A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a man since last Nov. He lives 1 1/2 hours north of me. I knew him for about 2 years prior but we only saw each other every 6-8 weeks and never got involved, timing was wrong. So Nov things were different. We were great together, have alot of the same ideas, morals, values, on a similar wavelength. We have been physically involved since mid Nov, yes it did happen kind of fast. However prior to that a few statements were made that I thought showed I would want a serious relationship if things were good, but apparently that was not as clear as I thought. No I never did outright say it, but I told him to take time for himself, I didnt want to be a rebound (he had just ended a dead relationship and stated he had spent enough time by himself...) I was never pushy with where is the relationship going. I was easy going and tried to let things unfold naturally. He made me feel great. I really thought there was something for us down the road. Fast forward to Feb. I now feel like a friend with benefits. He is always so busy and could never plan when we would see each other next. It was always last minute. I dont want a friend with benefits, I cant keep my emotions out of it. I asked him outright if that is what I was. he said "we are so far apart right now, why get so involved, its not like we can see each other everyday." I was so shocked I had no reply except ok... I acted normal for the next 2-3 days, calling when I normally would, he would text like nothing was wrong, but as it sunk in, I withdrew, I didnt call when I would normally call, I didnt text as often. I didnt ignore him if he reached out to me, but I didnt initiate like used to. This started the beginning of march when I found out I was fwb. Since then he doesnt call or text that often either. He is just going with the flow. he has not once asked me what is going on, am I feeling ok, what is happening with us. Nothing. When we do talk its pretty normal. I did see him once since then, (he does work at my job site, he didnt come to my home or go on a date) and it was off and on weird, sometimes i was comfortable other times not. Normally I would want to talk about this so he would know that I really like him, I want a relationship someday, Im not angry.... but in the past I have gone over board with the talking and pushed a guy away. I didn't actually verbalize any of it this time. I havent told him what is going on, why I have withdrawn (I was getting too involved, he doesnt want a relationship) and he hasn't asked! but its been 3 weeks and the desire to talk about it is getting stronger. I think because I want him to want me to know I really like him, I am hoping he will see what he is losing... Should I say something to him? anything? an email? verbally? on the phone? face to face? My girlfriends think I should just keep my mouth shut and show him with my actions that I am not interested in FwB. But I am not doing my norm (talking) so it feels odd to me. And he isnt coming around, why would he, he doesnt want to get too involved... but damn we were good. :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (25 March 2009):
You shouldn't use acronyms; very annoying...
Nevertheless, it's a big country; isn't it??
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 March 2009):
I think he thinks that he's got you now, and so no more effort is required.
Unfortunately if he's that kind of guy then you don't find that out till after the romance and after you've started falling for him.
But it seems like it was the thrill of the chase, or he doesn't care any more, or something.
Tell him you don't feel loved or wanted, and you don't want to be in a relationship like that.
Give him a chance to make it up to you.
If he doesn't then you can show him the door and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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