A
male
age
36-40,
*oltonbanks
writes:i dated a girl for about a 1 1/2 years, then for the next year it was like we were dating but without the title. She recently has broken up with her bf of 10 months in october. We started talking and hanging out over thanksgiving. She goes to school in mississippi i live in texas. I was her first. before thanksgiving we were talking on the phone, skyping texting talking a lot. She came into town for thanksgiving we hung out, went out. still tell each other i love you. Me mostly but she recently has said it a lot more. i spent the night with her a couple times over the thanksgiving break, we kissed thats it. then she goes back to school, still talk. then she comes back for christmas break we were hanging out constantly from last saturday to last tuesday (she told me she loved me a few times in that span) . I finished my finals on wednesday then we kind of texted a little. Then friday roles around, i talked to her on the phone, small talk, and she asks me what i look good in. i told her then i go out later that night, and see her at the bar. We start talking, then she goes i love you. then all the sudden a guy comes up and starts hovering over her. and she looks at me and says i cant do this right now. she walks away, they go in the corner start whispering back and forth, then she goes to the bathroom. im walking by, then i say thanks for being honest with me and hanging out with this asshole. 20 minutes later she sees me outside we talk more. she wouldnt answer any of my questions. then the guy comes up and does the samething. i apologized to the guy for calling him an asshole just cuz i felt bad. he asks if he should leave and let us finish our convo, she says just stay. then he reaches in his pocket, gives her phone then she leaves with him. the next day she tells me she was on a date with this guy. dinner, went to the bar with him, then left with him. shes single and can do whatever she wants, i just dont get why she would tell me she loves me then walk away with that guy. forgot to mention when i talked to her earlier that day she was like i want to hang out with you but ive been really scatterbrained recently. whatever the hell that means. but we talk saturday and shes like youre pushing me away. The only time i felt like i was bombarding her or pushing her away was when i tried to talk to her saturday and figure out what the hell was going on from friday. her idea of solving problems is by not dealing with them. I texted her saying im sorry for overreacting and bombarding you. told her everything was perfect till friday happened. told her i loved her and really wanted to spend new years with her. her response was im sorry about everything, but we'll work on it. I have christmas gifts for her that im still going to give, one being a picture of us. I just want to know whats going on? what should i do? and what does we'll work on it mean? was that just an open ended answer?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Im in the exact same situation as you at the minute and there is nothing as hurtful or mind wrecking when she tells you she still loves you but you see her with someone else. Last night we met up and we both came to the conclusion that we would give each other space, im going to back of her now and if she wants me she will have to work for me and come get me so I think you should do the same if you havent already worked things out with her yet.
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (20 December 2010):
with the sort of behaviours you are saying about her
flirty,manupilative,seeking attention from guys
she sounds like that she suffers from the hestrionic personality dissorder
i have personally had and emmotional affair with a woman who'd suffered from hpd
and it has been nothing but a rusty train wrick
visit this site to realize what i am saying
www.psychforums.com
and GET RID OF HER let her get her troubled growing up away from you
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, coltonbanks +, writes (20 December 2010):
coltonbanks is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni love her and want to be with her for the rest of my life. Shes only 21 and im 26. So she obviously has some growing up to do, but dont keep me hanging on by a thread. She has a flirty personality. The week we started dating like 5 guys confessed their love for her. She is very manipulative, but she just keeps me hanging on. Everytime im doing well, she always comes back into the picture. I have a really good relationship with her family, they love me and already call me their son in law. She really makes me a better person and i enjoy her company. I dont like the way she is flirty with guys, i think her m.o. is to lead guys on bc she likes the attention. Answers?
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (20 December 2010):
she sounds like another manupilative b@tch
so get rid of her
you sound like a good man and you deserve better
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (20 December 2010):
 I think she's shown you the definition of scatterbrained by flaunting this other guy right under your nose.
Maybe she does feel she loves you, you say you were her first, perhaps she always will love you in some ways. I know it's hard to take but, honestly, the best thing you could do is explain to her that you're really not interested in being one of many guys she's dating and that you have enough self respect to say thanks but no thanks.
As a bare minimum, at least steer clear until she knows exactly what she wants because right now it's clear that she simply doesn't have the first idea. That's all well and good but the upshot is that your going to get more and more hurt.
I'd stop chasing her, let her come to you, if that's what she wants. She knows she has you ready and waiting for her anytime so that kind of devalues the feelings you have for her and the love she claims to have for you.
It's obvious that you really like her a lot but, do your self a favour and like yourself better.
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