A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:Dealing with this exhausting situation?My heart is being ripped apart. I've lost my job and my fiancee is trying to push me to go back home to establish a good career 6 months before she emigrates to Australia. I don't want us to be apart. It is so damned difficult. She has decided to restart her international touring which means she will only be home for 5 days each month. So hard on me.A few days ago, we were talking about how my job can support us both and she won't have to work. Now it's all changing. I was informed just before I clocked off on New Year's Eve (of all days) that I didn't have to come to work anymore. No reason given.I know that I also need to establish a good job and conditions back home for her to join me. We have discussed the idea of me leaving 3 months earlier and she can come with me on a tourist visa. Possibly the 6 months if she renews it after 90 days. I would love for that to happen!!But I know she is very money-oriented and wants to stay in China long enough to travel to other countries and to earn good money. Yes that's great for her but, at the expense of sounding selfish, I cannot bear the thought of losing her again to distance. My parents tell me to toughen up but my friends tell me they understand my feelings.We are applying for a visa and we will be in Australia by October and our marriage is booked for December. I have told her I can find more work and still save enough for the ceremony and ring by working here. I recently lost my job so it's difficult but I am determined to stay put. The other issue is that we need to be both present for the interview. I can not see how my new job will afford me time off to come and visit for that. Further, I'd be trying to save for the wedding whilst paying for everyday expenses, paying my parents and supporting her unit.I know that my father was engaged and had a long distance relationship before he met my mother. Six months apart could make or break us. I don't want to gamble on it when I love her probably more than most people could understand!Right now we are exploring the option of the tourist visa. She's so determined to chase the money that sometimes I think she doesn't see that in 2 months time we may end up in Australia. So she literally needs to focus on knocking over the driving lessons and visiting her family (provided that we can indeed get the tourist visa). I've told her that I shouldn't leave China for the obvious reasons. I can already see some problems arising since I would like her to stay home and be relaxed (because as an international guide she will only be home 4-5 days per month!). But on the other hand I realise that we need the money and I can't stifle her dreams of being a guide. It's only a short time left so I'm determined to just wait it out here until the final decision in made on our marriage visa and see if we can go back to Australia on a tourist visa.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): you have put a lot of thought into your relationship. and you are very supportive and understanding to your partner. Just get the right Visa. If you have a tourist Visa, but you also want to work then you need a different type of visa. Be totally honest about your intentions and get the appropriate visa.
Also very carefully read all the instructions about which food you choose to bring into Australia, if you bring in fresh fruit etc then you can be
fined by Customs. Safer to bring in no foods.
A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (4 January 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere's still a lot of opportunities here for my job. I'm not listening to my parents who vehemently disapprove my decision to stay. Even my fiancee is conviced that after going through several jobs I mustn't be suited to teaching. I understand her concern because beig a teacher here isn't the highest paying job and it's not a career that I want to pursue for the long term - only for the next 6 months until we go back to Australia together (provided there's enough money in it to save).
I was thinking that it would be easy to apply for the tourist visa and hopefully we can go back together sooner but I think she is nowhere near ready and will need until the end of the year to finish her driving lessons in the limited time that she will be at home. She must finish those, keep working for 80% of the month (only a few days at home) and visit her family. All in all, it sounds like I should go back home and work hard for the next 6-12 months and await her decision on what she wants to do... Hardly ideal from my perspective.
I agree though that she should be working for the next 2 months. She cannot just sit around the home all day going to waste and keeping her busy will be good for her and the money she saves will be good for our future. Likewise, I must also work hard and save. It's going to be a busy time for us to both concentrate hard on our jobs and be sensible as we will have all the time in the world in the near future to dedicate to our relationship.
Thanks for the words of support. I'm not listening to my parents - I'm old enough to make my own mind up on what is the best course of action.
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