A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys! So let me just get straight to it... I can't stop thinking about my boss, despite all my attempts to avoid him.It all started about 6 months ago when I went on a job interview for a few car dealerships. At my last interview for the franchise dealership I really wanted to work for, I was interviewed by my future boss, we'll call him X . Anyways, I was interview by a man and then a woman and finally X came in. Immediately, I was taken aback by his good looks but I stayed focus. He interview me briefly, but during the interview, I got the vibe he was attracted to me. I tried to put it out of my head since I always give people the benefit of the doubt.Fast forward a week later, I started working at another dealership. I'm thinking i'm never going to see him again. WRONG! Turns out his dealership owns mine, and they're walking distance from each other. He visits a few times a week and I go over there sometimes to get cars. So he is technically my GM, but I don't work directly under him. I have a GM at my dealership that I work for directly. Long story short, X started slowly flirting with me and at first I thought he was just being polite, but one day one of my co-workers told me that he asks about me a lot when they go out for drinks and that he is always talking about how good looking I am. He has mentioned me to a few times about my looks but again, I took it as him being polite. And despite all his flirtations, I didn't flirt back. If he said I looked good, I would say "you do too". That's it though.One day, my co worker tells me that he was helping him move furniture and confesses to him that he looked me up to see how old, but thought I was too young for him (I'm 20 and he's 35, I was 19 at the time however and he was 34, we have the same birthday). Despite my age, he admits that he is sexually attracted, but since Im much younger he fights with his thoughts. Again, I haven't done anything. But X gets the feeling that I like him and at that point, he concludes im just too young for him. And even though I didn't pursue him in anyway, I do like him. I figured to just let it go and keep my fantasy to myself.. But then, I notice that X has changed. He hardly even talks to me, or looks at me. Its like him thinking I liked him, turned him off.Like I said, I tried to let it go.. After a month of little to no talking, he comes to the dealership to see my GM. He waits for my GM to get there and I see him talking to my co-worker and looking at me. After X leaves, my co-worker comes up to me and says, "I think I know why he isn't talking to you.... He was looking at you and then asked me if you were dating Z (My sales manager and my dealership, also my boss). I told him no, and was going to ask why he thought that but then a customer came up to me and I never got to ask why". That explained a lot because as X left, he smiled at me and told me to have a good day, which he hasn't even spoken to me in so longThat was a little over a week ago and I haven't seen X since then. But I continue to have dreams about him EVERY night. And in every dream, we have sex. And honestly, thats all I think this is. I am sexually attracted to him like never before and I feel like if I could do it just once, I would get over this and move on. He is married, and I feel so guilty for my thoughts, but I'm honest enough to admit I am into this guy and it was taken over my thoughts. I don't want to be attracted to him anymore.. But I keep having dreams about him, every night and I wake up so disappointed. What should I do? How do I let this go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2016): I read 3/4 of the way through your post thinking this was about a manager hitting on a young member of his team (should she/shouldn't she?) then you dropped the bombshell that he's married. Really this is a no brainer for you.He is married, much older and your manager. He's also clearly a player if he freely discusses his interest in women with co-workers. You need to run from him because this will end very badly for you if you let it continue.If you DO have sex with him one of the following will happen:He loses interest straight away and blanks you. You are more keen on him than ever and end up feeling used and hurt.He carries on having sex with you. Your reputation turns to mud and you develop strong feelings for him. He eventually tires of you when a new and less clingy woman comes along and you get dumped for her AND/OR his wife finds out and he drops you like a stone.There's a tiny chance he'd leave his wife, then what? You become the woman at home he's cheating on you mentioned 3/4 of the way down the page.Your other concern is your job. He's in a position of power over you. Do you think he'll still want you around once he's had his fun with you? Unlikely.You'll get forced out one way or another. I bet his former conquests have been moved on elsewhere. Unfortunately I've seen this scenario in so many workplaces. Take off your rose tinted spectacles and think about what he's REALLY like. He's a predator not a nice guy who likes you. When he's complementing you on your looks and flirting wildly with you imagine how you'd feel if your bf/husband was behaving that way with another woman. Next time you fantasize about him imagine his wife walking in on your or your colleagues laughing at what a fool you are and refering to you as the office "bike". You're at a crossroads in all this please think carefully about which road you walk down.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): I am sorry if this is going to be a little brutal but here are the facts you mentioned.
- X is married.
- X keeps flirting with someone who he knows is very young and impressionable.
- X likes you only for your looks.
- X discusses his sexual fantasies about a young girl
with his friends. In my book, that's not being a gentleman and the kind of behaviour guys should outgrow by 25.
- X strategically ignores you sometimes and then sometimes flirts and smiles with you to keep you lusting. That's kinda manipulative behaviour.
So I would suggest not to pursue X but enjoy your sexual fantasies by whatever means you employ. Feel beautiful and glorious. Trust me the glow of a confident woman would attract someone worthy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 You let this go by reminding yourself, over and over, that he is MARRIED! Whether he likes you or you like him, or whether he thinks you are too young for him is totally irrelevant.Put yourself in his wife's shoes and think what it would do to her if you were to have a fling with him and she found out. You cannot build your happiness on someone else's unhappiness.And no, having sex with him "just once" is not the answer. Stay professional and pleasant, but keep this man at arm's length. He is not free to offer you more than a quick hump. As soon as his wife gets an inkling of what is going on, he will dump you so fast, your head will spin.
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