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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been trying to get this guy's attention for over 3 years, and at times I think he likes me, but other times I don't. I'm very confused on why God would let me fall in love with him. I know I have deep feelings here, because one, I've never felt this way before, and two, I can't seem to get over him, no matter how hard I try. So please tell me what's going on here, and why God's not letting much happen. Please let me know soon. I'm desperate for answers on why I fell in love with him, and why my friends say he's scared to talk to me. If he is scared, how can I help him? What do I do? Please help me.
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male
reader, badger27 +, writes (13 September 2005):
In a situation like this, the person you are trying to gain has a lack of confidence and perhaps is afraid whether you like him or not as well.
Currently, I am in a situation where I am the shy person as it were. I have noticed that the girl had feelings, and then other times did not. In the end I did tell her, merely because I felt there were no other option.
So what I suggest really is that you give him many options, give yourself space from friends so that he may be able to approach you and talk to you one to one. If this works, keep him interested, tell him to meet you at the same place etc.
Why not try speaking to him when he is alone, if he feels the same way as you, he will be able to express himself. If he doesn't, at least he knows how you feel. When it works out as planned, gradual conversation and techniques will allow you to forge a relationship on how you feel.
I went to a Catholic School. and what I learned there is that one person cannot cover the expanse of their own mind. Others have to help them enlightened themselves. Building a teamwork and trust basis allows one another to feel closer. Try inviting him to things where he can build a similar situation up with you.
God has brought love into the world. God merely brought love to us as far as I am concerned. Carpe Diem, Latin for seize the moment. Seize the time where the love between you has been much higher than on recent days. He may be feeling more confident if things are going well for him. Why not wait until he is in a good mood, then reprocussions will be more favourable than expected.
Well I leave you with the message that I even keep on telling myself. Carpe Diem.
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male
reader, Quantum_Tantrum +, writes (13 September 2005):
Thanks to low self-esteem, this guy thinks that he would never be able to win a nice girl like you, even though he desperately wants to. This is why he gets afraid and anxious whenever you are near. He can't help it, and he probably hates feeling that way. Maybe this is why God made you fall in love with him, so you can help him through this terrible affliction (nobody who hasn't been cursed with low self-esteem can ever understand the pain of wanting someone, yet being to afraid to go for it. Fortunately, hundreds of guys like him are cured everyday, and he is no exception.
In a situation like this, don't expect him to make the first move, and don't expect that you're courtship will be a traditional, normal one. You'll have to make the first move, which is rather going against conventional wisdom, but then you know it'll be worth it.
The main thing to remember is that the fear your boy feels is a psychologically conditioned response which he probably can't beat on his own, and maybe aren't even aware of.
When pursuing him, the most important thing is to keep the pressure away from him, and so keep him confident.
First make friends with him. Practise putting him at ease, until he trusts you like a best friend. Reassure him about his good qualities, laugh at his jokes, anything to boost his confidence and trust. Once you have a good friendship, everything else will fall into place, you'll see.
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (13 September 2005):
 As a believer in God, I believe we bring our biggest fear into being so that we can beat it. It is not about loving him but about loving yourself.
I fear that you have a very unhealthy view on relationships and love. Because love is not really a feeling. If is a decision to act in such a way as to edify or build up the other person. It is patience, kindness, never jealous or proud, never points out anothers weakness, but builds them up instead.
The chemical you are feeling is lust mixed with delusion. Don't worry, we all get that in the begining. But Biblically, that is the challenge to overcome. Because if you don't then it will overcome you and then you feel like you do.
You seem young, so I would not be too concerned just yet since these are the experiences that mature you. In fact, they are necessary as the effect to your cause and there, God never will intervene. Should you devote your extra thoughts to him, you never know. But if you did that you would already realize that humans rarely get their prayers answered when they are asking for things that they could not realize is not best for them. When you look back one day (provided you trust him) you will thank him for ignoring the harmful requests.
Now try to relax and if he is right for you, your backing off a bit will only help.
As an act of faith, thank God now for having your back. The Bible says to give thanks to him and your joy will be increased.
I did that the night my brother was killed and it was absolutely amazing the peace. It is hard to do it when your so hurt but doing so refocuses your mind to the positive.
Also, make sure you stay active. I know that this is very hard on you, even like a death since the dead rarely chose to go, but if you don't at least try to fight the despair, it will only last longer.
God bless you, you will be okay again. If I found peace on the night my baby bro died you can too, I promise.
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female
reader, not again +, writes (13 September 2005):
maybe god doesnt exist sweetie? And if it does... maybe you have got to take a bit more responsibility for yourself. You and god are a team, you fell in love with this guy too, not just god.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (12 September 2005):
We all have a thing called free will. This means that we have the power of choice. We are not puppets on a string. God does not control us. Stop trying to get over this guy. If you still like him after three years chances are it won't just go away overnight, especially when you are trying NOT to think about him. Choose whether or not you want to talk to him and ask him out or not. If you can't pluck up the courage then admire him from a distance and hope that one day he will ask you. Or you could have a look around and see are there any other boys out there that might take your fancy. My mother once told me "Don't put all your eggs in one basket". I always had a list of fancyable boys under my pillow just in case.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2005): Sweetie, God does not act on a case by case basis, he's more of a big thinker if I understand it correctly. If he did act on a micro-management scale, why would He give people cancer, have them blown up in wars, tortured, have little babies die of heart problems.
If you believe in God, which you clearly do, then maybe you need to figure out what you believe about how He works. He doesn't have time to look out for everyone I'm afraid.
Maybe you need to look at how you act and what you perceive in this work and take a more literal, logical way of things, while retaining your faith?
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male
reader, Manny  +, writes (12 September 2005):
I've been in the sitation as the shy guy,you gotta talk to him and hang with him,becuse eventully he'll be cool with tlkin to you,then you can tell him how you feel
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