A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why would I fear rejection when entering in to an argument with someone? Often this is the same reason i try to keep my mouth shut or avoid conflicts with people i am close to or get along well. The issue that are sensitive include, loss of respect in eyes of partner for making her feel wrong, overpowering the other person just based on the strength of the ego / status quo, loss of shared intimate space for the fear of hurting the other and ultimately lossing the person forever. Are these fears genuine? can arguments/conflicts lead to separation if not handled properly? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Yes, the fears are genuine and self-love and a belief in oneself is crucial Have you been deeply criticized or disrespected by someone you loved, in your past? That may explain your fear.
I think you have the right to speak your mind but do it maturely and nicely. No need for arguing. You should listen to others, respect their thoughts and then let it go. Chances are you will gain a loved one's respect if anything for being strong, fair and good. You want respect and approval- we all do-that's human- but you might be too focused on what others think of you. If someone treats you like crap, stand up for yourself-set boundaries on what you will tolerate. But be considerate, respectful, mature, nice, caring but don't allow a person's s disapproval of what you said and did, become the end all. Learn to relax and try not second guessing yourself, having self-doubts and try spending a lot less time worrying about what others are thinking of you and just enjoy your life more. I always say the one reason so many people suffer with insecurities in life and relationships, is a direct result of allowing their fears grip them and staying loyal to past 'baggage' (re: family dysfunction, pain, hurt, bad exes, crappy relationships etc). All this bad 'stuff' no longer serves them. We've all been there and so many of us, permit that BS to control our thoughts and mold our future happiness. What is the most painful part of all this, is some of us hang on to this 'stuff; and we have an a stubborn, unwillingness to grow beyond that. Because, when one is not satisfied, fearful, frustrated, insecure, it's very hard to see things differently and make new choices and take new actions. So...you do have a choice between "fear and freedom". But it takes a total change of perspective and attitude, that allows us the freedom to move forward, in a happy, secure way. From that...a healthy self-esteem is forged. Don't be hard on yourself. If you have an opinion..you have the right to say it and believe in it. Good luck and be strong.
A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 This is an issue, but not the issue.
It may have impact on your behavior.
Most such people learn to adjust their priorities over time.
You know how to handle it: you say that you avoid conflicts.
"Are these fears genuine?" - No, in most cases they are not.
Seek professional help if you feel you need to resolve this.
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A
male
reader, NuVu  +, writes (12 June 2007):
Yes, i conflicts can lead to seperation if not handled properly, but so can not expressing yourself.
I think any fear is genuine, but why does it exist? There could be several reasons. However, i would guess its simply having a lack of security in the relationship. What is making you feel insecure? Or did you get hurt or hurt someone else, by expressing yourself in the past?
Express yourself, but take the time to let the some of the emotion subside before confronting someone.
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