A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would like to ask for some point of views.Do older married man like 65 yrs. old and above seek an affair because his wife cannot give him the sexual desires he needs?I have a friend who falls madly in love with an old married guy almost twice her age. He is 70 and she is 37. Their relationship has been going on for 5 years without meeting but has plans to meet up this 2011.I feel afraid for her because she is madly in love with him. She knows she has no future with him, she knows her long distance bf will not leave his wife and family for her but she still continues the relationship and her reasons "she loves him".Is it possible that this old man will just use her for sexual reasons if ever he will come in 2011? Is he just using her because his wife couldn't give his physical needs as his wife is 65 yrs old?Do you think an old married man from United States will come and visit the Philippines for her because he loves her or because he just needed her for sex?
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affair, long distance, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Get real the old goat has no intention of visiting anyone. He obviously had ED and can pretend he is a young virile stud on line. I just gives him a real boost to his ego. Your friend has my sympathy.
A
male
reader, ALAMBO  +, writes (30 November 2010):
please give your friend a chance, life is about choices and by them we learn. After the visit then shall we know whether he loves her or just needed her for sex. From the out come, the world will learn to make right decisions and so will you. Things happen for a reason!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): If this old person wants SEX alone, why should he come to her spending much money??? He could have easily find a prostitute who's ready to do anything for money. LOVE HAS NO RESTRICTIONS. Age gap is nothing when love is there. Love is amazing!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think their relationship is for convenience purposes. He did help on emergency cases but not regularly supporting her instead help her more morally and guide her how to become more independent.
His wife knew about his affair as well his children last year and they parted for 8 months but now they are back again and more stronger than what they had before.
Could this be real? How can I convince my friend to stop when she is old enough and responsible enough to know the differences?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): I am NOT a cynic, but I am a realist! I'm also logical and practical and give answers based around this, which hopefully helps and leads the OP to make the right choices.
POINT ONE: A man of 70 who has been married a long time, will undoubtedly be drawn to having an internet based relationship, as it PROVIDES all the excitement and dating romance WITHOUT the REALISM, or risking his family.
POINT TWO: Married men whatever their age, 45, 65, or 75 are more likely to be looking for NEW sexual partners as a way of making them feel alive physically, than anything to do with their spouses NOT meeting their sexual needs, although of course the latter is NOT impossible. But a lot men who are having a healthy sex life with a spouse still enjoy extra marital sex.
POINT THREE: FIVE years is a long time to keep a VIRTUAL fantasy relationship going - This is NOT a real relationship as it is not based on anything real, as they do not know each other, they only know what either one wants the other to know or feel.
POINT FOUR: Has plans for a visit is 2011 - I would suggest your friend does not hold her breath on this one. Plans are NOT concrete, tangible actions that can be counted on, until or IF he does appear, then this is VIRTUAL built on fantasy and keeping an AGEING man who has very little possibility of having a REAL relationship with a woman of 37 in his own country.
POINT FIVE: Of COURSE this man is using her for sexual reasons - Why else would he go to the Philippines, when you have already stated he will NOT leave his wife or family for her, that in itself says he will want sex IF he goes, only to leave her behind returning to the comfort of his married life.
POINT SIX: No woman of 37 in her right mind, sorry, would continue a VIRTUAL relationship with a man old enough to be her father, who KNOWS he is NOT intending leaving/divorcing his wife. This is NOT her boyfriend in any stretch of imagination, which brings me nicely, to it being in the IMAGINATION for both of them. As for her being in-love with him, whatever those feelings are, as REAL to her as they probably are, it is based on anything real or what would normally constitute being in-love where you KNOW your partner, you've dated for several months, lots and lots of real dates, where you move to the NON-Honeymoon stage, you see all the imperfections, have arguments but come out the other side still loving this person. THIS IS NOT ANY OF THE FORMER. ( I capitalise due to function to highlight or put in bold)
POINT SEVEN: This is NOT happy ending story, and utterly surprising how a woman of 37, not a child, would get swept away with the virtual. She needs to concentrate on getting her life in the REAL world, and if she wants a boyfriend, partner or husband for the future, she needs to wake up and attempt to break away from this unhealthy and utterly dependent virtual liaison.
Good luck with this one!
Jilly
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 When meeting face to face, she will be able to size his wallet up, and he will have a chance to size her body up.
I have seen this happen any number of times.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 The guy is married! What else could it be except for an ego-boosting romp, as is the whole internet relationship in the first place? Relationships solely on the internet tend to progress much slower than in real life, so this is quite possible that it could still not be love after 5 years. It's an extended fantasy that stimulates both of them, so I don't believe it's all his fault.
However, I think in her case, the reality of seeing him and spending some face time with him will be a massive splash of reality. Some people just refuse to listen to common sense and just have to learn the hard way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): I wouldn't consider it much of a long distance relationship for convenience. He does help her though in times of emergencies but not completely supporting her but instead morally supporting her how to become independent.
Moreover, the wife of this older guy knew about the affair and his children last year then my friend and him separated but they just separated 8 months and now they are back again. And more intense than what they had before
Do you think this is love they are feeling for each other? How can I convince her to stop when my friend I think is old enough to know the difference?
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A
male
reader, ivanichiaynus  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 It takes two to tango, and she is after an affair too. If he is merely after sex he has invested five years in trying to get it, plus an air fare...for sex only, that would buy him a lot of sex at home without the effort.
Stop being so cynical and believe in love now and then.....
Ivan.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (18 November 2010):
Everything is possible, but this very very much sounds like a "long-distance relationship of convenience". Let me play Devil's (bwa-ha-ha-ha) advocate for a minute: Why would a self-respecting 37 year old woman, not a child, be involved with a 65 year old man without "any hopes" of being with him? Something doesn't quite add up, unless you add interest and, above all, some capital
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): he must like your friend a lot to actually spend 5 years writing emails to her if he just wanted sex he could pay for prosiatute. but still why does he have a wife hes probaly loving having the exictement of feeling for someone again and a stable realtionship? it aint going to be about sex just him feeling young again. she shouldnt go meet this jerk!
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