A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, well this is slightly embarressingi'm 16 years old, and am sleeping with a guy who's 21. he treats me so well and well yeah, you get the jist. we started getting together when i was 15, and he didnt want me to tell anyone because of the age, but now im 16 he still doesnt tell anyone. we've been sleeping together for about 6 weeks now and seeing each other for about 3 months. he's going back to uni in september, but i know i can trust him. the only thing is i don't understand why he wont tell anyone about me. he wont even say we are in a relationship either, he says he thinks a lot of me. all my friends think he is using me as a shagg buddy but when u brought this up with him he told me he likes me too much for that. is this what boys are like. because i didn't think age matters really, and if your happy your friends and family should be happy for you?i just need some advice on what to do... ive tried speaking to him about it but he just says 'let time so its thing'what would you do in this situaation'i will be greatfull of any comments Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): hey hunnn,
well i have myself been in a similar position
i was 16 when i started seeing a 21 year old
and we were i a similar position
although we waited 5 months until having sex
i got sick of the secrets and made myself involved in his life, it came down to the fact not that he was ashamed of me, but he had had an incindent with his friends coming onto his girls
and once I made it clear that i was only interested in my guy, we became much more involved within each others lives.
i am now very good friends with his friends and we share a very good relationship the 13th was our 1 year
so my advice to you is, see whether he has an issue with his friends, if not move on, as hard as it is, because your too young to have the pressure of a guy drilling ur life they way he sounds to be. and if it is the case of he is "using you"
make everyone aware of what he has done
cos it isnt fairrr
hope this helpedd
xoxo
take care darllz
A
female
reader, Milana  +, writes (17 August 2008):
I'm assuming if no one knows about you, then you don't go out in public together. What is it that you two really do other than have sex and maybe talk on the phone? He could have another girlfriend that he tells the exact same thing to and is keeping you both in the closet. It will never work out if it's not known. Your parents could find out what's been going on and demand you stop seeing him or have him arrested(don't know about legalities there). If this was meant to work it would have be different from the start. What is that old cliche', oh yes, a relationship is based on honesty.
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A
female
reader, kelly hunter +, writes (16 August 2008):
 well maybe he does love you but just doesn't want to tell people about the relationship until your older as they might think of him as a perv.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Thanks Artistry for that reminder. The law in the UK has recently changed. If he was having sex with you when you were 15 then he could be charged under the new offence of "grooming". He can be charged with this offence and sent to jail anytime before you reach the age of 17years. Maybe he knows this and that's why he won't committ to you just yet. But if he had sex with you whilst you were 15, then he's a "pedophile" and the law will see him as such. I don't think this guy means you any good.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (15 August 2008):
 Hi, I am going to mention something that maybe in your country is very different, but in this country, there is something called statutory rape. What that means is that in some states it is against the law to have sex with a female who is under 18, if the male is over 18. It is a diproportionate relationship, in other words, does the female under 18 even know what she if getting into withn this older man. Now it could be different in your country, i would find out what the law is. If it has no bearing, then go for yourself. But this is no thing about this situation, as everyone else has mentioned, you are being used, if he can't introduce you to his friends and is hiding you in the background, sounds like he is ashamed, no more sex. Don't let him use and abuse you. Stick up for yourself, you are worthy of respect. I would also find someone closer to my age, what do the two of you talk
about? There is not that much of a difference in numbers, but the time span in experience could be enomorus. So, since he can't bring you out on his arm, in the daylight so to speak, no more comng to your bed late at night. Please let him go somewhere else. Be too busy all the time.
Take care of yourself, and please learn to be your very own best friend.
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (15 August 2008):
 I'm really sorry, but you should break it off with this guy. This is exactly why people don't approve of relationships like this! He's using you and you're too young and naive to know it. :-( Age doesn't matter if those involved are 20 and 25, or even 25 and 45, but in your case, you are being used. You can't trust someone based on what they say to you, you need to trust someone based on their actions. His actions have made it clear to your friends that he is using you, and you should listen to them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): I agree that you should cut off the sex. You are a little too young for him now, but in a couple years, maybe he will still be interested.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): "He wont even say we are in a relationship either"... there is your answer right there... You are not in a relationship, your friends are right. No matter how good he treats you, no matter good you feel. No relationship, means your not boyfriend and girlfriend, he has no committment to you and could leave you, or sleep with anyone else at anytime. At 21 he knows the difference between a relationship and having sex with a girl you like. He wants to keep his options open, so he keeps you secret and hides you away. Yes, without a relationship title, you are a "shagg buddy", no matter what lies or stories he tells you. If he really liked you, then he would call you his girlfriend and you would have no problems at all.
You want your friends and family to be happy for you, why should they, they know this is very disrespectfull to you and to them. In your situation, I would tell him I want to be his girlfriend, and expect to be introduced as such. No relationship, no sex, that's my moto, it saves a lot of heartache and abuse. Stop having sex with him and see what he does. When he makes you his girlfriend then you can start having sex again.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 August 2008):
 I'd probably listen to my friends, and cut off the sex for a bit, to see how he reacts. If he drops you right away, yes, he was just into you for the sex. If he starts treating you as a proper boyfriend would, then you'll know. If he spends hours trying to get you back into bed, well, you get the idea.
He may be embarassed to have been dating a 15 year old girl, and that his friends and family will find out and think that he's robbing the cradle. There is a lot of growing up that happens between 15 and 21, trust me. It is also possible that he has a girlfriend at uni and doesn't want her to find out about his summer fling. There are loads of possibilities. All you can do is to keep your eyes open and don't let yourself be treated as a plaything.
Please tell me that you've been using condoms and that you understand the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
I hope it all turns out for the best.
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