A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, i just got out of a relationship about 3 1/2 months ago and just talked to my ex today. it was casual and she told me about her new boyfriend. It didnt really bother me as much as i thought until she said that she was completely over me. i was her very first serious relationship so is it possible to be over someone that quickly? She also insists that we be friends. I think this is a horrible idea because it will just cause a distaction for me (im taking the out of sight out of mind approach). Why does she even want to be friends? is she really over me? Thanks
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female
reader, MammaDex  +, writes (18 November 2009):
Its true that every1 grieves at there own time.. It took me a couple of months to get over my ex but even after i got a new guy (who is thank god soo much better than my ex), i still have'nt got over my ex... sometimes i fear that my current boyfriend will turn to my ex(as in attitude).. however i've learn along the way to get over and remember that what i go tru' with my ex is all history.. im with a new boyfriend and when my ex wanted us to be friends, i accept the it...
y?
Bcoz i've been with him since i was 15 years old and we broke up 6 years later, we typically grew up together, we are understand each other so well, its like u had another sibling.. thus when 1 of us has a problem, the other understand it..
Its so hard to be a stranger after you've know almost every little secret your ex have, and its even harder to simply stop the habit of calling the ex when it has been part of the routine of her life..
My conclusion is:
She has/has not get over you but thats not the key idea.. maybe she just purely wants to be friends with you..
Basically this kind of questions, the answer lies deep within you, you know her well and once in your life you used to understand her, so why not try and understand why she is doing this.. why ask stranger, who doesnt know you are her, y she is doing this? The answer you get from stranger maybe biased cause they are blinded by what they go tru' in their life... so its best you ask her personally or you search deep within you..
=)
A
male
reader, manaja  +, writes (18 November 2009):
I believe this much, your not over her, shes not over you, why tell you she is over you, total rubbish! What I do think though, is dont be friends with her, in my expierence you cant be friends with an ex, unless you have kids..then you have to be for the sake of the children.
Stay as you are, out of sight out of mind approach, I use time distance and silence, its the same thing, pretty soon you,l realise how little you had in common with your ex. Carry on having no contact with her, its the best thing, you cant be friends with an ex, those who profess to be are still very much into them. I hope it works out for yo very soon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): she doesnt sound like shes over you either, shes saying this to make you feel a bit jelouse, i know because i said this to my ex before and deep down i wasnt over him at all.
but she says she has a new boyfriend and the best thing for you to do is to not contact her or stay friends. i believe that you cant stay friends with exes because theres too much history and it will always be there
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A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (18 November 2009):
 You seem to be dealing well with the break up without speaking to her. You are clearly not completely over her yet so I would suggest you do not contact her until you feel as though you are.
I don't think it is possible to be friends with an ex until both parties are over eachother, in my experience. So give yourself a bit more time.
She may well be over you because everyone heals in their own time. But it could be possible she is lying to herself because she's in a new relationship, who knows? Either way, don't think about it, its not important.
Continue doing what you were doing. :)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 November 2009):
She may be over you, but that's only because she found some rebound to distract her. On the other hand, it's questionable as to why she would need to announce that she's over you, that's kind of rude, don't you think?
No, I don't think you should be friends with her. There never is really any reason to stay friends with an ex. Maybe try it if you are completely over her (which sounds like you're not). If you're completely over someone then those emotions won't come back as opposed to someone you still care for. I think you're right on "out of sight out of mind." Tell her you are over her too and that you have plenty of friends and don't need anymore.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (18 November 2009):
Everyone grieves in their own time, some get over things quicker and some don't. You are right though, in expecting your first relationship to usualy take longer to move on from compared to the ones you experience later. Its always the hardest, as after that you learn the skills of dealing with a break up.
How long were you two together for? And why exactly did you break up? How was your relationship?
Quite often people starting dating someone new when they havent fully moved on from their ex yet, so this could be true in your ex's case.
Why does she want to be friends? Well its hard for me to say because I dont know much about your situation. But generally, I find alot of people say "lets be friends" as a polite thing to say- its sort of a way of saying hey i dont have any bad feelings for you, lets be civil and friendly towards each other. Doesnt mean you have to be all buddy buddy and hang out, but if you see each other in the street maybe smile and say hello.
However, some people say 'lets stay friends' in an attempt to keep you hanging and keep you on hold incase they decide the ywant you back later. My ex bf did this to me. He broke up with me and was very keen to stay friends. I couldnt undersand why, cosnidering he broke up with me because apparantly we had "nothing in common", so how on earth could we make a friendship work? Well, turns out 2 months later he decides he wants me back and he addmitted to wanting to stay friends purely on the basis that he was unsure about breaking up and wasnt ready to lose me completely.
If you dont feel you can be friends with her, then you need to tell her this. You have every righ to want space and you dont have to continue a friendship with her. It is very hard and i advise not too. You wont be able to move on if she is still in your life.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, eddy_nicolas +, writes (18 November 2009):
 hi,
i have been through that situation before.from my experience i can advice you to leave her with her new bf.she cheated on you,did she?so,as i can see you still feel something for her.
nothing will be like before.probably if she is interested maybe she is looking for something superficial.but no way of something serious...
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A
female
reader, lah mouw +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Sometimes it seems like you shouldn't be over someone that quickly. But then again, we're all different, so it's not gonna take us all say 6 months to get over someone. So, if she has a new boyfriend and she says she's over you... Well, she probably is. Or maybe she's got the boyfriend to try and get over you.. But don't count on it being the latter.
I think a lot of the reasons why people insist on being friends after being in a relationship... because it seems like the right thing to do. It's obviously more emotionally possible to do if you have less feelings for that person. So that may be the case for your ex. she might just be at that point where she can say "hey why not?"
If you're not ready to be her friend yet because of your feelings, just keep your distance! Just like you said "out of sight out of mind..." sort of... Just try and move on with your life like she's doing.
good luck!
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