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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm totally confused and need some advice. I dated a guy a few months back. We were incredibly close. We were emotionally, physically and intellectually intimate. Long story short - he fell in love with someone else and now they're together. Living together after two months. We stopped communicating when they became official. Two weeks ago, out of nowhere he contacted me saying he wants to "make sure my world is good" and said that if I ever needed to talk to someone, to let him know. He said he would call me and we'd catch up. I let time pass, he never contacted me. I messaged him the other night asking how he is, out of sheer curiosity, and he just totally ignored it. I don't get it! Why would he contact me in the first place, offering himself as a friend or whatever, and then never call and ignore my message? He's in a serious relationship, I found it odd that he would reach out to me in the first place considering our past.What does this all mean!?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2015): He was just checking in. He's in a good place and given your history probably wanted to hear you say the same. That you've found something like he has. To be honest, I've had this happen. I never replied because I knew he was with someone else and the talk was he was extremely in love- they are now married. We had a great thing, but it didn't last. It hurt. But you know what, when I got that text, I knew that it wasn't an invite back into his life. He didn't say hey, I want to talk to you, let's meet up, I've left her because I want to try again. No, honestly I would have loved that. But all my ex wrote was "checking in, it's been a while. Hope you're taking good care of yourself. If you ever need anything, I'll be there." I knew him too well to know that was our closure. He shut the door on us and wasn't looking back. Nowhere did he say I want you. Nope. Door shut. It hurts but knowing who he is/ was it was actually very kind and showed me so much respect for who we once were. Let it go. That door is shut. I'm sorry. But I know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2015): There was a moment of fleeing curiosity and sentimentality; and he just wondered whatever happened to you. Perhaps after a few drinks one day. Maybe he may have seen you on social media; or someone who reminded him of you. He might have contacted several women in his past. There are movies about this, just rummaging through the past to see if feelings have changed; or if forgiveness is on the table.
One might assume he may have been going over old relationships in his mind, and considering the next level to take in his present relationship. From what you've indicated, he didn't offer anything romantic or suggest a hookup. It seems pretty generic; and a voice-out-of-the-past type of communication.
I wouldn't have taken it seriously anyway, considering the past.
If you are completely over him; shrug it off and move on.
He's in a serious relationship as you know, and it is quite possible that his current lady in his life could have deleted your messages; or forbade any further contact with you. He may have "sobered-up;" and realized contact with you was wrong and may open some old wounds. In hindsight, he realizes he shouldn't have contacted you at all.
I recommend you let it go. If you hear from him again out of the blue; ignore him. Worst case scenario, he's feeling you out to see if you still have it for him and that's a boost to his ego. He's already got you wondering, and that to me says you haven't quite gotten over him. He doesn't really need to know this, if he has bad intentions. He already has a woman. Out of respect for that, step aside.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2015): Because he's a random dude with random thoughts and your number is still in his phone. Why not block him? He's a weirdo. Is that so hard to grasp? LOL
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 October 2015):
 He'd probably had a fight with his girlfriend when he contacted you. Iv seen people do this.... When they have a fight and have no one to talk to, they turn to someone who they know will never snub them and will be available for them. When things got better with her, he never contacted you again.
Forget him; he's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2015):
 He kept you in the waiting list in case he goes through a drought period, or he got bored with his girlfriend or they have arguments. However contact would be on his terms so it would be no strings, no fuss, and causes no inconvenience in his life. He seems to think that your world is good if you get an occasional, delightful dose of him. Same as some plantation owners felt that slaves only need corn gruel and veggie soup as meals. Some men feel that if women do not ask for commitment, then they are happy to be treated as side dishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 October 2015):
 Oh, what an asshat!
First of all YOU might have felt a closeness, but he didn't. I mean if you had this very special bond I don't think he would have fallen for someone else. I think he used you as a rebound or "in between relationships" FWB arrangement. That is why he dropped you like a hot rock when he met someone who probably didn't WANT casual.
Why did he text you? To see if you are still available, just in case he needs some ego-rubs, sex or entertainment.
He is NOT a friend. He was a guy you had something casual with and who moved on to greener grass. He is someone who didn't care as deeply for you, as you did for him. Personally? I'd delete his number/block it and never look back.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 October 2015):
 This is classic guy-behaviour.
He got what he wanted from you (sex)... decided that there was probably greener grass, elsewhere.... sought and found that greener grass.... found out it wasn't greener, after all.... so contacted you to find out if he could have another go at it with you.....
Be smart, and stay away from him.....
Good luck...
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