A
male
age
41-50,
*odyNPaige
writes:Hey all any advice on this would be great! (Sorry for it being so long)My fiance and have been engaged for almost 2 years now. We had planned to get married 7-7-07, she liked the idea of the 3 7s .Everything between us I thought was going great. I was very happy and I thought she was too. (She never made any signs of not being happy) I would do anything in my power for her, she had came to me one day 3 months ago and asked me what I thought about moveing closer to her dads place, (which is 3 hours from were we had been the whole time we been together) I said sure if thats what you want.My cousin had called me up a few days ago and asked me if he could come and pick me up to help him move. (Which is back down close to the town were we moved from) I had talked to her about it and she said it was ok.I have been down here for 2 days now. We had talked on the phone both days and everything seem fine. Today I had told her I was comming back tomorrow and sould be there by noon. Then tonight she had emailed me this...Hey Babe,This is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind for a few weeks now and something that I have seriously done all I can to avoid...The more I think about this, the more it really seems true.First off- I don't see how we are helping either one of us with anything but good company.What I mean by that is..I wouldn't be able to help you with your fine, getting a truck, ANYTHING really. I am not cut out for that sort of income. and you, right now at this moment your in such a situation that doesn't involve us as a couple..but in general- that you can't even help yourself. Point of that is, maybe we would be better off sacrificing what is holding both of us back...and you know damn well ,....being up here IS holding you back from a lot!!!Secondly- There seems to be things that have changed between us...I don't know exactly what I can't pinpoint it- but SOMETHING has definetly changed and we barely even talk anymore. When I have brought up something to do with our situation....I feel a defense go up. And then I drop the topic cause I don't want to fight. I hate fighting with you and no, we don't fight often - Hardly ever actually. I do love you Very Much and I know your always going to think how much you loved me more...I can't think about that right now when I am trying to make a decision that affects us both for the better in the end ....though right now it's not clear that it's the right one.I do need you to know that I love you, I always have. Nothing will change that- but the plans we have for the future seem nearly impossible for us being in such a rutt. This is not something I am putting on you, This is about my own ****ed up life too. Something I feel I need to straighten out. And we can't go getting married or try starting a life together in this particular situation.I hope you understand what I am saying and where it's all coming from. This is soo not easy for me and I have never let anyone go that I love as much as I do you. But I never made the right decisions before, and for us both...I think this is the right one.I am not sugguesting you wait around for me ..but maybe a little while down the road after we get ourselves back together again.....we would pick ourselves back up. I don't know....I don't want to NOT talk to you...but I know right now there are a lot of mixed emotions running through you...Things like where did all this come from...where did we go wrong....is there someone else...NO there isn't...this is the farthest thing from anyone else being involved...i DO LOVE YOU...but I can't be my full self with things on my mind if I am believing that what's on my mind is the right thing to do though I HATE IT....Ever done something you didn't really want to do ...but it was the right thing? I am so sorry, you have no idea.I am telling you this now, cause there is no opportune time to say this. No good time would ever come up to bring this up. I say this now, cause this isn't the hardest part. Letting you go is.I know you will do better off without me. No matter how much we love each other. You will get yourself back together and your business and name back up I am sure of it. You have all the talent it takes to make it in contracting. Your dreams are important to you too, I always seen that. Not having me to worry about may make it easier for you to focus on that.....same goes with me. I am trying so hard to be everything - to make everyone happy. But I will only stretch so thin, and I don't think I can be it all---I have known for a long time I need to get my shit together and focus on a career....get a job....GET MY SHIT STRAIGHT!!! And I fell in love with you so hard and fast ..I lost all focus on anything. Well me being out of focus is actually affecting us now. If I had my shit together and a job or something...we wouldn't be in this boat.I don't want you to hate me....and if you do ...I don't want you to tell me that you do. I hope you just understand.I love you with all my heart and soul.Forever and Always Yours,Babe
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 wow that is some email. God you must be in shock as i feel this just came out of the blue. I am finding it hard to understand exactly what she wants. From what i can see she is very unhappy but you are not to blame for this. I think that she feels guilty for taking you away from where you lived. Even though I reckon this wasnt a problem for you. She feels she is trying to make everyone happy and cant do that any more. She wants some structure in her life with regards to her career/job. I think her head is all over the place at the moment. Maybe she wrote this email in a moment she was feeling a bit down on herself. The thing that confuses me is that she says if she had a job or something you wouldnt be in this boat. This suggets that she still really loves you but is more fed up with the situation she is in than you. I would give her some thinking time and then try and sit down and talk this through with her and get this sorted. I do think that things will sort themselves out she just seems a bit messed up at the moment and maybe the wedding/the move etc has brought it all out and she just cant cope. I really hope that things work out for you both.
A
female
reader, aunty t +, writes (9 March 2007):
wow that is some email. God you must be in shock as i feel this just came out of the blue. I am finding it hard to understand exactly what she wants. From what i can see she is very unhappy but you are not to blame for this. I think that she feels guilty for taking you away from where you lived. Even though I reckon this wasnt a problem for you. She feels she is trying to make everyone happy and cant do that any more. She wants some structure in her life with regards to her career/job. I think her head is all over the place at the moment. Maybe she wrote this email in a moment she was feeling a bit down on herself. The thing that confuses me is that she says if she had a job or something you wouldnt be in this boat. This suggets that she still really loves you but is more fed up with the situation she is in than you. I would give her some thinking time and then try and sit down and talk this through with her and get this sorted. I do think that things will sort themselves out she just seems a bit messed up at the moment and maybe the wedding/the move etc has brought it all out and she just cant cope. I really hope that things work out for you both.
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