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Why would my girlfriend add my ex on Facebook?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 August 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 August 2010)
A male United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

hi just a quick question,

i have just accidently checked my GF's facebook (i thought i had left myself logged in then relised after that it wasnt mine) but she has added my ex who i have a child to and.. the other night she said that my ex had sent a friend request but this is actualy the other way around (my current partener sent the request) im wondering, if i shouuld mention this and how to go about it if i should, because i have made decisions that i will elaborate on more if nececcery but my partener says she will suport me and that she wouldnt contact her or push me to do anything that is to soon to do so.

this is making me think also why did she do that

any advice would be appreciated

thanx in advance

View related questions: facebook, my ex

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A male reader, TalonZurfluh Canada +, writes (23 August 2010):

maybe its nothing at all, and she just wants to have lots of friends on facebook. my gf has 600 plus friends. she adds EVERYONE. maybe its not a big deal

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A female reader, rachaelx United Kingdom +, writes (23 August 2010):

rachaelx agony auntAdding your partners ex is just out of curiosity, the opposite happened to me. My boyfriend who im pregnant with his ex added me on facebook which left me confused to which i then thought she just wants to nosey at whats goin on with me and the lad she was once with. Your girlfriend wouldnt be messaging her its just a curious thing. Maybe it would be good for your partner and your ex to get on though seeing as you have a child together?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i said i would elaborate so here goes lol.. when my ex left me i tried to maintain contact with her for my sons sake but his mother made it so hard so i have decided to leave it to that till he can decide for himself.

to make matters worse my current partener got preg verry early on in the relationship and we too have a child

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A female reader, Inallhonesty... United States +, writes (23 August 2010):

Inallhonesty... agony auntYes, you should confront your current girlfriend. Calmly ask her why she would do something she said she wouldn't do, something she has no business doing, and then lie about who requested who? Unless she was genuinely trying to become friends with your ex, she should respect your wishes of not contacting her.

It sounds sneaky to me. Either she's trying to keep tabs on your ex or you and your interaction with your ex which she obviously can't prevent because the two of you have a child together. Your current gf will just have to deal with that and maintain a distance. If she can't handle that, then she's insecure about the relationship in some way and that will be between the two of you to sort out.

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A female reader, Lotsalove. United States +, writes (23 August 2010):

Lotsalove. agony auntIt's definetely the 'curious/stalking' effect that ex's have on us. When you've got a new partner, you learn about their exes, whether they were good or bad. Sometimes you feel you have to live up to them, other times you feel that you are heaven sent compared to them. The fact you've got a child with your ex, probably means that you're in contact with her regurlarly? Eventhough this is understandable because of your child, your girlfriend may have a problem with it, so adding her on FB let's her get an 'inside look' into what she's like, what she's doing etc. I've done it when i've wanted to be nosey to what my boyfriend's gf looks like, does etc. Whilst you shouldn't cut off contact with your ex, you should speak to your girlfriend about how she feels about you two still communicating. If you have no feelings for your ex anymore, make this clear to your girlfriend, reassure her that you are in contact with your ex for your child's sake ONLY.

In regards to bringing up the friend request, if your ex has accepted then it will show up on your girlfriends homepage, So you could always say 'I saw you added my ex on facebook'.. Just to get the conversation rolling. If your ex hasn't accepted yet/ignored, then still bring up the conversation with your girlfriend about how she feels about you and your ex still talking.

Having said all of the above.. If you don't see your child and therefore you dont see your ex anymore. Then your girlfriend is just definetely being nosey.

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