| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: What are the reasons ,when a highly sexual husband suddenly stops wanting sex, and when he tries it he is losing his erections? I mean one day to the next... With no signs for any change. Just suddenly ,like bang. And its over. He went limp at the middle of intercourse, and it never came back normal... And than it stays like that for 2 years now, and he says he loves me.. What could this weird thing can be? It is driving me insane. I don't know what to think. I know one thing. He does not have any illness, as he was checked out .Please help,it is very difficult..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): He might be homosexual, it comes out in that age sometimes!
Or is he working too much?
Any extreme stress?
Are you in good shape?
What happened on that they when he went limp?
You need to ask this questions.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 Sounds more mental than physical to me as well. No doubt some physical issues play a part but the whole hot and cold thing sounds mental to me.
I think that there needs to be some good heart to heart between you guys. He may not even understand what is happening right now. Men are emotional creatures like women but we tend to lack the emotional intelligence to reason things out. I myself have struggled with understanding what my feelings really mean more than I care to admit.
Try making intellectual and emotional connections for a while rather than sexual and physical ones. He might reveal what is clogging up his works right now.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (7 December 2009):
Reading all the excellent answers, I would say that there are many possible reasons: medical, someone else on his mind, stress, etc. .. Also, perhaps it is some kind of mid-life crisis! (Is there such a thing as male menopause?)
But I ALSO agree with rhythmandblues2 that you shouldn't accuse either him
or yourself!
But SEX does not have to be about the male organ. I would say that you should
get some massage oil or something and give him a gentle massage and
kissing and just other kinds of physical intimacy. And also, think about when you first met, and the sweetness of just the touch of his hand.
Be sexual yourself and little by little, he may come back to life---
best of luck,
the most important thing is to be loving.
make his favorite dinner, but maybe include some peanut butter or oysters!
Love,
Manya
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 December 2009):
 A lot of things can cause erectile dysfunction, especially in his likely age bracket. Certainly stress, worry, job problems, anger, heavy smoking or drinking and some medications. Even simply getting older might affect some men. You might consider asking him to try Viagra or Cialis (sildenafil citrate) at least once, but he still must have the desire.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): If it is testosterone, it does not come suddenly , and does not stop you have an erection, you just don't want sex!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): rhythmandblues!
Yes,I totally agree with you! It could be some anger issue, but he doe not talk about his feelings very well,if it is, it is deep down. And see, what you were saying about , the man who can't get it up, it could be some deep thing. So true, that is why it is so hard to deal with it. Some deep things never seem to be verbalized.That's why they become pathological! I just don't know what to do!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I disagree that this means without question that it is another woman.
Sometimes it is stress or sometimes it can be due to relationship problems, like he is very angry at you for something. Men have a difficult time getting erections if they are mad at you and don't like you....at least that is what I have been told...
So sometime before you go to bed at night and not during a failed attempt to have sex, see if you can't get your husband to open up about what is on his mind.
But what ever you do, do not internalize this as your fault or start accusing him of cheating, that will just make things worse. Do some damage control and try to reconnect with your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Suddenly? Hm? Must be a secret ,he does not tell you! You must look into this deeper!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): probably low testosterone, he shoudl go to the doctors
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 From experience I would say its another woman, but that doesnt always have to be the case so, because men are big sooks and wont go to the doctor, you will just have to make an appointment for him, and take him.
Good luck with it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I agree, he has something else on his mind ! Not you! I think it is obvious, if he is not medically impotent,than it is definitely a mind over body thin! Make sure you don't get hurt! Tell him to see a shrink! Dont be a victim! Take care!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): another woman???? getting it elsewhere? if there is NO medical issues start investigating his close associations - friends and work colleagues.my BIL also just lost it. tool my sister a very long time to identify the culprite, and yes it was another woman. BIL had no medical issues, just couldn't get it up, in fact never tried to. had lost of excuses but in the end someone else was getting it. after his affair ended he miraculously could raise to the occasion. don't be naive- please investigate the hubby .
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 December 2009):
There could be something on his mind that he's not telling you about. When men worry, erections are the first thing to suffer. Please try not to judge him, and try not to blame him or yourself, as that will make it worse. Instead, take the pressure off and just focus on your lives, start your love life again and work back up to sex. There sounds like there might be something worrying him.
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