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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months, which I think isn't very long. We live in the same street but yet he never has time for me. Sometimes I think he's gay because he never leaves his guy friends. When I complain about it all he does is apologize but then keeps on dissing me for his friends....what should I do???? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, namless_lover +, writes (25 July 2005):
I am a guy that has done like him before, and I just got dumped for it... so one piece of advice, if you still have alone time with him, so be it, he'll come around, I promise. I would trade anything for my girlfriend back, if he truly cares for you he only needs time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2005): Well,,nagging him about his friends will only makes things worse for you and him. Stop doing that-he's not comfortable with you when you do that,,,thus is why he keeps dissing you for his buddies. Try to keep in mind, your relationship is very new and he's feeling a little uneasy yet and nervous about being with you. He probably enjoys being alone with you, but doesn't always know how to act alone with you. His friends are likely lifelong buddies and it well-known..guys are just usually more comfortable with other guys. He knows these guys very well and has fun with them. So give him a chance to get comfortable with you by being patient and understanding his "guy-bonding" time with his friends. Try ttaking the lead and invite him out with specific plans mapped out, so there's less pressure on him to plan everything himself and feel like he needs to know exactly what you want to do.
As his friends are important to him, another thing to do next time you broach this subject is to be specific and compromise with him. Be specific (and nice) about the types of things you would like to do without him (go to a particular concert, amusement park, whatever), and about how much time you would like to spend together. For example, you could suggest that this weekend, perhaps he could spend Friday night with his friends, and Saturday night just the two of you could hang out. This would also give you some time to spend with your own friends.
I wish you luck and remember ...friendships are so important to young people. Don't spend ALL your time thinking about this new b/f...get out and some fun with your own girlfriends too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2005): My boyfriend only see's me at weekends usually and i used to have the same problem. Because hes away from home so much due to his job, he likes to see his mates.
His mates have always been there and your new to him, he needs to adjust to spending time with you and spending time with his mates.
Dont get too clingy otherwise you will end up losing him.
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A
female
reader, MyBeautifulRuin +, writes (22 July 2005):
to be honest, 3 onths isnt very long. and if he's acting like that already i dont think he's owrth you worrying bout. i dont think he's gay, but if he hasnt had many serious relationships then he feels more secure round the guys. maybe you could try hangin round with his mates with him. he'll then see that he can loosen up round you. if you hang round with his mates with him, he'll gradually get used to you being round more and mroe and will hopefully call for you more too. i hope i helped. good luck with eveything. xx
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