A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: so i really like this guy. i think he's interested in me too. he's always really nice, buys me things, and on the last valentines day, he sent me a card with 35 kisses. i counted them, i'm weird i know. but anyway, he's always nice to me, and he's nice to my friends too. but two of my friends despise him. they say he's ugly and not very nice! they think i have a bad taste for guys, but i really like this one. its gotten so bad that today, my friend said, "ok, your guy's so annoying, and so are you. now you either chose. him or all of us. we're your friends." and then she just walked away. i've been friends with her for almost two years now. why do they hate him when he's so nice? i'm 13 if that helps. and he's thirteen too, and so is that friend who told me to chose.
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 The problem in and of itself is that you're 13. And 13 year olds aren't always the most mature about things like this.
They are obviously jealous of the attention he's getting and they see him as a threat. That he's taking you away from them.
As a general rule, you should never ditch your friends for a boyfriend. on the other hand, your friends should never make you choose like that.
Try to talk to them. tell them that you really like him and you want their support. That it doesn't mean you're going to ditch their friendship because they are very important to you.
Good friends aren't supposed to tell you what to do. They let you make your own choices of whatever makes you happy and they support you. If you find that your friends keep trying to force you to do what they want you to do, maybe they aren't the best friends to have.
Good luck. This boy sounds nice. :)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 February 2014):
 I had a "friend" when I was around your age. She decided she hated me and created a group she called the "[My last name} Hate Society." Yeah, it was really mean. It was very confusing for me at the time.
i came to understand a lot later on that she was a troubled young girl who had this need to try to control the people around her. I was just being my young teenage self and had no idea she was so toxic.
My mom helped me a lot when this happened and I found out about the Hate Society.
Basically, she tried to bully me. I wasn't actually a good target because I had a lot of other people who liked me and basically protected me from her without me realizing it. I think she lost a lot a friends when she did that. I'm sure that wasn't what she intended.
Ah well, that poor girl, I hope she grew up and found some happiness, because she was one miserable girl….
So what's the point here?
Is this friend really your friend? Is she someone who really and truly cares about you?
From what you've written, she sounds like my 'friend'… not a real friend, just someone who tries to control people around her.
You'll meet a lot of these types as you go through life. The key is to learn to identify them before they get to you.
Now, on the boy side, if your friend is a genuine friend and really does want the best for you, and she's concerned about this boy because he's really not on Santa's "nice" list because he's a jerk, then pay some attention.
I would really encourage you to take this situation to your Mom and/or your Dad and talk about it.
Your parents may seem really old and not in touch but they were your age once and faced challenges like this.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): at that anonymous who actually says the girl should chose that blackmailing friend. i think if you read the question properly you'll find that she's not dating him, he's a crush. and seriously, why would anyone want to be friends with that "friend"? she's not even a friend. or if she is, she doesnt seem like a nice one. besides that girl could just cry to her mum like she said, or she might find new friends during the time. or she could cry alone. it's better then crying to people who are blackmailing her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): hi, i'm the original asker of this question, but i dont have an account. i just wanted to thank everyone for the answers. to that person who says i'll have noone to cry to: i've got my other friends. and that particular friend who keeps going on about how annoying he is is kinda the only one who hates him the most. the other friends are like, "yeah, he's not nice." it's just her who goes on about it. i dont really go on about him. or if i do its to myself. i like to keep myself to myself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): I think if you're really happy with this guy who seems really nice then you should stay with him despite what your friends say. Considering they're upset simply because of his looks and annoyance and bringing your taste into it, I would say you don't have very good friends. The term "friend" only applies to those who are loyal and looking out for your best interest and actually care for your well-being. These so-called friends seem to be acting quite selfish. ESPECIALLY when they're making you choose a perfectly nice guy over them. A true friend would not be insulting you the way they are saying he's ugly, that you have bad taste, and saying you're annoying them. My advice call their bluff and choose your boyfriend. My roommate has an extremely nice boyfriend, and yea they have their little routines and such that might annoy some people, but I would never ever tell her that they're relationship annoys me because I know he makes her happy and having a happy friend is better than having a friend who is upset and depressed because they can't be with that person. Tell your friends: "If you were truly my friends, you would be happy for me. And the fact that you're making me choose him over you is very selfish. True friends would never do that."Good luck! Hope I've helped at least a little bit. :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 February 2014):
I think your friend is either jealous that he likes you (perhaps she likes him herself), or she is worried that she's losing you as a friend. I would suggest going to your friend and asking her what's wrong specifically,and also explain that you like this boy, but you will still make time for them as well. At the least, she needs to explain what's really wrong.
Most of all, do not be blackmailed. A friend who blackmails you isn't a friend. So if she continues to act this way, then maybe you need to find better friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): ask your friend why its any of her business about your lovelife. and, wut kind of a friend makes you chose between her and your crush? thats not gud friendship. gud friends shouldn't be making life hard for you, they should support you in whatever decision you make. i think you should jog on and make new friends who are actually your friends. gud luck x!
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