A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hello everyone,The other day, i asked my boyfriend, if he has ever cheated on me or even thought about cheating on me. For some odd reason he started crying, and said he would never ever cheat on me. But for some reason i cant help to think that there is something he is hiding there or maybe im just being insecure? But why would he cry over a simple question like that. It doesnt make much sense to me...any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): My advice is short but not very sweet I'm afraid.
My ex used to do the same thing, turnt out he was cheating right left and centre.
Watch out!
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 I have a friend who used to do this to his gilfriend and he made her very insecure and in the end they split because of it.
I have a little bit of further advice for you if you would like it...
I think that you maybe should talk to him a bit more and say that he can't keep coming out with comments like this because they clearing drive a wedge into the trust you have and it ends up hurting both of you. Making you jealous is not a caring thing to do and even though he may like it in the short term, it will effect you both in the long term - as you can see from the outcome of what happened when you asked him whether he cheated or not.
Talk to him a bit more and ask him to try not to do it anymore.
Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for all your inputs. It really did help.
And its not that i dont trust him. I asked him because he made me upset with a comment he made, i rather not repeat it. So i asked him later on about the cheating thing and he cried. I asked though, later, about the comment he made, he said he said that to make me upset and show more feeling. He likes to see me jealous, i dont know why. But thats why he says those things. But then him saying those things makes me question my trust in him. But i do trust him. We worked all this out. And we still love each other more than anything.
Again, thank you for your help. I apperciate it very much.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (5 July 2008):
From what you have said, it would seem to me that he is very upset at the fact that you asked him about it and that you don't seem to trust him.
If he really had cheated, I think he would have been very defensive and angry - this is quite often the reaction from an accusation isn't it?
I think the fact that he cried and said that he had never cheated tells me that he hasn't done anything wrong. Crying usually is the let out of emotions - a kind of release from keeping things bottled. I think that because he cried, that he would have told you if he had cheated because crying is a way of letting out the things that are trapped inside.
Why ask him such a question? Is there anything that he has specifically done to make you think that he's cheated/cheating?
Or, and I don't mean to be harsh by this, maybe you are being a bit insecure because you have a decent guy that you think there MUST be something that he's hiding? Or possibly that you've been cheated on before and feel like it could happen again or that all men are the same?
I personally, don't think you have anything to worry about here, it appears to me that you may have offended him by asking him this which suggests to him that you don't trust him.
The problem is now that you need to rebuild the part of this relationship that fell down when you felt that you needed to ask him this question.
Take care x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): For him it wasn't a simple question, he loves you it is plain.
For a man what destroys the relationship first is when their girl no longer trusts them, trust and admiration are the things men need the most and it hurts to feel that you don't see them in this light, especially if you have no grounds for it.
For women it is appreciation, you want to know he appreciates you and the ground you walk on, and cheating would mean that you believe he would never appreciate you again, that you could never make it whole again....on some deep level he knows this is why you are asking and that is a pretty scary thing to try and fill that void in you and if it is there he may not have a clue what he has done to make you ask such a question and may be hurt and frustrated by it.
I don't think crying is indicitive of a liar, a cheater can tell a bold face lie and keep his composure.....a guy in love cannot.
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A
female
reader, !Candice16! +, writes (5 July 2008):
 i can easily say he is probally emotional. is the bond strong between you? can you trust him? talk to him about this. look into his eyes. the eyes are what tell the most tht is hidden. he probally is hurt tht you would think tht or mabey its an untold secret. listen to what he has to say. and watch his eyes. if he is innocent then kiss him and say sorry. make him feel comfortable. what really helps is a nice movie and some alone time.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Hi there, First of all, I would like to know why you asked him the question? Do you feel that he is cheating on you, or do you think he will, why? How is your relationship, do you care for each other, are you both trying to build the relationship, by trusting each other? Are you secure in yourself? Sorry to ask so many questions, but these are germain to having, I think, a good relationship. Trust is of the utmost importance, between a man and a woman.
Now, to the tears, he is telling you that he has not cheated, and then he cries. Well, something is going on inside of him, it's plain to see. One of two things, he is either telling an untruth, and does not want to admit it, or he is deeply hurt, that you would think, that he would do such a thing. If he is emotional, then either of these could be the case. Myself, if I were in the relationship, I would certainly evaluate how he treats me, is he caring, is he there when you need him, is he a good listener? If these things are positive, I would leave the cheating question alone, accept what he has said, until you have some solid reason, to believe that he has not been honest with you. One thing I do tend to believe, if you start looking for stuff, you are going to find stuff. The other thing is, if you put something in a person's mind, for instance, that you don't trust them, they may just go for the game, because you have already accused them of the name, cheater. Think about it, you may want to leave well enough alone. If he asked you the question, would you be offended? I think I would, I would also think that my partner, was a bit insecure. Build up your confidence. It is also my belief that a cheater is a cheater, if it is in a person's nature to cheat, they will, if not they won't. Sometimes you do have women, who will try to seduce guys, just to see if they can. But a lot of men realize what these women want, just to break up a relationship, and these men, take themselves out of harms way. If your guy cares for you, and is good to you, let it be. Try to be happy. Take care and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Hmm, maybe he was offended, it was a pretty random question to ask, lol, there may be a possibility, but you could say that for any relationship if you wanted to. He probably means it when he says he would never cheat on you, otherwise why would he be so emotional about it? So don't worry about it. He may have just been a bit offended that you would think he did, or ask to see if he did, it may just be a sensitive thing for him.
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