A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:so i know this is out there a lot but my husband left me for a younger girl 24 years younger. they are living together oh and she has a 2 year old. Anyway just wanted to know if anyone could shed light on why he would leave a good wife that would go to the ends of the earth for him. i thought we were happy. he never said he wasnt. we held hands and talked everything until he met this girl and than bam i dont love you like that any more. please help me for i feel lost and confussed. i see there playful comments on facebook all the time. do you see this working out? HELP oh and they are engaged by what the family has told me even though our divorce is not even final....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): i am the orgianl writer of this question. and this is my response to serpico. no we still had sex, when his back was'nt killing him, or when he and i wasnt too tired from working 15 hours a day. the only stress he had was work. i worked, cleaned the house, cooked all the meals, layed his clothes out for the next day, yard work etc. he only had to work and come home to comfort...he golfed when he wanted to, he played poker with the guys one night a week. so i was not a nagging wife either. he once told me that i was too good to him. a maryter even. so thats why i said it was a shock.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (27 June 2012):
I have to agree with the majority. This situation is, unfortunately, not uncommon. My uncle did this to my aunt about 10-15 years ago. In their case the marriage did ultimately continue (they got divorced, then remarried on their original wedding anniversary a few years later) but things have never been the same between them and I can see how unhappy my aunt is. I think their relationship is the exception, as well. The majority of marriages do not survive from this point.Your husband was probably happy, and him leaving had nothing to do with you and everything to do with a younger woman showing interest in him. There are a number of men who would act exactly the same way in your husband's shoes. That doesn't make it right or any less painful, it just means your husband is thinking with the wrong head.My advice, having gone through a divorce where my ex cheated on me, is to follow through with the divorce and take some time to focus on yourself. Rediscover what you enjoy doing. If there are any hobbies or activities you've been thinking about trying out, now is the time to finally act. Forget about your soon to be ex-husband. He isn't worthy of you.Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 June 2012):
Look, in itself, a someone "leaving" for someone else is an unhappy event. That said, no one leaves without reasons, whether they be good or bad ones. All you have stated is he left you for a younger woman. My hunch is the real story is much more complex than that. Did you stop having sex with him? Were there other stresses in the marriage? Plenty of things here that could be the case, so lets not judge and/or give advice when we really dont know any of the facts of the case save the other womans age.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Hello,
I’m sorry that you are hurting like this. Sadly, it’s not as out there as you would hope. It sounds to me much like a mid-life crisis on his part. Would have been better if he’d gotten a motorcycle for his new ride huh?
First of all… UNFRIEND THEM (and even block them) on facebook.. do not torture yourself with their silliness. I had to unfriend my now x-husband after he left me and was all over facebook with his fiancé (while we were still legally married btw) so while it’s insane to be PROMISED (engaged) to marry while you are still legally married to someone else… folks do it all the time.
I knew my marriage was ending and my fiancé and I knew we were going to get married but we did NOT get formally engaged till after my divorce…. My XH did not wait and publicly on facebook announced his marriage and the wedding date long before our divorce was final. IT was tacky. So your husband and his intended are classless and tacky.
More than likely this will carry on for a few years… a 2 year old is tiring and he will tire of it on a daily basis. It's one thing to GRAND-parent a 2 yr old it’s another to parent daily at our age… tiresome.
In addition, she will probably want more children and a different lifestyle and will tire of his old age ways… and in a few years he may come crawling back to you… hopefully by then you will have recovered and found your own way and you will say “so sorry I’ve moved on”….
Sadly that’s what happens… you will end up happy healthy and whole and he will have numerous regrets..
Living well without anger is the best way to go here.
Perhaps some therapy to help you work through the justified confusion and anger.... (I'm a huge fan of short term professional therapy for life issues)
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A
female
reader, 057  +, writes (27 June 2012):
Because hes selfish & only thinking of himself.
Because hes chasing cheap thrills to spice up his life.
In reality, this type of thing doesnt last. Its all fun & exciting & new for a while & then he'll realise that your solid marriage was infact something worth going the distance for. Perhaps not. Perhaps hes just a huge idiot.
Youre definately not responsable for his actions. Hes just decided to let HIS morality & values slide for a bit of quick excitement.
Or maybe hes truely in love. Either way, it looks like you need to move on. Forget about him & start a new life.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Hi
You need to start your plan of action, make sure when the divorce is through you are looked after very well financially, have a home and money coming in,focus on work.
As to why he left, well he's a man, he thinks the grass is greener,he feels like a stud.He's just sad at the end of the day.He walked away from all you had,history, home the lot.My guess is hes been looking for a while but you didnt see the signs,assumed life was as normal.Why wouldnt you.
Stay off Facebook, dont torture yourself.Dont listen to gossip. Start planning your future. When the divorce is final, have a holiday if you can.your probably in shock still but that will pass.Worry about yourself, not him or his future,my guess is yours is brighter.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): Its obevious for any man, who is old will have attraction on young women but in that same situation if any girl offers & shows little love, thats enough for him to think, his present wife is not loving that much, so keep loving him one day he will surely be back.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Well, I'm sorry to hear your husband has left you for another much younger woman. That's very difficult.
It's impossible for us to tell you WHY he left you. We can't read his mind - especially not at this distance.
Maybe he's "sowing his wild oats" - sort of reliving his youth with a young woman who flatters and is infatuated with him, before it's too late, before he gets too old. Who knows?
Maybe there have been some very difficult issues in your marriage that never got resolved, and caused either him or you to be dissatisfied.
If your divorce isn't final then he CAN'T be engaged to her!
You say you see their "playful comments" on Facebook "all the time." You'd do better to stay away from Facebook and stop torturing yourself!
Do we see this working out? How can we possibly answer that question? What if it DOESN'T work out? What if it DOES?
Only thing I can tell you is to look out for your own well-being and interests, both emotional and financial. You must begin to think of yourself as (reluctantly) single once again and to provide for a life without him. In saying that, the POSSIBILITY can't be ruled out that he'll become disillusioned with her and want to return to you. BUT that is most certainly NOT something to pin your hopes on!
Finally, can you talk to your family and see if they can shed any light on his behavior?
I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (27 June 2012):
 I have seen this but I don't understand it any better than you do. But I think it goes something like this. Men have mid-life melt downs just as much as women. Maybe worse. It is my theory when people begin to wrestle with the thought of their own mortality (i.e he is getting older, his life is going by too quickly) some men can suddenly do something outrageous and have an affair with a much younger woman. Somehow raising a small child at this age makes them feel invincable, like they've got their whole life ahead of them, instead of feeling like their 50 years old and who knows how many years are left in him. Also there is a slim possibility the child is his. Some men have affairs for a few years before they make a leap out of their marriage. DO I see their relationship working out? No. Not in the long run. His young girlfriend will soon tire of him and the limitations he will present to her age group. Raising a 2 year old child can be very exhausting. He will no doubt figure that out in time. Also as he ages a little more, his "equipment" may become "faulty" due to his age. It won't take her long to start seeing men her own age, in a whole other light. Plus they will both get sick of people assuming she is his daughter. No I do not see it working out, but by then your divorce will be final and you may be heavily involved with someone who actually appreciates you. If that happens, and you have the satisfaction of seeing his relationship fail, just wave and smile and keep going. He doesn't deserve you. Not now. Not ever.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (27 June 2012):
The answer to this is clear. If your soon to be ex husband has a nice car, stable job and is well off then that alone attracts women. This female is younger probably looking for stability and met your husband. Your husband proved that he could be the perfect gentleman for her unlike her previous lovers. She lit up like a Christmas tree when she realized he may have money or well off. Your soon to be ex felt like a suave man to be getting older and put such a younger, double suave if she's very attractive. It stroked his ego that she was interested. Thus a relationship was formed. Your question, will it last? The relationship will last as long as he is giving her his all....financially, emotionally. Should another guy catch her eye she may leave even sooner. But no one knows, and this is all my opinion. Lots of guys, who shouldn't be married in the first place would leave their wife in a heartbeat for a younger women especially if he really feel he's losing his suaviness. Don't wait around for this clown. Let him and his new barbie join the circus and live happily never after. You on the contrary, focus on your new life. I hope wonderful things are before you. Don't look back.
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