A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: why would my gf of 4 yrs.not tell me about her talking to her old bf? then i found out she met him for dinner and are now just friends.we were planning to get married,but the trust thing just went out the window.help! we love each other so much.she was afraid to tell me.is this ok? what she did?
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 This is a very delicate situation, I honestly think it is not ok for her to do that. However, I would not run to any conclusions either!
Sometimes, and more so if you have been talking marriage, one can start to wonder what would have been if... you know what I mean? Like, what would have happened if the stayed with the ex, or... what would have happened if she drank a Cuba Libre instead of a Long Island... I think is a natural process that a lot of people go through. However, if she cannot be sincere with you in those times, there is something bound to go wrong in the future and that is why you need to address this ASAP.
The truth is no one can tell you what is right or wrong in your situation. You need to figure that out by yourself. Talk to her, see what happened when they met, how she felt, what was her motivation to go there, what did she expect from the meeting, does she want to try to have a relationship with someone else, is she sure she wants to get married, how can you stop this from happening again, why didn't she come to you in the first place? These are questions that should give you a pretty good idea to where to go next.
Best of lucks!
A
male
reader, rproctor +, writes (19 May 2008):
Why would she feel the need to hang out with an x bf? And what would give her the right to go behind your back? She is lieing, because lying by omission is still lying. My guess is that she is unhappy in her current relationship if she, after 4 years of being with you, decides to go behind your back and see her x bf. She seems non trust worthy... If I were you, I would probably flipped out...
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Did you think that she might have thought you might have had a jealous reaction to it... and possibly didn't want to risk that? Maybe you two need to have a chat about it... another thing to consider that from her past, somebody less understanding might have reacted poorly and she didn't want to risk the same with you...
Just some food for thought... either way, you two need to chat about it, IMO.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Ask her why she didn't tell you.
She could have been afraid that you wouldn't trust her and that you would break up with her. But your relationship should be more important to her than a friendship with her ex boyfriend.
Maybe she had some issues that she needed to work through with him.
It sounds like you really need to talk to her and work on regaining your trust for her. If you both love oneanother than she should understand and support you through this fear.
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