A
female
age
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*unset1010
writes:I am a sexually assertive woman who is concerned that my boyfriend does not initiate sex or tell me what he wants. I enjoy sex and BJs and like to start the day with a BJ but it is always me initiating sex - sometimes I feel like I am bothering him. While the sex is great, I would like for him to initiate once in a while? Also, how can I get him to open up and tell me what he likes? He says I am the best, but he is not specific about what he likes in terms of technique and I want to please him. Any ideas? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LotusDomme  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 It would seem to me that he is extremely happy in his submissive role to you and as you have stated you are a sexually assertive woman and so where is the problem?He isn't specific about what he likes because he is more than content to let you be the 'dominant'.In My experience, most men if they really disliked something would have no problem saying so, even if they were submissive.The odds are he is just completely revelling in your assertiveness and is happy for you to continue to be so. Have you thought of it this way...... Perhaps he is vague because he sees you asking him about how he likes to have things done as you being subservient to him and this conflicts with his submissive nature?Try one evening buying a pvc/leather fetish outfit, a pair of killer high heels and a crop..... dress up, call him to the bedroom... gauge his reaction by his facial expression. Mu guess is he'll love it!Good luck!LotusDomme.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Use him as a lab rat lol. Whilst you are doing things to him just ask him if he likes it, ... if this (alter it slightly) feels nicer, .... if he prefers one action to another, ... how about x, etc, etc, ....and just get all the info out of him that way. That is pretty much what I did to my guy initially and just being questioned actually made him comfortable with now saying things himself, asking for slight adjustments, etc, ... and also with just asking me things, ...so that problem got solved.
The initiating it bit is probably going to be harder to tackle. I too am the more assertive one in my relationship, and yep, can't help myself most mornings with the BJ's not that he is ever complaining(I've started calling my man 'chupa chup' - lollipop brand lol) but he does at least initiate 30% of the time (oh and any time I have my back to him in bed, ..it's like he goes 'uh-oh' if I am not pouncing him and pounces me instead lol) which I can live with - esp coz he does at least bail me up unexpectedly at really random times and places, makes 'special requests' in advance, etc, which is nice. Never doing it would probably hurt my feelings and make me withdraw tho, so I sympathize with you on that one.
Not sure if it would work, bit of a gamble that could back fire, but I just tell my guy straight out he is being a 'lazy F#@&' if it is tipping a bit too one sided for my liking, and that always makes him apologize and get his butt in to gear, ...tho it does slide at times, (which is admittedly a lot my fault coz I love pouncing him which I suppose don't give him a lot of opportunity to get in first lol) , ...but in any case, an occassional reminder now and then and he makes an extra effort.
Could peeve another guy off tho if they felt like demands were being made or they were being criticized instead of taking it on board and aiming to fix it. You'll have to judge how much is ok to be straight about with your guy.
Good Luck with it :-)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 April 2010):
They always say that in a relationship, there is an a more dominant partner and a more submissive partner. I'm kind of in the same position as your boyfriend with my girlfriend. She's older and assertive, whereas I'm a bit shy at times and I actually like her that much I always feel a bit bad if I ask her! So maybe your boyfriend is a little like me in that he's just shy. One thing I can promise is that he enjoys it. The best thing to do if you want him to initiate it sometimes is to explain gently that you would like it if he initiated. He wont' understand anything unless you tell him. But I'm sure you do please him, if you're worried about that at all.
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