A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What is it with guys who come on so strong in the beginning, pursue you like crazy, get your hopes up so much and then just drop you like you never mattered at all?I met someone online and I seriously thought he had a lot of potential. The first date was amazing, we just seemed to click. He then went away on business but messaged me daily, sent me photos of where he was, and called me three times a week and we talked for hours. He talked of wanting to settle down, have kids, do this and that. He told me I’m great, exactly what he’s looking for, how I make him happy and all that. He then returned, we went out and two days later he dumped me (by text message) saying what happened between us freaked him out, he’s got emotional baggage and isn’t ready to start a relationship yet. I didn’t call him or anything to ask for an explanation as I knew he wouldn’t give me one. He’s back online and looking so I know the whole not ready was an excuse.Now, I realize that I was naive to believe the lines he was feeding me and that perhaps I should have known that he wasn’t genuine. I did wonder whether he was just infatuated but I hoped that maybe, just maybe, he was actually feeling all those things.What I want to know is why they do this? Are they genuine at the time but then they come down to earth and realize they don’t actually like you? Or is the whole thing just a game? I never slept with this guy and I told him on the first date that I don’t sleep around. I thought if sex was all he was after he wouldn’t have bothered spending hours on the phone with me having deep conversations. As for what I did, I never brought up the marriage/kids talk, I never told him that I was crazy about him, I never even asked for a relationship, so I can’t say I was clingy or needy or put any demands on him. I was just reciprocating his interest as you would do normally and going with the flow.I want to know why he was so into me and pursued me so intensely and then just dropped me out of nowhere?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, applebite8821  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 Yes, I think OzBloke is right. It doesn't just happen to women but to men as well.
On my side, I have seen guys who do that to girls but equally, girls have done that too. There is no universal rule to that.
Something we can be certain about is the feelings of each individual. If a person is so into you, he/she will go to great lengths to be with you. But if not, it means..he's just not that into you.
Whatever actions he did before in pursuing you could be that he was just carried away with his feelings of infatuation. Infatuation doesn't last forever, so the true feelings will always surface. For your guy, he probably reached that stage after infatuation.
One aunt here said something about characteristics of people which I find true especially to guys. The person who pursues you so dramatically and is so quick is mostly the one who will lose his feelings so quickly too. For me, I am rarely impressed by guys like this who have just known you for a week and they make you feel like they will catch the moon for you. They turn me off. How could they tell me they love me so much when they hardly even know me yet?
Just charge this to experience and next time, you know what to do...Best of luck.
A
male
reader, OzBloke +, writes (25 September 2009):
Just to put my little bit in here, women do this too!
I was seeing a school teacher (not a teacher of my children or their school), and our relationship hit it off immediately. We were very in to each other and when we weren't together we'd spend 6 hours a night on the phone. This went on for months. We discussed marriage, a baby and buying a house together.
One night I was staying at her house and after we'd finished dinner her son & I were playing games together in the lounge room. My partner and her friend took off to the friends' place for drinks.
A couple of hours later they came back, drunk, driving under the influence. They picked me up and took me home. I've never seen or heard from her since.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Ask oldersister - thank you so much, that answer has really made me put this whole thing into perspective
pinktopaz - I did respond to him with a text message telling him that I was surprised at his decision but that I respect it, and that if he wants to he can call me. I never heard back from him so I didn't call/text/email after that
thanks girls :)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 September 2009):
That is a question that many of us women wonder, but there's guys that think that too. I wish I could give you an answer, I don't know what's going through his head--he could have been being honest and he didn't hear any sort of response from you so he assumed you didn't care. Or he's one of those losers that likes to chase and when he thinks he has you he loses interest.
I don't think there's any way to understand the male brain, they say they're simple--but no, they're not. I've gone on dates with guys, never heard from them again, and I run into them somewhere and they're all over me and ask me, "Why didn't you call me? I wanted to see you again." What? If you wanted to see me again then why didn't you pick up the phone you idiot? They make no sense.
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