A
female
age
30-35,
*reBrelCute
writes:I keep asking guys out that act like they have feelings for me but they keep turning me down and I can't take it. What am I doing wrong? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2015): I suspect that you first stare then down, search for signs they like you, and over-read the signals. We guys do that all the time. Thus the pitfalls of dating!
Those who have answered your question haven't asked how many times this has occurred, or where you met these guys? Most often things happen in threes. Thrice you've been turned down; therefore you are discouraged from then on.
Don't ask a guy out you've met in a bar or club. They're free-range party boys who aren't usually very smart, and have a frat-boy mentality. They don't want to be committed, and wish only to see how many girls they can bed before they get too serious. They are fresh out of high school, just started college, and lack maturity. They go from one end of the spectrum to the other, and there is no happy-medium. They're intimidated by an intelligent and assertive female; because they know they're too immature and she won't put up with their crap. They are embarrassed by their own boyishness. The haven't learned how to control their impulses or exhibit real manhood. That takes time.
Warning!!! If you demean or talk-down to a guy like he's a simpleton, he'll let you know right-off. "Not this guy, sweetie!!!" They don't care how pretty you are. You may have a lot on the ball, but no guys likes to feel like you're doing him a favor to be talking to him. Nor would any woman, in the reverse situation.
If you use "liquid-courage;" and ask guys out after a few drinks, they will judge you for it. Even if they're drunk too.
Men are afraid of meeting a "psycho-chick." The car-key scratching, phone-snooping, windshield-bashing female psychopath. They often equate or misread very assertive and strong females with being desperate or pushy; or potentially mean. So, never hide or suppress your natural feminine charms. Nature gave them to you for a reason. Assertiveness does not mean being more like a man. It means being confident and courageous. Fierce!
That's why I asked where you meet them? You may be scrapping the bottom and not know it. So many young men are stupid or under-educated males, stuck in their adolescence; and victims of their own arrested-development. They are most likely still in the process of "growing-up;" if they're still in their early twenties. Guided wherever their dick leads them; and often tripping over it.
Most straight-guys like to be the initial purser; then to be pursued, once it is established "he's the man." Nothing is wrong with that. I've watched and experienced women who come-on too strong, and fall flat on their faces. Only because he/I felt she was hinting he wasn't man enough to come on to her first. Old-ways are hard to change. He just may be gay, and not interested. I know some women like the metro-sexual very polished meticulously groomed male. He just may be searching for the same thing you're looking for!
Not to yield to stereo-typing. I myself am a gay man. I had my experience with dating women first. I still get approached by very attractive women. That's a story all in itself. I have to let them down nicely. I still admire their courage, and I'm flattered by their taste.
Most guys just don't want to feel emasculated in the courtship; while you're trying to prove you're as much man as he is. Yes you are his equal; but he's the one who has a penis and testicles. That makes him the guy in the relationship. So he wants that well-established before any romantic-connection is made. It's a guy-thing, and there is no need to make you understand it. It is what it is. We guys enforce it without excuses or explanations. Many guys don't want to feel like the "bitch" in the relationship.
This may be a poor choice of words or perhaps a bad metaphor; but a man wants his masculinity to be acknowledged and appreciated, not undermined.
Some guys do like to be dominated by more aggressive females; but not in-front of his buddies.
Don't approach a pack, they are a single-mind. Their pack-mentality equals one small brain. One guy can't function without the opinion of his peers; who set rules that don't make any sense when it comes to females. They're like the "Borg" in the Star Trek series. A collective-mind.
They do the chasing, and resistance is futile!
Don't mimic male behavior, because it doesn't work for females. It often doesn't work for us! We have to learn to be a man. We need positive male role-models. Many were raised by single-mother households, and absent or disinterested fathers didn't offer them much male-influence or guidance to show them how to be a good man. No slight on single-moms. A man still needs a positive male role-model to be a boyfriend, husband, or father. Many of us are very lost. So add fear and confusion when you're the one making the first move. They don't know how to react.
Using slick or cheesy pickup lines, or trying too hard to show how "women's lib" you are. That often spells female bully to a lot of guys. Most guys don't want to date the female-version of a man, or themselves. It's just how guys are. They don't want you to be one of they guys; they want you to be yourself and comfortable being a woman. In-fact, enjoying it. It reflects in your grace and attitude. It's what makes you attractive, unique, and special. Not meaning you have to act girly and empty-headed, just happy you're a woman and you don't need a male's validation to know you are.
Having a man or woman in our lives, is needed to fulfill the human need we all have for love and affection. No female should feel you're nothing or useless until some guy tells you you are. So don't take male-rejection personally. You just aren't his type, or he knows you deserve something better. Some women just assume they're not good enough or pretty enough. That's an issue with self-esteem. Guys aren't entirely to blame for that. That's personal.
I would suggest that you don't stop asking guys out. It takes practice to get good at it. Feel him out a little longer and establish how much he likes you. Encourage him to talk about himself; and evaluate his character a little bit. You'll figure-out more about him,if he freely talks about himself. Wait and see if he's going to make a move. Sometimes you're not really doing anything wrong, it's the timing. It also depends heavily on the type of men you like; and most certainly where you're meeting them.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 October 2015):
 Where are you when you are asking these guys out?? Where are you when they act like they like you? Sometimes, if you're talking about the club or a bar or at a drunken party, no one's being serious, and most of the time it's casual, especially if there's alcohol involved.
So - who are these people in relationship to you, and where are you doing the asking out?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2015): If they really had feelings for you they'd ask you out but they don't so move on to the next guy. And stop trying so hard. Men like to chase.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2015): No matter how much we talk about equality, guys will be guys. It probably will be another century before it will be totally equal for a woman to ask a guy out.,Men like chasing, and when you ask them out there is no chase. Plus, for many it's stil traditional to ask a woman out, not the other way around.,I once got a little tipsy, and asked a guy to dance.,it was so awkward, as he looked so surprised. Before he flirted with me, and we chatted a lot, but after that he was avoiding me. And for me it was very unpleasant, I didnt even like the guy, that was the most awkward for me. I travel a lot alone. Guys see a woman alone and start flirting with me, ing aging me in conversation. Few times I tried todo the same and initiate conversation and I always got like a cold shoulder. One even thought I was a hooker. I know, it sounds terribly unfair, but this is my experience.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 October 2015):
 Roles have "modernized" It used to be the guy who did the asking out...maybe these guys are still in that mode. I'd quit asking.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2015):
 Stop asking them out. IF asking them out back fires, then stop doing it.
You say they "act" like they have feeling for you, do you sleep with them? Or do you just "think" they have feelings for you ?
If a guy seems interested but doesn't ask you out, he IS acting. And then you simply skip that one.
I am curious as to where you met these guys at?
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (12 October 2015):
 how about slowing down, let the guys ask you out. it makes them feel pressured , and makes you seem desperate. let them do the asking, calling. you just make yourself available , and be yourself everything should work better for you.
if these guys are too dim to ask you out you may need to hang out some other place to meet guys.
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