A
female
age
36-40,
*ltaylor
writes:Its either my face, my weight, or my color... I am 23 and I turn 24 this year and I have never had a boyfriend. I tried to join dating sites and I get rejected by every guy that I try to contact. They dont even try to tell me that they arent interested. They either block me from seeing their profile or just ignore me all together. Now, I didnt think that I was an unattractive person but you can only be rejected so many times before you begin to doubt yourself. So this is where I stand right now. Another dilemma of mine is that I like men outside of my race, Im AA but I like most men. On the website that I was on I wrote to mostly Caucasian men because thats who they were "matching" me with and I think its because of my color, weight, or face or all three that they were rejecting me. Its really frustrating because Im putting myself out there and keep getting rejected in return. I am slowly getting more and more depressed about it. I also feel that Im stereotyped as the ghetto/hood black woman because Im black and the men automatically assume that Im that person when in reality I am so much more than that. Once people get to know me, they know that Im not ghetto. I am a very intelligent person and it saddens me because of my outward appearance, I am categorized as the 'not worth my time' chick. I dont know what else to do. Everyone around me is coupled off and getting married and having babies. Why not me? Whats wrong with me? Am I really that unattractive?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Petra at home  +, writes (26 January 2010):
Good for you! Remember that "rejection" is a good thing by both you and the guy, since 99.99% of the guys aren't the right one for you. You need to present who you really are and find a guy that loves all of your qualities, and you his. There's nothing to be gained and a lot lost if a couple bend themselves to "win" each only to discover it isn't so great.
The only black/white coupls I know are where the woman is black and the guy white. And it is always a guy you wouldn't expect...
A
female
reader, sltaylor +, writes (26 January 2010):
sltaylor is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all of the responses. To Petra at home, thanks a lot for the tough love. Maybe I am whining about it and I guess the dating sites aren't for me. And to the others, as for my weight I didnt think that I was huge. Im like a 14 sometimes 12 but Im also 5'9. I say the race thing because believe it or not its still an issue with everyone. No, Im not ghetto or hood, if you will. My white friends have told me this all the time. They say that I blew the stereotypes of black women out of the water because I do date outside of my race, I do listen to all different kinds of music, I like hanging out at a bar, going to a shooting range and shooting a double barrel shotgun (which was awesome, by the way), fishing, Josh Groban(my dream man). I have a life but I just want someone to share it with. And you guys are absolutely right. I should get off of the dating sites. I am also working on myself also but like I said before, sometimes you just get discouraged from rejecion.
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A
female
reader, Petra at home +, writes (25 January 2010):
You sound too intelligent to be writing this stuff. Skip the damn internet dating sites, go to the theater, the gym, classical music concerts, the things you want to do and need to do.
Hardly anyone cares about race anymore. The remaining ones that do aren't worth having. Nothing is wrong with you other than underestimating yourself and whining about it. Some guy out there will be proud to have you as his girlfriend, piece of ass, friend and ultimately wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Hi. There are dating sites for people who are on the heavier side but personally if you cant get an online date....and i speak as one who tried online dating...think yourself lucky! There are loads of things you could do to get out there and be seen. Volunteer for a good cause and meet people. Church is a good way if youre that way inclined. Go to a get fit class or better still, find a motivational class in your area. Dont get hung up on race, colour or class. My niece couldnt meet a good man for love nor money. She gave up in the end and joined a kids club as a helper in the evenings, just to get out of the house! A lovely police officer went the kids club to give a talk on road safety and hes been with my niece ever since and they are getting married in April. Get out there and mingle x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): You have mentioned your weight several times. This implies to me that you are of a weight that you perceive other people will find off-putting, either overweight or underweight. Neither is good, and the very nature of online dating means that photos are all propspective partners have to go on. If you're not happy about your appearance do something about it. I very much doubt that it's your skin colour that puts people off, and I suspect that you may well be overweight. People are shallow, tha's life. If you don't want to be rejected because of your weight thenget rid of it. I would also suggest that you go out and meet people in real life so you can talk and interact. Go to some speed dating evenings, join some sports clubs, go to dance classes. These are all good ways of meeting real people and making friends. You never know who you're going to meet. You'll also pick up a good hobby at the same time and maybe get fitter.
Don't be preoccupied with why these people reject you or whatever. If you don't like something about yourself then fix it. But go out and meet people who aren't just hung up on photos. Don't make race a big issue.
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A
female
reader, faded +, writes (25 January 2010):
 when you love yourself to the extent as to know what you`re made of, you won`t feel like needing someone else. when that self-acceptance ad love towards yourself comes in, you`1l discover that you`re not needy anymore and that you don`t depend on others. try to see what you can improve at yourself, if there is any.also, try to find how others perceive you. don`t be afraid to ask men or women, and this will make you more selfconfident.
It is when you achieve this plentitude of yourself that others will show that they`re attracted to you. try to descipher their body language to get an answer.
as for that website dating you mentioned...are you really that sure this is the way to get a man?
get out in the real world, respond to constructive criticism and try to make yourself marketable. web dating makes you look desperate and unconfident.get yourself involved, socially, i mean.
if you think that their avoidance springs from their perception of you as a ghetto woman, find out if you are one.does being single makes you feel bad?
It`s true that few women state proudly that they`re single. Don`t be afraid to be one of them, because your attitude count 50 percent of what you are.
good luck!
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