A
female
age
41-50,
*iffania
writes:Me and my boyfriend have a great sex life. It is always fun and full filling, one thing tho... Sometimes after we have sex and i leave or go to sleep he goes on the pc sometimes within the hour and watches porn. I have expressed how this makes me feel and he continues. Am I seriously not enough for him? Is there something wrong with me? Or is it that he truly desires someone else? Please help, this is controlling my life not knowing why a man would do this after just having sex and expressing how great it was and knowing how it hurts me...
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female
reader, tiffania +, writes (27 September 2009):
tiffania is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to admit I was a little weary of asking advice for the concern of possibly hearing the worst, but all in all the answers all of you have given are very enlighting and sincere and for that I really appreciate the time and thought that was put forth. All of your advice truly gave me a diiferent perspective on the situation and I will take that and try to put my mind to ease. Not saying I won't ever feel hurt when this occurs again but will have a little more consideration to why and possibly not blame myself... I have another situation in my relationship that I need advice on, (this was just one piece of the situation) that I will be asking soon and I would love for you to take the time to give your thoughts on it. Thank you all so much for giving me some sort of closure on this matter.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): Sounds like he is developing a porn addiction and having sex with you triggers his need for a dose of porn.
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A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (27 September 2009):
 As others have said, your boyfriend isn't doing this because you are not enough or because sex with you is inadequate. Its probably because he wants additional/longer sexual stimulation or that he just wants some variety. Either way, it really doesn't have to do with you. But, he should absolutely care about your feelings, not enough to do everything you say, but enough to try to work on a solution with you. Find out why he does this, without understanding why, you can't work out a solution. Without being angry or making him feel guilty, try to work out a solution with him as to what would make you feel honored after sex and what would satisfy what ever desire is driving him to watch porn after you two have sex.If your boyfriend doesn't want to communicate or compromise with you, please consider why you are still with him, let alone having any sort of physical interactions with someone who doesn't take your feelings into consideration.I hope this helps provide some insight and hopefully you can reach a happy compromise together.-Angellica
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (27 September 2009):
 No, the way you feel is very normal. You need to communicate more with him and try to understand what exactly it is he is drawn to. It could be he has certain fantasies or fetishes that you two could explore together. Often times though its the man getting off on fantasies that he can not normally obtain in real life. Teens, big cock, asians etc. Unfortunately, it is normal for guys who have much higher sex drives to release this way(why porn is a multi billion dollar industry.) It is more than safe to say that he is satisfied with you, its just a more innocent way he can get off in his mind using fantasy and fulfill a sex drive that is higher than yours. If he does not do this often, then it could be a healthy release that you shouldn' worry too much about. If he is doing it a lot then I'd worry because it can be a very bad thing. I've tried to provide insight. If it keeps bothering you, then he should stop it. Maybe compromise and ask him to limit it, especially at certain times (like after sex.) Or, if it really bothers you, then have him stop. He should not put the porn above you. But, perhaps a compromise will keep both people happy. If he fails to live up to his end of the bargain, then cut off the real sex and I'm pretty sure the fantasy sex will stop.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): Its a bit hard for me to understand that as well. I enjoy porn just like the next guy, but if I just had great sex I really wouldnt care about watching any computer screen. Its not fair thats he keeps doing this and you have told him that it hurts you. Is there a certain porn he watches or porn star? If he wanted to be with someone else, I think he would watch it before you have sex and then fantasize about someone else. Maybe he is just trying to watch porn and see different positions or maybe he has a certain fetish and doesnt want to ask you to do it just yet. I would try to ask him more about it and have him really open up. If you two have sex and he goes to watch it again, just pull him back in bed and have sex again, dont let him watch it. If he continues to do it and it continues to hurt you, dont have sex with him anymore and see if he can handle that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): Sometimes we're ready for 'round two' and your aren't. And sometimes, a little while after sex, we're ready for a really selfish 'round two.' That is, we want to get off again, and we don't want to go to the trouble of making it worth while for you, too. So rather than asking for you to get us off without even trying to get you off, we'll just take care of business. That way there's no worrying about if "it was good for you, too."
Now if it bothers you that he's doing this, and if you really don't mind getting him off with no payoff for you, then by all means tell him. I'm sure he'd rather it be your hand than his, as long as it's guilt-free.
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