A
female
age
26-29,
*apphire230969
writes:hey, so i have never really told any one this , atleast not all the details and i really need some advice , honest adviseso all this started last year around this time, my tutor commented on one of my pictures which i set, i was half asleep when i replied to this comment and i dont exactly remember what i said. he then started texting me and most days i texted him and we started talking, we spoke about everything and anything, that got us closer, i am not sure if he was flirting with me , because hes like this with everyone, and during tutions he would stare at me , i am not sure what that was.and then one day while we were talking he mentioned that he loves me , i asked him why he said it and he answered as casually as possible that we were friends and it was ok , i believed that it was ok.honestly i didnt like him intially but have grown to like him a lot. but this time during tuitions my leg accidentally hit his under the table, and then he purposely put his foot over mine and i quicky pulled it away, i really dont know what this is,he is playing around with my feelings and i dont know why , does he really love me or only wants to take advantage, he said he wants to meet me, i said no and he sounded pissed after that, but told me to take my time. i think he is manipilating me like he has done this before , i really dont know what to do.he is married and he has kidsi am currently fifteen years oldi can't tell my parents they would sew him and he could be behind bars and i dont want that because he is actually a nice person , i just dont know what he is doing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): Listen to Mark he has explained very clear what is going on. Make sure you keep all the communication messages, don't delete.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): God bless Mark there for his endless supportOk, if she can't tell her parents, then how about a child abuse charity... the Samaritans.... the police even... how about the headmaster? Ultimately though, because of the SERIOUSNESS of what this man is doing, whoever she does report it to may well be legally obliged to inform her parents - correct me if I am wrong as I'm not all too familiar with the legalities of such a situation, but I dare like to bet if the school authorities were informed, the police would be called in IMMEDIATELY.This man is a paedophile and he is planning to abuse you. I think it's time you grow up and wake up and take action. If you don't, as Mark says, you are going to be raped. And who knows what else. Fancy being pregnant at under 15. Please get real!
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 June 2014):
 "if I tell my parents they ll ask him and even he ll say that i am the one who texted him. "
THE FACT HE ALLOWED YOU TO HAVE HIS NUMBER WILL SHOW ANYONE ELSE HE BROKE THE RULES OF CONDUCT AND STEPPED OVER THE LINE THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN CROSSES, EVER! He gave you, a child he is teaching, his mobile (cell phones) number. How else would you have got it? There is no way he could possibly talk anyone into thinking its you who started this.
He can say whatever he likes but the fact you have his number is enough for him to be seen as acting completely inappropriately. Even if he laughably claims you got his number elsewhere, he should have ignored ALL texts from a child he is teaching. Also he has told you things about himself, his wife, his marriage and his life which he should not have done. How would you know that information
if he had not discussed his personal life with you inappropriately?
"during tutions he would stare at me , i am not sure what that was."
Don't you? He was staring at you because he cant keep his eyes off you. He is becoming obsessed with you to the point where he cannot stop looking at your body. He wants sex with an underage girl, he is tuned on by young girls bodies and stares at you as he is excited knowing he is grooming you.
"we spoke about everything and anything, that got us closer, i am not sure if he was flirting with me"
That's part of the grooming process. Discussing things to make you feel that he is very open with you, that you are special friends, that you are mature and that you are someone he trust to confide in. Its manipulative, in fact classic manipulation of a child for sex. Yes he was flirting with you - telling you he loves you, telling you his (probably made up) marriage problems, touching you under the table...of course that's flirting. Inapropriate flirting in a sexual way with an underage girl.
What ever he says is irrelevant. You are innocent and will be seen as being so. Lets imagine an 8 year old girl told her parents that her teacher was declaring love for her, texing her, touching her inappropriately, telling her about his marriage problems....who in their right mind would believe the teacher if he said "she led me on, she text me first, she told me she loved me and I am the innocent part"? NOBODY! An 8 year old leading a man on? Ridiculous. Well it doesn't matter whether you are a toddler 8 or 15 and three quarters - you are underage. Even if you had started all this, which nobody will believe, HE should have kept distant, professional and advised you to stop.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 June 2014):
OP YOU SAY YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT RUINING AN INNOCENT MANS LIFE.....HE IS NOT GIVING A SECOND THOUGHT TO POTENTIALLY RUINING YORU INNOCENCE. IF HE RAPES YOU YOUR LIFE WILL BE RUINED!
When I say rape I don't mean holding you down and forcing you into sex, I mean a different type of rape - "grooming". It usually follows a set pattern....He will tell you he loves you, tell you his marriage is unhappy, tell you how mature you are for your age and how he doesn't see the age gap at all between the two of you as you are "at his level", he will state that emotionally you and he are so similar and that talking to you is like a breath of fresh air compared to his horrid wife, he will tell you how much more attractive and mature you are than his wife and your class mates, then he will manipulate you into thinking he really does love you, you will feel sorry for him, he will tell you that you are special friends who have so much in common...from their he will have you doing what you are doing right now: Thinking its better to keep quiet rather than speak out. He then has you hooked. Already you are saying you don't think he is a monster, maybe he is innocent, maybe you should just wait to leave school....he has manipulated you already. You know what comes need - a quick cuddle, a special kiss and then it goes on. He will test the water each time. Seeing how far he can take it until he gets what he wants.
"if i tell my parents they will think that it is my fault than i text him, they ll ask him and even he ll say that i am the one who texted him."
OP you are seeing this from the point of view of a child, which is understandable, but as an adult I can tell you that NOBODY is going to accuse you of starting this. Even if you had started it, or someone accused of doing so, it doesn't change the fact that HE should have put an end to it. You are a child, a children often have crushes on teachers, but it is his job to ensure non of his pupils get too close.
"he doesnt seem the monster that he is. i dont believe he is."
These men never do - that's the frightening thing. Unfortuantely Paedophiles are often though of as being dirty, sweaty, dodgy men who grab a child and rape them. That is not how it is. The truth is frightening - seemingly innocent, kind men,oftne married with their own children, "groom" children for sex using exactly the methods your teacher is using. Grooming means gaining a inncocent childs trust, using the guise of love of mutual friendship as a basis to get a child to comply and not see what he is doing as wrong.
When I was at school I had a favourite teacher called Mr W------. Great guy, lovely. Mr W------ was someone I looked up to and respected. He was married and had two boys similar age to me. He reminded me of my own father. I had fond memories of the nice man. Two years ago Mr W------ was arrested, charged and confessed to having downloaded over 600 photos off the internet of children being raped. Including videos of toddlers being gang raped. Makes you wonder what he was doing with his own two boys does it not?
"he told me he loves his wife 'like a school boy", why would he then ruin it ? "
Because his marriage is his disguise. It lends him respectability. Like Mr W------ it makes him seem like a settled, sensible, mature man, someone who can use that to influence you girls like you into thinking this guy is genuine. He is willing to risk his marriage because he wants sex with an underage girl. His main motivation is to find a victim....you!
To say he loves his wife like a school boy is deeply worrying - a classic grooming technique. Basically reducing her to your level of maturity, making her sound inferior to you, and makes you feel like this poor man is some kind of victim of a crap marriage that he needs to be saved from.
"any way only 4 months more and then ill pass out."
Don't take that attitude. You could have been raped by then. Plus what about his own children? Will they pass out in four months? Or will they probably be stuck with a father who is abusing them? What about the other girls he is doing this too? Do you think he really loves you? REALLY? HE is a grown man, you are a child, whats he going to do - leave his wife and kids for you? Run away with you? Risk going to jail to shower you with love? Is he, in his 30s, going to have a lot in common with a 15 child and be at the same maturity level and life stage? Hardly. Do you think this is exclusive? No, he is probably doing this to other girls, and may even already have groomed someone for sex.
"AND if i tell my parents, and he actually turns out to be good, like the one who likes to help people out, then i ruin an innocent mans life"
Your not thinking this through. How can this man be good? He is declaring love to a child he is the teacher of, touching you inappropriately and discussing his marriage and love for his wife to a vulnerable child he has a duty of care for. That proves he is not good. No way this is innocent. How on earth can he be helping you out? That's part of the process - making you believe that no only is he innocent, but actually helping you!
Look Op - Im a 36 year old man. Im similar age to this teacher yes? No disrespect to you but anyone over the age of about 20 would see a 15 year old such as yourself as being very young, a child, someone innocent and naive. We see a 15 year old as being someone we are old enough to be the parent of. As adults we all know to be extremely careful around children as to what we say and do. All adults, especially those who work with children, MUST adhere to very strict guidelines. In no way would any adult male who is innocent ever declare love to a child they were teaching. No Way!
"and yes mark i have posted this question before, i am scared , scared of everything , i dont know what i should do."
You are right to be scared. We are not trying to scare you. But I do ask that you stop and think about this situation because we, as adults, are very, very worried about this situation you are in. Sadly we live in a world where paedophiles are plentiful. Frighteningly those perpertrators of evil are usually the ones nobody would suspect. All of the adults who have replied to your two posts have said the same thing. We cant all be wrong We know how the world works, we have a lot of experience, some of us work with children and know damn well you NEVER, EVER behave the way he is to a child.
OP you know from the news that many famous people have recently being charged with child sex offences. I wont name names but you know who I mean. Here in the UK some of the UKS best loved Tv stars have been either accused or actually charged an imprisoned for child abuse. Men who had millions of adoring fans, men who seemed so nice, so genuine and popular...yet behind closed doors they groomed young, vulnerable children for sex. Illegal sex that damaged their victims for life. Their victims always say the same thing "i didn't know what he was doing to me was wrong at the time" or "i thought it was innocent as I was too young to know better".
OP You seem to think that if you tell your parents that they will think you are to blame. They wont. Your parents will know, as adults, what is happening. NOBODY is going to blame you, accuse you or in any way tell the whole school - any adult who finds out there has been declarations of love from your teacher to you and text messages will know what this man is doing is wrong.
Nobody is going to believe that a man in his 30s has been "led along" by a young girl like you. Ever heard of a child grooming an adult for sex? Of course not. If I was a teacher, in my 30s, and it was discovered that I had been telling a child I was teaching that I loved her, text her and touched her the way he does with you, NOBODY would think it was innocent, quite rightly, and nobody would take seriously any excuse I made about that child starting it.
You must tells someone about this. Please don't keep questioning what you are doing as that's what he wants. IN NO WAY is he innocent. Im sorry but your being extremely naïve and way too trusting here - THATS why he chose you as a victim.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 You may not be able to tell your parents. I understand that. But you are in an extremely vulnerable position. You can seek help and you are in great need of help and support right now. What is happening is not your fault. You are under the legal age of consent and your teacher knows this. What the teacher is doing right now is Grooming you. This must be stopped. Here is some information on Grooming. The teacher has probably done this before. You need support to get through this Because what the teacher is doing is wrong. Here is a support network for you:http://www.survivorsmanchester.org.uk/impact/legacy-issues/grooming/You are not the one in the wrong here. The responsibility rests with the teacher who should not try to groom and manipulate you. And this teacher is manipulating you and attempting to groom you for more abuse eventually.This charity can provide you with free confidential support:http://www.barnardos.org.uk/contact Samaritans.org and ask for some help. you can text them or speak to them directly. They can give you some options since you feel you cannot speak to your parents.You can visit the Citizen's Advice Bureau and ask to speak confidentially to a counsellor there - you can ask for support and ask them to tell you your options.Please stop texting with this teacher immediately.What ever trouble happens to this teacher is not the issue for you to concern yourself with. The teacher is an adult. He is responsible for his own actions.The teacher would be well aware of his responsibilities. But he is choosing to ignore his responsibilities. Your problem is that if the teacher continues to groom you and manipulate you then you could be placed in a very vulnerable position. To stop this going any further please seek confidential help right now. And again I plead with you to stop replying to his texts. You do not owe your teacher an explanation for why you stopped texting the teacher. You DO need to get that confidential support suggested above.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): It makes me feel absolutely sick to say this because, if this post is real, we can't do anything and the OP isn't willing to, but I think this thread should be stopped.OP, your story worries us very much and we would like to support you, but we can't until you fully accept the following:- a good teacher will NOT add you on social media or text you- NONE of this is your fault and you NEED to tell an ADULT! ANYONE but him- you KNOW you are SCARED for a valid reason, but if you REFUSE to report him, he will continue to be dangerous and the next child will not be as aware as you, causing her to be assaulted or worseIf you report him and it's harmless, nothing will happen to him and he will be fine. If you do NOT report him and he's as much of a creep as he is showing you, he WILL escalate and you or another young girl will be manipulated by him into doing illegal things and he's already convincing you NOT to worry - imagine what he'd convince the next girl?!I understand that you're scared, but that's your instincts TELLING you that you NEED to report it. You truly owe it to yourself and to other girls he has access to, BEFORE he traumatises a poor girl.If you can't tell your parents, contact ChildLine and/or talk to your doctor; you don't need your parents present for either.
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A
female
reader, sapphire230969 +, writes (7 June 2014):
sapphire230969 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni understand what you all are trying to say , if i tell my parents they will think that it is my fault than i text him, they ll ask him and even he ll say that i am the one who texted him. he has not texted since two days now .he doesnt seem the monster that he is. i dont believe he is. he told me he loves his wife 'like a school boy". why would he then ruin it ? any way only 4 months more and then ill pass out.AND if i tell my parents, and he actually turns out to be good, like the one who likes to help people out, then i ruin an innocent mans life, and yes mark i have posted this question before, i am scared , scared of everything , i dont know what i should do. I CANT TELL MY PARENTS.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (6 June 2014):
Vile man I meant.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (6 June 2014):
" then one day while we were talking he mentioned that he loves me , i asked him why he said it and he answered as casually as possible that we were friends and it was ok , i believed that it was ok."Reading that again makes me feel absolutely sick. Sick that he is manipulating you in the most vile manor. Its not okay and neither is he your friend. It makes me so angry that this vole man has this patter to perfection. He knows exactly what to say to make you feel this all okay, it is NOT!Mark
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Listen to Mark's post.
HE is grooming you. No he doesn't LOVE you, but he would LOVE to get you naked (and so forth).
He is MARRIED with children. YOU are a young girl and HIS student. YOU should be off limits. He shouldn't even be texting you. It's INAPPROPRIATE.
I understand you do not want to involve your parents, but you NEED to, the next girl might be 12... and a little more naive then you. She might not question his words like you do. YOU understand that ?
He most likely won't go behind bars for this, but he might not be allowed to teach - WHICH I might add is a good thing.
YOU need to do the right thing. And that is - TELL your parents that you don't feel comfortable with this man. He might be nice, but what he is doing IS NOT NICE.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): I can only second what Mark has so strongly put forward. Tell someone! He is grooming you for sex, he may well also be grooming others he finds vulnerable/susceptible to him and he may well have already raped a child. You could be raped. PLEASE. TELL your parents!!!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 June 2014):
 You posted on here earlier. Maybe two weeks ago. It's alarming because you have opted not to do anything about this situation yet and it's only getting worse. You need to report this creep. You think he's nice but he's not. The fact that you know if you tell your parents, he will get into trouble, ought to be reinforcing enough to show that you KNOW what he's doing is wrong.
Do something about it, please.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (6 June 2014):
to add to what I just wrote...
YOU wont be hurting anyone or causing any of this. If he gets in trouble that's HIS fault and his fault alone.HE is to blame. If I groomed an underage girl and tried to use her for sex and she reported me, who is the bad person? The innocent child I tried to rape? Or me?
He may make you feel sorry for him, or even make you feel you shouldn't report him for being in love with you but that's what these men do. They use the pathertic excuse of eing in love to manipulate and make it feel bad to speak out.
Mark
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (6 June 2014):
"i can't tell my parents they would sew him and he could be behind bars and i dont want that because he is actually a nice person , i just dont know what he is doing."
He is grooming you. That is what he is doing. He is taking advantage of his position to groom a vulnerable young person for sex. He may claim he loves you but that's becasue he wants to make you feel the two of you have something special, to gain your trust, when in fact he is trying to use you for sex.
He is NOT a nice person. NO WAY!! He may act nice to you because he wants something, but it is never nice when a grown man tells an underage girl that he loves her. Its illegal, immoral and part of the grooming process. Im sure his wife and kids would be devastated if they know what he was doing.
YOU MUST TELL YOUR PARENTS!!! if he gets sued or ends up in jail then at least it stops this man form taking advantage of innocent underage girls.
You have posted this question before and I told you the same thing then. Basically you want someone to tell you what you want to hear - that this amazing guy really loves you. He doesn't.
He is manipulating you, touching you inappropriately and playing mind games to get you into bed. He is a paedophile. You must report this.
You like him because he makes you feel special, makes you feel mature and he is flirting in a way nobody else ever has...that's how these men manipulate girls like you. You say you don't understand - that's the point. He is taking advantage of your innocence.
Heres a hypothetical situation - what if you had a sister whos teacher was behaving this way towards her? Would you like her to be groomed for sex? Have her innocence taken advantage of by a teacher who should be teaching her professionally, not grooming her for sex?
Tell your parents....he knows damn fucking well what he is doing is wrong. NO WAY would this EVER be innocent. if he gets in trouble tough - he has brought this upon himself. he may continue to do this for years to come with other young girls.
There are other young women out there he, and men like him, have manipulated for sex. They feel ashamed, dirty, worthless, maybe even suicidal over what men like him do to them. He probably became a teacher to get closer to children for his perverted pleasures.
You know what he is doing, you know its wrong and you know this is very, very serious. You need to have the courage to tell your parents...unless you want to be a victim of a child molester?
Mark
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