a low-value social position or an anti-social position, but because they literally have had no other experience of anything else, they take comfort from one another in the fact that they are of low social value. It may sound odd, but it can give people a very strong sense of immediate power not to conform, not to aspire - in a way it's a form of resistance to social forces and, for many, it's the only form of resistance they have. Often this happens when people feel that they have no choices in life.There really is no way that we should judge others - it's all too easy to look at the situation from the outside and, whilst many factors have to be taken into account, we simply don't know what goes on in individual's lives behind closed doors - people can be suffering terrible psychological abuse and absolutely no one will have a clue because their home seems nice, parents are working and chat to people...we just never really know. So whilst you might want to feel superior to these people because you are not prepared to make this 'choice', I'd urge you not to judge them. They simply won't have your psychological make-up. It very, very nearly happened to me - I came so close to going down a bad route despite working so hard at school - I was enduring horrific home life but, from the outside, people would assume that I was spoiled and because my grades were okay and sometimes really great, assumed I could just work even harder and become 'genius', that nothing could possible be wrong other than that. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Home life was hell on earth but no one saw it. I probably only stopped going down that route because my elder sister did it before me - and she was abused far more by my father, but, from the outside, people were so very willing to blame her as being innately lazy and evil. I managed to avoid all of that because, somehow, I am incredibly driven and managed to overcome the urge to self-sabotage, somehow managed to begin to process my own depression and my own experiences. Not everyone can do it, they just can't. It took every last ounce of my strength and more. It's not easy, but it is all too easy to look to others and feel angry that they haven't had such a hard time as you - whether they 'succeed' or 'fail'. If you'e angry with this lot now, you'll probably be angry later when you realise others who are as successful as you seem to have had an 'easier ride' in life. The only way around it is not to compare yourself and do as much as you can to understand why others end up that way - doesn't mean you have to agree that it's right, just that there is a far, far bigger picture than you can see right now.
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