A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I always fantasized about anal sex, and my wife used to give me a little anal, which kept me happy. But things have changed and I don't know what to do.Lets go back in history.Before our marriage, she told me that she wanted to save her vaginal virginity for the wedding night. I agreed with her. Later, she asked me if I needed sex and I said it would be nice. She recommended that we tried anal (I guess some of her friends were doing it). One night while we were naked she asked if I wanted to try and I said yes. I went inside quite easily. I kept asking her if she was ok and she said just do it. I pumped for a few minutes and finished inside her. She was quiet all the time. . We didn't talk about it that night. Next time we met, she asked if I enjoyed it and I said yes. She said let's get a bottle of lubricant and keep doing it. We did it like 50 times before marriage. It was always comfortable and clean. The only thing she asked me was not to last longer than 2-3 minutes.When de married, we didn't do anal for a while. Then one day I asked for it and she said yes. To my surprise, it hurt as soon as I started to push in. I was gentle like always. I stopped and pulled out and tried again and stopped and pulled out again. It didn't work. In the next few months, we tried a few more times. Sometimes it hurt a lot and we had to stop, sometimes it hurt a little and I had the chance to do it for a minute or so. And most of the time, it got messy.We gave up for a few years. Then I asked again. Her answer is still yes. But she demands me to prepare her properly so that she gets relaxed and loose. I lick her anus and I see that she moves her body involutarily while I do it. I massage her anus with my tongue or fingertips. Then I try to push my tongue into her which she likes. But when I try to finger her, she contracts her rectum and cannot relax. Sometimes I have to give up after a few tries. Sometimes I get lucky and she says she's ready. But I still notice that she's not comfortable.I don't know what has changed. Why she was so comfortable and clean before marriage, but uncofortable and messy now? Why I can't prepare her? What is the aunts' point of view on this? And what do you do for preparation?
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anal sex, last longer, lubricant, vagina, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Sorry anon, my advice was sharp, I like cindycares didn't really believe your story. We get things wrong sometimes like many human beings. Glad you came back and explained, and don't feel ashamed, this is a sex and relationship site, we have heard everything.I feel you have been given the right advice, even if the manner wasn't the best. You need to make sure she really likes anal sex, a lot of women pretend they do just to keep a man happy. Then because it's been a very long time, you have to be patient and take it slow. Since you and your wife don't seem to mind sex toys, you can get a very small one and use that (with lubricant, very slowly) Then the next time get a slightly larger one and work up to anal sex that way.As I said, it really is best to talk to your wife about this. Work together. She knows how to do it, she is suffering the pain. She knows how quickly or far she can go. Don't try to do it all in one day. Hopefully one of our other aunts or uncles who are more expert at anal sex will come along and give you better advice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo @CindyCares: I am real and my story is real. I already feel so embarassed and humiliated for sharing my life with people on the Internet. I wanna die now.
To @Miamine: She might be anally active before me. The first time I saw her anus, it looked a bit big and deformed, but now it's tiny and normal. In my culture, keeping that little curtain in your vagina (I don't know it's english name) is a must, so anal sex is more common among unmarried girls. She might be just using a toy, Or maybe it was a man or many men. It's none of my business, she has been all mine since we married. The question is, if she enjoyed anal with other men (or toys), why doesn't she enjoy it with me anymore?
To @Honeypie: Yes she may did it to please me. I have seen many posts on this website, where the girls claim that the anal sex feels good to them because they know their partner enjoys it, and they (girls) take pleasure by giving pleasure. So I guess there is nothing wrong about that.
Thank you everone. I'd really appreciate to hear more from you nice people.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 I honestly think she did it to please and keep you (prior to marriage) and I agree with Auntie Miamine, having anal sex doesn't mean you are a "virgin" per say.
If she "pucker up" it's because she isn't relaxing and/or enjoying it.
I'm thinking she is still trying to please you.
And Maybe auntie Cindycares is right lol
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 February 2012):
Disagree lady cares, elements of truth in there somewhere.
Your wife wasn't a virgin, she'd been having anal sex for a long time with some other guy. For some reason she thought that if she didn't have vaginal sex, she remains a virgin. Nope, anal sex is still sex, and for you to slide in so easy, without any pain, without any lubricant, she was having a lot of if it, and it was probably very soon before her and you got intimate.
When she stopped having anal sex, then her body returned to it's natural state, tight and unopened again, and thus when you tried it, it didn't just slide in, it was if she'd never done it before, and so she got pain, it hurts, and as you say it is messy.
Treat her like the anal virgin she never was. That means, long hours of preparation, probably give her plenty of orgasms before hand. Go slowly, very, slowly and use tons of lubricant... sigh, I'm not really sure how to do the anal sex thing, because the pain issue and mess just turns me off. Same with women who haven't had penetrative sex in a long time, they can't just jump back into the bedroom, everything has to be done gentle and slow, with lots of preparation and arousal, or they can be dry, tight and hurt again.
Ask your wife, she's the expert on anal sex, not really me. She knows how she first found it enjoyable, she can tell you what she needs to make it enjoyable again.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 This Aunt 's point of view is that we got ourselves ...another wanna-be erotic fiction writer. ( To express the concept diplomatically ,because there are other definitions too ).
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