A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my man for 5 years. we have had our ups and downs like everyone else. he is 10 years older than me. i found out a few years ago that he was using chat rooms. i didnt mind him having conversations with other people at first, but then he was staying up late and being late for work ect. then i found he was actually giving out his phone number to other women "just so he could text chat them". i went onto the chat room to see what it was all about and i had fun just chatting to all sorts of people. i tired of it very quickly but he continued. His phone would beep all day and it started to get on my nerves. he was hiding his phone and would get cross if i asked who it was texting. I told him that with over 100 women on his phone it was taking the pee. there have been a lot of women that think they stood some proper chance of being with my man. i dont doubt that he didnt help them think that.last count he has 7sim cards for his phone. anyway, this brings me to now, i have been concerned about some ladies who continuously text and have sent rude pictures ect. a lady phoned on new years eve to tell me she had slept with him in the oct. he denied it of course.there was 1day in oct where he stayed at his friends house as they went out for a beer. His mood has changed big time so i thought i would do a little digging, as he is snapping at me for no reason all of the time. i logged onto his chat site in his name, and one of his male friends said that he should have been upfront with 1 particular lady. i told the guy that i (being my fella) was only interested in a friendly text now and again, and a reply came back about him lying to the lady saying he wanted to take her out for dinner etc. today the guy emailed him to say that he told him that he felt sorry for the girlfreind (being me) as my man is a liar and a player and was going to leave to be with some chat room lady.i also checked his phone bill and there are pages and pages of text messages to these chat ladies. i get told off for phoning him at work, or texting to see he having a good day, as it interupts his work. often i get no reply at all. (he has a job where he out and about and has his phones on constantly). on the home front, my man is snappy all of the time but says its because things in the house dont get put back in the right places.he has lots of reasons actually, i am a control freek, i too nosey, i cause rows, i stop him from doing what he wants, i stop him from his hobbies, i stop him from seeing his friends all of which is just so untrue. he shows no affection what so ever, no cuddles, no kiss, nothing sexual, no conversation other than what i have done wrong in that day. i asked him last night if he misses being affectionate and he told me nope.if i ask him if he is alright he starts by saying i am starting a row when i am so not. i just dont know what has happened to him. his sarcasm is horrendous and he will now do it in front of visitors. this never used to be him. my heart is breaking and i just dont know what to believe. strangers saying the same thing who dont know each other, and him saying its just words on a screen and he doesnt take it seriously and its all untrue..he is a very clever man, who could convince you the sky is pink. he has convinced his own set of friends that i am crazy and paranoid so they dont talk to me any more. he hasnt said to them whats been going on. i love this man so very much and have given everything i possibly can but at the same time i cannot stay with someone who is a cheat, no matter how much it will hurt me. my question is after all of this, is please after reading this tell me what you think about this situation. do you think he is or has cheated? am i believing his lies? i am feeling so low and am desperate for advice. is he trying to get me to end the relationship? i dont understand how he can be so cruel. everyday is killing me off slowly but surely.
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female
reader, Skeez +, writes (15 June 2007):
 I feel very upset for you. I can see from what you have written that he is possibly cheating on you. I am going to agree with everyone else here. Leave him. Forget him and move on. He doesnt deserve you at all.
Hes spiteful, disrespectful to you and your love. Do not waste anymore time on this pathetic man and walk away.
I think hes taking you for granted, becuase you love him so much he feels he can get away with texting other woman messages that are just down right typical and think you will take him back everytime. Show him your strong and that your life is much more worth living without this cruel dispicable man. He doesnt make you happy, and staying in this relationship is only going to affect you now and later on in life with other partners. Get out of there now. If he lives with you, chuck him out or leave yourself. Find someone else who will love you and love only you
Good luck hunny and Take care x x x x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Yes, please, please, please listen to all the other individuals who have posted here. I have a father who has constantly cheated on a yearly basis on my mother for the last 30 years, but my mother stayed with him because she unconditionally loved him so she thought he could "change" for their children and also for reason that she was a housewife with only a high-school education (no uni or college degree) and thus needed his financial aid. They finally separated last year and thankfully so - my mother has never been a happier woman in her life. This man-child isn't worth your time - he won't change despite what he says, he'll do it again and again until you're heart is broken into tiny bits. I know these type of men very well and have been living with them long enough to spot one a mile away. He may be a good individual with his friends, but a horrible person with his significant others. The only reason why he stays with you is because he knows you're the one person in his life who will be least likely to walk away and thus is emotionally ABUSING and using you. How do I know? My mother was once exactly in your shoes. Please, do what's best even though you'll probably go through a terribly harsh and rough breakup. It will be better for your mental and emotional health in the end. This is the advice I wish my mother followed before she married my father and her life became a living hell. She was exactly in your spot with all these people, like the readers here, who were against their relationship in the first place. Of course, she didn't listen to them because she "loved" him. Again, please, don't let the same thing happen to you.Like what the others had said, you deserve respect and not to be treated like a caged animal. And even if he comes crawling back, crying, begging, etc., he DOES NOT DESERVE YOU - not in this lifetime, not ever, PERIOD. If he was at least honourable and had a speck of integrity, he would have openly ended the relationship before anyone got hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): I completely agree with anonymous. Leave him, and leave him now. You say he is a very clever man, he obviously knows what he's doing is hurting you and knocking your confidence to the level where he can cheat as openly as he likes in the end, and you won't leave him because you'll be brainwashed into believing that you won't find anyone else and he's the only one for you. By badmouthing you to your visitors and to friends, he is slowly cutting you off from anyone else who would tell you he is manipulating you until he has you all to himself and you think he's the only person you can rely on.
He's not. You can find someone so much better for you. Leave him to his internet floozies, and wait for the day he'll come crawling back (and he probably will) and you can tell him exactly where to stick it. Men like this are not worth spitting on.
That may have been hard to hear because you love him, but you still seem to have enough awareness to know this is wrong. Do something about it. Good luck chick x.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): You're describing all the actions of a cheating man. ALL. The only thing you've left out is actually walking in on him screwing another woman. Spare yourself -- get out of that relationship before you DO walk in on him.
I bet the lady who called to say she slept with him in Oct is totally telling the truth. What if you had slept with a man who you found out was married or in a long-term relationship? You would want to come clean and tell the other woman, right?
You man is such a coward and a victim of habit, he'd rather stay in a situation where he's comfortable enough and can have his cake and eat it too. You're not getting anything out of the situation except heartache. Stand up for yourself, get a backbone and teach him a lesson. Allowing yourself to be "confused" and "not sure what to believe" is making you weak. Trust your gut. Get mad! He can't do that to women... he can't do that to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): At some point, you decided this relationship was worthwhile at all cost. This was a mistake that we've all made. You *must* leave him. You *must* be alone with yourself and decide what makes you happy and honor that (days/weeks/years). When you can honor that, above all else, then date again -- even this current abuser. You will be amazed how well men will treat you when you treat yourself exceptionally well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): He is cheating on you big time with more than one woman by the sound of it. My ex was exactly the same, couldn't understand why he constantly changed his cell number. yes he was texting other women and sleeping with them too. Our sex life took a nosedive, there were loads of excuses why we couldn't be together every weekend.Oh I'm out with friends, family etc, I'm poorly.I'd try to text and phone him on his nights out but his phone would always be switched off. We'd be out and about his phone would beep from text messages and he would turn it off or he would skulk off to the gents to phone/text in there!!! Eventually I got a peek and found that he was texting intimate messages to about 3 different women. On confronting him he accused me of being paranoid, jealous as these girls were just friends... yeah right. One night he accidently text me a message meant for one of his girls, wish I could wake up in your arms...'girls name' but I've got a really early start tomorrow. This he did on the way to meeting me for a night out.. rumbled or what.But like you because I loved him and he was always so sweet with me I believed him, until one of his girls wised up and started texting me,she must have got my number off his phone. I phoned her, we talked,argued and I found out what a complete scumbag he was. After wasting so much time and effort trying to have a relationship with this guy I finally kicked him to the kerb. Your guy has no respect for you and will grind your self esteem into the ground, see sense and leave him now.
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A
male
reader, NuVu  +, writes (12 June 2007):
I know you've invested quite a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but you have to end it. Most men until they reach an age of maturity (around 90 years old) do most of their thinking with the little head rather than the big one. There is no reason for him to be chatting with all these girls unless he's looking for something more.
He's not giving you the respect you deserve and your not getting your needs met.... This has been going on way to long, its painful but you need to end it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): I think the best thing you can do is leave. I know it will be hard, but it would probably be for the best. I think he is probably cheating but even if he wasn't you don't trust him which is detrimental to any healthy relationship, except that yours doesn't sound healthy because you seem to be on a constant knife edge where everything you do is wrong by accounts. He doesnt seem to believe you make him happy but you should be thinking about what makes you happy and he doesnt seem to be it. It sounds as if there is nothing to keep you together so it seems to be the best if you left him and got on with making your life happier without him in it. I hope this helps.
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