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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Why won't a married man give up his long time mistress EVEN when their affair is in danger of being exposed to the world and to his wife? For example: Some people in their work place are starting to become suspicious. But he still won't leave his mistress of 3 years.
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 There could be many reasons but here are a few:
1. To leave his wife would be far more expensive than staying with her.
2. He loves his wife/family and is only using the mistress for sex.
3. His wife doesn't know and he is stupid enough to think she'll never find out.
4. The man and wife have some sort of unspoken agreement that he can cheat. "Ask no questions, tell no lies" kind of thing.
My friend was a mistress for 7 years. The man's wife knew about it and put up with it because she knew he would never leave her. My friend FINALLY got smart after getting pregnant and he STILL wouldn't leave his wife. I hope whoever you are referring to gets smart. Mistresses very seldom become the next wife and as soon as they have been used up, the man moves on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Why don't I stop eating bagels even though I know they are bad for me and make me fat and give me heartburn?
BECAUSE THEY TASTE GOOD.
He's getting more from her than he would without out her.
Also many wives look the other way no matter what.
clearly he is not leaving his wife for the mistress or the mistress for the wife, why should he, probably both know about and accept the other which is very common in old school wealthy families.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2016): If the coworkers figured it out then I agree the wife knows. They probably all don't want to split because of financial reasons.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2016): One possibility that hasn't been mentioned but it's a possibility nonetheless is that he loves his mistress.Some men do love their mistresses. A good sign is the fact the affair has been long term. Most men seeking sex only do not stay with one woman for years.And it is possible for a man to have genuine feelings for his girlfriend or lover and still never leave his wife due to all the obvious reasons.In order to leave the wife, the mistress must make the bold move and leave her married lover. He may need to lose her to realize how much she means to him. Also, the wife may be completely blind to the affair and have her head in the sand. He may be very good at hiding the affair. And even if she sees red flags, likely she will dismiss them because she has no concrete proof. And it is easier to dismiss suspicions than to confront the truth for some people.I should also mention that not all married men replace their mistress. No two cheating men are alike.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (2 May 2016):
 It could be lot of reasons, but one thing for sure that will have him dump his mistress is if the mistress stops having sex with him. So, while all the reasons are different as to why he keeps being attached to his wife, there is only but one reason he is attached to the mistress, and that is sex.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Why some people keep smoking a pack of cigarettes a day or drinking a bottle of vodka a day even knowing fully well that it will have consequences for their health, ,maybe even fatal consequences ?....
Why some people keep driving well beyond the speed limit even when they are aware of all the car accidents cause by excessive speed ?....
Because somewhat we are all more or less wired to think that bad stuff only happens to " other people ": accidents, illnesses, financial disasters, broken families....
Particularly when we get tangible, immediate gratification from our transgressive behaviour. It's like the brain knows " uh-oh, that's risky, you should stop " but the senses say " naaah.... not yet... I can still get away with this one more time ". And in general the "smaller head ", as the other poster calls it, wins hands down against prudence and discretion.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2016): Why won't a mistress and muster up the pride, dignity and self-respect required to give up her longtime married lover when it's become obvious that he has no intention of ever leaving his wife and is just stringing his mistress along because she's always available for a quick and easy lay, strictly for his pleasure and strictly at his convenience?
I agree that it's very possible that his wife already knows or strongly suspects but is willing to look the other way as long as he's discreet because remaining married to a philanderer is her least objectionable alternative, and she might even be relieved to no longer have to fulfill her wifely obligations.
What is going to happen when he won't leave his mistress of 20 years, or he trades her in for a younger model?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Is it possible the wife already knows or strongly suspects, and turns a blind eye rather than trade the security of married life for the uncertainty of divorce?
There's also the chance that the man is simply thinking with the same (smaller) head that led him to have the affair in the first place.
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