A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So i have been dating this guy online for about 2 months.. We knew eachother a long time ago via facebook. There was a break in the middle and we started talking again. And few months ago he told me he wanted something more than plain friendship and we began dating. My problem here is this guy won't video chat with me. I asked for his skype id and he gave it to me but he always makes excuses when I ask him to video chat with me. Things are otherwise great between us. We text,chat and talk over the phone for long hours.. I don't know why he is doing that. I am really confused. Please help. P.S. We live in different time zones so our schedules are entirely opposite and also we are meeting this june.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Start with an audio chat over Skype? And then once he feels ok with that, do video. If he can't do that either I would start to worry that he is no who he claims to be.
I would NOT meet some (almost( random guy of the internet if he can't even video chat. It's not like you are asking him to sit there naked, just to chat.
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 There could be a multitude of reasons. It's not necessary that he's fake or not who he says he is. That IS a possibility, but doesn't have to be that way. He could just be someone like me, who doesn't like video chatting, for no particular reason. I much prefer to use the phone and I find it boring to have to sit in front of the computer with a microphone and earphones and go through all that. He could be the same. The other reason could be that he's not comfortable with his appearance and has low self-esteem. Maybe he's overweight or he's got a scar on his face, or he wants to hide this huge zit on his nose.Maybe he can't afford a webcam or he doesn't have one and feels embarrassed about telling you so.The third possibility is what the other agony aunts pointed out so well...that he's not who he says he is. Now don't get all paranoid. Make a deal with him. Tell him to video chat with you just once and if he doesn't like it, to just use the phone from then onwards. Try to make him show himself to you once.If he has a smartphone, ask him to send you photographs or videos of him. What I mean is, tell him to send you a picture and ask him to do it immediately. He clicks himself, wherever he is, and sends it to you through a multimedia message. It's instant. It would need a lot of elaborate deception to fake that one.I do think it's nothing that sinister. It will turn out fine, okay? Don't worry!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. I guess I have to talk to him clearly about this. Thank you again..
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): I'm confused!!! Didn you say this,"And few months ago he told me he wanted something more than plain friendship and we began dating." Then later you said, "We live in different time zones so our schedules are entirely opposite and also we are meeting this june."So now, have you met this person or not?It's hard to really comment when you're not sure what the OP means. However, the best and worst part of being online is that anyone can be anyone at anytime. Just because the face on the avi is a guy or a girl doesn't mean that the person you're typing with. Your cybermate could well be a lesbian, or a 12 year old boy. And please don't go by voices. We all know women who sound like men and men who sound like women. There is a definite reason this oh so good sweetheart of yours doen't want to show his face. And my dear, when he does show his face that doesn't mean that the person you were typing with all along. A face on FB is just that, a face. This guy could be in prison. You do know that prisoners have access to computers, right? You know that right? May I ask what state your friend lives in?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (20 May 2012):
Have you actually ever seen in him in person before? If not, he may have posted pictures that weren't of him on FB and now that you want to skype with him, he doesn't want you to see how he really looks. It's easy for people to live in a fantasy land and make up this persona of what they wish they actually were or what someone else might find appealing. You should just outright question him and if he still refuses then dump him.
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female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Hey I know right now all these long talks with him has blind sided you and you may thing wow I might have found my man,but please be careful..first off I think you shldnt take this any further unless you know who he is and what he is hiding behind the computer..I know u would think it would be rude to tell him that now that you have spoken to him for this long and decided to meet but its better now than never or u'l regret..just telling its been soo long since u guys are talking and the chemistry is definitely growing and you would really like to see him over skype and see what he is like,if he just hiding cuz he is embrassed or not confident abt his appearance just assure him that u like him and he being an extra pound or bald is not going to change that..tell him he has to help you take one step ahead in this relationship if he still doesn't agree then I think if I were you I would back off..I hope it works out for you x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): he is fake. stay away..be careul.
for all you know he might be married , he might be an old man, god knows who or what he is.dont get attached to this fella.
please go out and start dating people in your timezone and plane ..!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Obviously, he has something to hide. Who can guess?
I would step away from the computer and phone for a while and get reacquainted with people in RL. Perhaps he will realize that you need some honesty from him.
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male
reader, adamskidude  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Sounds scary, don't meet him alone.
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male
reader, xgod +, writes (20 May 2012):
 It might be simply that he is - like myself - embarrassed by either his appearance or the possible mess of things behind him when he is on video chat. I had skype installed on my PC and never used it for video chat. Other than insecurity about being on video chat visually, IDK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Hi,I dont ever want to scare you but I have heard of similar accounts like this and it all resulted in the person not being entirely who they claim to be. Video chat is an important part of internet dating, it is also a way of seeing them face to face and being SURE that they are the person they claim to be in the photos.The excuses have happened to a friend I know, she would talk to a certain man and text him all day every day and grew suspicious of all the reasons that over a period of months that he could not skype. It turned out he was not the person in the photos and not the age he claimed to be.When a person is hiding something, it is for a reason, and while you need to be vigilant on the internet, I would say be extra vigilant with this man. Your gut is saying there is no reason that he cant video chat with you unless hes hiding something about himself. I would not meet him until he video chats with you, just for your own peace of mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): He doesn't really sound that interested in you. He may have someone else and is just leading you on for when he doesn;t have someone. Is he coming to see you or are you going to where he is for this meeting in June? I could be wrong, but I suggest you say to him that you would feel more comfortable meeting in person if you had video chatted with each other, or at least spoken on the phone together beforehand. Be careful because it is odd behavior, and my friend was just in that situation with a guy she was supposedly dating. After a few months of putting up with it, she found out he actually had a girlfriend which is why he wouldn't video chat, in case he got caught. As I said I could be wrong, it may be he doesn't have a webcam and is embarrassed to say he doesn't, but it is weird if he was really interested in you, I would think he would love to video chat with you.
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