A
male
age
41-50,
*teve12327
writes:Why would she push for an engagement and then break it off? I have been dating this girl for over three years living together for over two. She really pushed for a ring. We went to jewelry stores and looked for awhile then I purchased one. She basically set up a meeting with her dad so I could ask for permission since she said that was very important to her. This was 4 months ago. We are very active people who like to run and bike together all the time and signed up for a long triathlon later this year. We decided to plan the wedding after the triathlon since it was going to be a huge deal to get ready for it. We met with a priest to go over what needed to be done. Anyway a week before that she started to withdraw and I could tell something was bothering her. I asked and got nothing then about a month ago she finally said she didn't think she could do this. This went on for about three weeks and I packed my stuff up a few times but she always came to me and said that she didn't want to lose me. I explained to her that i loved her and wanted to marry her and things seemed to be ok for a few days and it would start up all over again. Well she was going out of town for work and all of the sudden it had to be off. I know jump to conclusion right there and I did she swore it wasn't someone else. However she will not talk to me or answer any of my calls. I told her she needs to tell me to my face that she doesn't want to be with me and she said that it would be too hard. My thing is that I really love this girl and think the world of her. I am telling myself to just drop her and move on but all of the pushing and setting things up on her part has me confused what to do. It doesn't make sense why she would want something like this and then completely back out. One more thing she was engaged before and broke that one off also. Different story though the guy was not faithful. She knows without a doubt that i would always be faithful. What gives? If she doesn't feel it then she doesn't feel it but why make me jump threw all the hoops then. I wanted to do these things but was really urged by her to do them. Any thoughts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Think its another guy now am I crazy? Still doesn't make sense why she would push me for the ring and all. She even bought a dress.
Well I now think it is another guy. I had these feelings that something wasn't on the up and up around the time I asked her to marry me. I figured that all the discussions about marriage and asking her Dad for permission were signs that things were strong and I threw those feelings out the door. She swore she would never do something like this because I have talked to her before about past relationships and how they went bad and was totally messed with. However I could not totally turn my head when something didn't seem right to me and when I would ask her about them she always got defensive. She had an online social network account which she had as her profile as being single. I asked her why she didn't say that she was in a relationship first and she was said she didn't know she could change it since she was new to the site, then after the engagement I asked her why that wasn't on there. She said she didn't want people posting on there all the time asking questions about the engagement and that she would just delete the account. Should have been a big red flag but since my sisters and mutual friends had posted congratulations and she did not delete these messages I thought well maybe ok. Anyway I could go on and on but long story short. There are many other examples now since I have had a clear head to think about them that should have made me realize she is not the great person I thought she was.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (25 March 2009):
Ah engagement and marriage. It all sounds so romantic and the answer to all your problems.
Then you met a priest who told her "actually this is more about a cake and a dress, this is a legally binding life long contract, and it's F*****G serious!!!!!!"
So suddenly the dress fades from mind and the shiny ring just seems like a rock attached to some metal, and she considers actually if she is ready for it.
It sounds to me like your girl suddenly realised there is more to marriage than being a fairy princess for the day and it scared the hell out of her.
Whether she will get over this and come back, no one can tell. If she does, then whether you can forgive her for all this, no one can tell.
My advice to you is that it's really tragic that you got caught in the middle of this, but I think you need to cut your losses and move on. If she does come back, can you honest forgive and forget all the pain she caused and how she doubted you? Can you honestly say you'll never wonder if maybe there was someone else?
That kind of thing can eat you up inside for years.
If she is too much of a child to face you, then she is obviously too much of a child for marriage. She's acting like a scared little girl and hoping that it will all magically be made better.
Walk away, get drunk, punch some walls, do what ever it takes for you to get over the pain and then you can start the long process of recovery.
[NB. If you do get drunk then give your phone to your mother first so you can't text her anything you'll regret the morning after.]
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): If you don't have any idea why she would do this then neither would anyone else....but it would be nice if she would communicate with you other than saying she doesn't think she can do this. You have to get to her feelings and what it is she is concerned about.
Give her some time to think, leave her alone for a week maybe two and then try contacting her again....hope to get her talking about it again....and then see what you can decipher.
A woman shouldn't have to push for a ring...perhaps since she did that she is afraid the marriage is not what you really want to do. You will just have to continue to reassure her....even though you may be angry right now, don't talk to her until that feeling has passed...otherwise you will come accross that way and she won't want feel safe to talk to you.
Sorry that wasn't an answer to your question, but only she has the answer to that one.
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A
female
reader, dangerouslove. +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Cold feet, maybe?
It could very well be she is afraid of commitment.
Even though, she planned and pushed it, maybe she bit off more then she could chew at one time, and then the reality started to really kick in..
She could of also thought she was pressuring you into something, she felt you really didn't want to do, whether you did want to or not. It sounds to me, you were somewhat forced.
I suggest you give her sometime to cool off.. Give it a few days, maybe even a week or two, then try to approach the subject again, don't let her avoid the question. You want answers! which, is TOTALLY understandable!
I can't even imagine the great deal of hurt you must possibly going through right now.. let's hope its nothing serious, and she will come to her senses..
If things don't work out, let yourself grieve for a while, take as much time as you want to yourself, but you can't let it set you back.. it just means god has a bigger plan for you.. As corny as it may seem, the bible actually does help me through alot of my hard times.
Best of luck to you mate.
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