A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found heaps of Asian porn on my husbands computer. Now I am worried he prefers them to me and I am getting very upset about it. Everytime we go out I am worried he is perving at them and preferring them to me. We fight about it all the time. I am blonde and attractive and I am getting myself so upset about it. Why would he have all this on his pc, I dont understand.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): "3 years ago", "5 years ago"...retroactive jealousy, anyone?Wait, this one's a bit different... lo, "retroactive cyber-induced jealosy" is born!hmmm, but don't some folks (including a LOT of women), hold on bitterly to grudges / misconducts of the past (they can usually recollect these kinds of things well into the future and bring them up conveniently during an argument... which means they neither forgot nor forgave the things of the past... double standards, anyone?)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011)You criticize your boyfriend for using porn 5 years ago yet you're going around contacting your ex boyfriends behind his back right now, you are leaving him but you don't even have the decency to tell him. You actually hate him yet you stay with him. Just leave already, no guy wants to be with a women with such deep-seated hatred, why are yo even still with him if you hate him so much. Just go, before you cheat, before you become a million times worse than his porn usage was. Or are you one of those people that thinks, "he left the milk out of the fridge, now it's too warm to drink. I better cut up all his clothes and sleep with his brother as revenge for that" people.Please just leave him, he only thinks you're his life because you've kept this a secret from him, lied to him and he doesn't know you're starting to cheat on him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): to anonymous- I also cant ever over what he watched 3 years ago. I always feel like Im not good enough etc. I hate what he watched and exactly everything you just stated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): We shouldn't have to put up with anything we don't like! I HATE my bf watching porn and nothing anyone will ever say will get me to accept or like it. If he was watching X girls of various nationalities porn, I'd tell him to **** off and marry a X girl (who looks like that)! How hurtful is that and you will continually worry that your bf desires that and not you. Imagine if your partner had a teeny weeny penis and you started looking up bigdicks.com!! Do you think he would be accepting that it was just fantasy or do you think he'd be desperately hurt?? Is he still very attentive to you?? My bf watched porn (we've been together 5 years) and I'm still hurt by what he watched 5 years ago. It pops up in my mind and i feel very annoyed, so I know it's still an issue. It makes me HATE him and despite us having a wonderful relationship on many levels, I'm seriously considering at the moment ending everything because I can't get his porn use out of my head. It repulses me to think he clanged one off over some bimbo!! Interestingly enough, I value intelligence over looks (my bf has both), so to know he wanked over someone who can't string a sentence together realllly **** me off. It makes me not want sex with him for sure and I know he is desperate at the moment. I want to free my mind of this *** so I feel the only option will be to split up. I know he will be devastated as he says I am his life and he has no idea currently of how I am feeling. I am now contacting old bf's on facebook and one rang me yesterday. Normally I wouldn't take the call but I took it and it felt like in some way I was gaining back control. I also cannot figure out women who love porn and send their otherhalf links to check!! Go figure. I don't call this liberation and I feel reaalllllly sorry for any woman having to do that in their relationship. I know a chap who was in a long term relationship with a girl and they have a son together. He was an avid porn watcher (still is), but the difference now is she left him and took his son away and he is devastated. But, she'd put up with enough of his shit and porn watching and she's getting on with her life, whilst he is bitter and resentful that he only sees his son every two weeks. Tough eeh!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Never undermine your feelings because if something hurts its for a reason. If you don't like him using Asian or any porn ask him to stop. You really don't have to tolerate this and if its no 'big deal' for him he can stop simple as that. If he didn't like you swearing or using a huge vibrator and wanted you to stop I am sure you could accommodate his feelings. I am sure if he was upset about finding huge black penises on your history he would feel the same and want you to stop. Boundaries are needed here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Porn addiction is a serious problem, period, no matter the "niche". I can't believe the amount of you that justify it and call it harmless. Things hurt for a reason, and if it were truly "harmless fantasy" as you guys like to say, it would not hurt. I doubt that OP would feel any better if her husband were looking at porn of other hot blondes just like her (would you?) instead of Asian girls. He should confront his issues and get help with the porn addiction.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): thanks most of your answers are helpful, to crabman I did not ask to be made to feel worse. It is something that upsets me a lot. I am so sick of being told "its only porn, get ovet it" I asked for helpful advice on the matter and dont appreciate your comments.Thank you to everyone else though, I see a few different views now..like the phoenic...so thanks.I did speak to my husband who said he was just curious, I just need to sort it out in my own head.
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (27 April 2011):
If you were Asian, he might be looking at pictures of white women. It is harmless, meaningless, goes with being male and is simply our version of one of your favourite pastime, window shopping.
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 It means. He thinks Asian women are really hot.
I used to have a boyfriend who looked at Asian girl porn, because well. He looooved asian girls. He thought they were sexy as hell.
He also thought I, was sexy as hell. So don't worry about it.
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male
reader, Crabman  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 its just porn !!
if hes with you then he loves YOU
get over it !
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): She doesn't care female anon, she likes porn too. Her niche is 'interracial'. I don't for one second think she prefers black guys to me. It's a fantasy for her and one she'd never act out in real life so she feels safe to explore that fantasy online. She'll actually send me links to videos and stuff if she sees something she thinks I'll like and I do the same for her. It's just what works for us best porn-wise. That's the beauty of fantasy, we can do what we want in it and even do things we wouldn't even want to do in real life just to imagine what it would be like. I think how it works so well for us is that we're very open to sharing our fantasies without letting it make us feel insecure and we do our best to act those out too fulfill them.
The way we see it is the same as we do anything else. I mean she loves Leo Di Caprio has all his movies does it mean he's competition for me? No, even if he was to turn up at her doorstep tomorrow and offered her the world she wouldn't do it. She likes the fantasy and that's it.
Female anon, no woman is too old to put on a mini skirt and wear pigtails and role play in the bedroom. It's not hard to role play being a cheerleader for example and you don't have to be 18 or even look like an 18 year old nor have their figure to pull it. That's the beauty of fantasy it's in our minds we can create almost anything there and play it out.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2011):
 just his fantasy choice.
I deal with the exact same thing
I'm 51 with reddish hair, dark brown eyes and about a size 8/10 which my bf pronouces as FAT (he has a skewed image of what is fat and what it not)
he likes to date older women but for hot fantasy he prefers
very young
asian
light eyes
large breasts
see how this becomes a fantasy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): To cerberus, does your gf not mind that you prefer that kind of porn? How does she feel about it, if you don't mind me asking.
Not meaning to hijack this thread, I am in the same boat as the OP and my partner has a 'fetish' I guess for the 'teen catogory as well. But I am 35 so far from looking like a teen with a short shirt and pig tails!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): "most of us guys have a category that we prefer over the others"
That's right! I like the mature category, women between 40 and 50. Love em to bits! I guess I'll just have to wait untill my wife get's to that stage... lol :-)
Like Cerb says, it's just a niche, I wouldn't worry about it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): you cant read into this. i agree with what cerebus. every guy has his own favourite category. it doesnt mean he prefers them over you. because porn is largely acting and not really reality. every human being on earth has fantasies. and dont start telling me you dont have some. obviously your bf has fantasies about asian girls. it doesnt mean he loves you less. and hes not going to go after one because he cares about you. now if hes looking at porn and you two are sexually active, thats another matter. he should be doing things with you, not wacking off to other girls on the internet. but you have to respect the fact that if for example you dont want sex, he might still be horny, and he might take care of it himself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Did you ask him about this OP, what did he say?
It's most likely just his porn niche most of us guys have a category that we prefer over the others. Mine for example is the "teens" category, you know 18+ dressed as cheerleaders etc. Does that mean I want to be a with a girl that is younger than my girlfriend? No not at all.
It's kind of like if you have a favourite actor, say Russell Crowe and you buy all his movies and have a big collection of all his movies. Or say you love Justin Timberlake and have all his albums.
When it comes to porn your husbands niche may be Asian women. Does that mean he prefers them over you? No, because not only did he marry you but he has probably told he doesn't.
What does he say about all this OP?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 April 2011):
What has he said to you when you have asked him about it?
Personally, I wouldn't read too much into it, its normal for men to look at porn even when they are in a relationship, I wouldn't see it as him preferring them to you and you're second fiddle to porn as its just a bit of fantasy. Its the same as someone liking women with big boobs or preferring porn with ebony women. I myself had a phase of watching asian porn, but in no way did it mean I walked down the street fantasizing over every asian woman that I saw.
If you really can't stand it, then explain to him how it makes you feel and ask for a reason why he would rather watch it than be with you.
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male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (27 April 2011):
men are visual creatures
and seeing asain women on porn doesnt necassarly means
that he is cheating on you with an asian woman
i know a friend who likes to watch interracial porn with white women and black men (( he is white and his wife is white))
but he wont share his wife or even imagine his wife with any man nither he was black or white
so no need to worry allot
Good Luck
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