A
female
age
41-50,
lija30
writes:You can only hold hands for so long and then its time to get down to business. A lot of women serve as the problem with sex in the marriage. The only thing they focus on is the wedding, the family , and not the husband. Its like big poppa comes last and everything else comes first. A lot of magazine Martha Stewart women think that it is selfish for a man to have sexual needs during the marriage. This so called act of selfishness is just away of a woman escaping the sexual bond between her and the husband. Beyond the outings to Home Depot and the baby wipes men need attention. Denying them this one little thing have have serious consequences. In love it is all about give and take. Of course he knows you are busy and he has had a hard day to but don't forget he is there with you. You are not a single mother doing everything all by yourself. Some women are so against sex in marriage it becomes so obvious that the man starts to feel not needed. One thing that women are scared of is being intimate. They will use the kid card to keep from having sex. It could be because their body has changed or they simply don't know how to have enjoyable sex. There are so many women out there in twenty five year marriages and don't know how to please their man. These women are still content with doing things missionary and are scared to explore their bodies. Do not look for them to tell you this because all they will do is return the issue back on you like you are some sexual pig. These women are scared to lose their self in a sexual experience with their man. This is because they are not comfortable in their own body. Men it is up to you to make your women feel like her body is just as pretty as Angelina Jolie. When you do this she will open her body up to you like never before.The first thing for the man to do is to take away some of her daily responsibilities. Find interesting things for the kids to do to keep them busy. Hire a baby sitter to break up her routine, so she can have time for you. Sex is very important in marriage and not talking about what you want or desire doesn't help. When you say I do, that means there is a love and bond that should be shared together.
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female
reader, lija30 +, writes (16 January 2011):
lija30 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I wrote this article to tell women that they need to do more to have a good sex life in the relationship.What the man has to do is like minor its nothing for them to wipe out a busy moms schedule so they can get down to business.My article said nothing about having to build your woman's self esteem from bottom up. Since you think that men have sex with their women even when they are not interested women do the same thing too. Matter of fact we do it 89 percent of the time have sex and dont want to. But that only last so long and people start creeping out the relationship to be with others. So the thing is stop lying to each other about your weak sex and fix it. Men never do enough to secure the relationship all they do is complain about what they not getting to their friends. After what most women go through in a day just to be a woman i think that men should pay a little more attention thats all i am saying. We have more work to do than any man on any day. I don't even like a man that is going to lie to me about being fat or whatever, just tell the truth. Women should never say do i look good in this? Thats a self esteem and confidence problem, never look to a man to boost your ego anyway. The article is just telling women what they need to do and to drop the apron and get to the love part quick.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Would all of you say that a man who rejects his female parter, who offers and asks for more sex in a relationship, does not love her?In my relationship the roles described here are reversed. I would never reject my partner but I have very often been. I think it does not depend on the gender but on the relationship.I know how it can hurt to be rejected sexually by the one you love. I urge you all, male, female, be more giving with your love. It is the most precious, wonderful thing you can share with someone. Be present and there for your partner. If you can't do that, move on. Let that person find someone who will love them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Being out in public, obviously you cant have sex. However being close like kisses and holding each other, hugs and holding hands. Are other ways too. Infront of friends or family doing that... I find that meaningful. It shows that two people love so much they are not afraid to prove that :)
Any relationship needs that closeness to one another. That moment were your together and your heart beats uncontrolably.
xoxo
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Your article is wrong. Men should not be the ones who need to boost a woman's self esteem. That is something they need to work on if it is low. I'm not saying that if she feels fat and says it to her man as a reason for not wanting to have sex that he shouldn't say "no, honey. You're not fat. You're beautiful" or whatever fits. You just seem to be saying that women need to open up more sexually, but then to do this the man needs to help her raise her self esteem. So, which is it? Women need to open up more sexually and realize they are beautiful creatures, or men need to raise their self esteem in order for them to open up sexually?Also, to Ampersand...do you not realize that a man that loves you will have sex with you even though he may not be in the mood? Sure, he will probably still enjoy it, and he may even cum. But, he wasn't really in the mood in the first place. He loves you, so therefore he thought he would make sure you got the pleasure you deserve. Why do you feel like you should not reciprocate? You should have a quickie here and there, even if you're not in the mood, to satisfy your man. After it's started, just say that you masturbated already so you might not cum and let him do his thing while you enjoy the way he feels. It just seems selfish otherwise. I rarely say no to my man, even if I'm not in the mood. I still enjoy it so what is there to complain about?
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A
female
reader, Angela Switzer +, writes (9 January 2011):
Holding hands is the most intimate way of letting your partner know that you love them. Why be shy about it in public or any where else..come on now he is your partner. Love him for who is today and stop the gossip with your drama queen friends. Show some respect!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): I just strongly believe sex is a part of love. Its showing your partner how much you love him or her.Doing whatever it is as long as he or she is happy and your comfortable with it.Even if i was tired, id be willing to because i love him. I am not married nor has had sex but, i would.
Actually if i really think of it. Its almost like if there is a sexless relationship, you sort of have a broken key. Y'know... the "key" to a relationship is blankity blank (passion, communicating, working stuff out etc etc)
Xoxo
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A
female
reader, lija30 +, writes (4 January 2011):
lija30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the guys just have to be more open and in touch with their passionate side to get what they want out of a woman. Women are such simple romantics it doesnt take a lot to get them wet,hot , and ready *wink*......all it takes is a little imagination on both parts to bring more sex in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (4 January 2011):
 You start by encouraging women to be more open, to try to be sexual and to stop looking for excused, but you finish by placing all the blame and emphasis on men and how men can be more caring, more complimentary, do more around the house. Sadly, that seldom actually works. One needn't follow DearCupid for long before seeing dozens of men who do all that, lavish their women with praises, take care of the kids, do the housekeeping, cook, show patience and love and tenderness and yet have not had any sexual encounter, even missionary, in years or decades. While it would be marvelous if relationships were better able to develop a more balanced and significant sexual relationship (and both men and women are guilty of holding out on their partners), but it's usually all but impossible to turn the tide after years of little to no contact. That's why it's so important to marry someone that's compatible in the first place.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (3 January 2011):
 I think you've hit on the female half of the problem very well - a lack of respect for their vows and obligations. And you are correct, lack of sex in a marriage is terrible, especially for guys. A lot of poorly-informed guys sign up for marriage simply because they falsely believe it'll mean sex on demand.
Still, the male half of the problem needs to be covered as well. Guys have a very unfortunate tendency to lapse into lazy, unattractive behavior after they've been with a girl for a while - whether in or out of marriage. We get comfortable, and stop doing the things that attracted a woman in the first place.
Women cut their hair off, men stop shaving. Women stop being sexual, men stop being dominant. Women stop respecting their man's physical needs, guys stop teasing and playing with their woman.
Certainly, married women need to respond sometimes when the guy wants sex, even if they're not in the mood. They need to be up for quickies, especially if they don't want him looking at porn. But men can't forget their responsibility to turn the wife on. Be a leader outside the bedroom - listen to her input, but make the final decision. Refuse to give up the things that make us happy, like motorcycles and rock climbing. Chicks dig that stuff.
I think if more women thought the way you do here, more men would meet their own obligations. Good article.
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